"It all started when he received instructions from Alger Hiss to deliver special presents to Ethel and Julius Rosenberg. Sure, it was a little suspicious that they were monogrammed, his-and-hers wiretaps, but Santa was just so busy he didn't even notice. And look, Santa gets a lot of letters every year, at some point there may have been a pamphlet about something, but he honestly couldn't remember. Nevertheless, the excuses weren't good enough, and so he had no choice but to name Rudolph in front of HUAC and the world."

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