No man, that body armour, those boots...I'd harvest the bones of a thousand murdered infants to build our bed if that's what it took. Do you think that's what she wants?

I had to go rewatch this. It's practically perfect. Not an origin story, no romance subplot, no compromise. Just a day in the life of Judge Dredd. Love it, but my favourite Dredd story was told in rhyme:

They'd been waiting there since nightfall for the Sharks to come along,
They knew they'd have to pass this stretch of street.
So they'd sharpened up their stickers and they'd brought along their bars,
And they were wearing steel-tipped stompers on their feet.

There was Big Frank Zit and Faceache, Crazy Joseph with his spear,
The Dixon Boys were there and Billy Rat.
Ike the Spike had brought his sister with her homemade ghetto blaster,
And the Ghoul had put new rivets in his bat.

Now it wasn't nothin' personal that they had against the Sharks,
Any bunch of dead-end spugs would do.
'Cos there was nothing they liked better than to mash and bash and stomp,
Same as any normal Mega-City juves.

"A-rumbling! A-rumbling! We love to go A-rumbling!
("AAAH!")
We love to lay in ambush in the night!
("AAAA!")
A-rumbling! A-rumbling! The Zits were born for rumbling!
(SMAK!)
There's nothing we like better than a fight!"
(KRAK!)

Then a headlight pierced the darkness - a rider gaunt and grim,
Daystick drawn and ready in his hand.
     The chin belonged to Dredd,
     And the voice as well, which said:
"You creeps can do your rumbling in the can!"

"It's just one judge!" cried Cindy Spike and opened with her blaster -
"I'll send him back to Central in a sack!"
(SPOING! "AAAAAAA!")
But Dredd's bike absorbed the blast and laid her on the street,
With tyre marks running right across her back.

Then the judge got down to business and his daystick rose and fell,
Striking out at every head he saw.
For though the Zits launched the attack, the Sharks were fighting back -
And self defence is no defence in law!

As the heap of bodies mounted, Big Zit could see his Waterloo,
Waiting just one station down the line.
Oh, sure, he loved to rumble - but he preferred to be on top...
"Let's scram and live to fight another time!"

("Dredd to Control! We got forty-plus juve rumblers fleeing east through Bernstein. Zits and Sharks, back-up required."
"Wilco, Dredd!"
"Med squads and meat wagons to Moreng Alley. Estimate twenty casualties, more to follow."
"Control to all units area Bernstein. YPs on the run."
VRMMMM!
"Pick 'em up!")

In the space of sixty seconds there was a judge on every street.
From watching bays others scanned the slab -
"We got two Zits runnin' fast though the Tamblin Underpass!"
"Krupke here! I got 'em in the bag!"
(THUNK! THUNK!)

They cut them off at Sondheim and they mopped them up on Wood,
On Pedway 12 they corned Crazy Joseph.
He tried to make a stand - but a spear's not worth a damn,
When it's up against a judge's high explosive.

The Ghoul surrendered quietly, he didn't have much choice -
Ike the Spike tried to scale the sector wall -
("Save your bullet, he'll never make it." "Oh no! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" SPLATT!)
The Dixon Boys all copped it when they tried to hitch a ride,
On the 2020 Zoom to Bernstein Halt.

Big Zit thought he'd play it clever, the law was everywhere,
The safest thing for him to do was hide -
Dredd tracked him down on infrared - "Don't bother to come out!"
"The best place for trash like you is inside!"

In minutes flat they'd caught them, every Shark and every Zit.
To Dredd it fell to ladle out the years -
"Twenty years apiece for Cindy Spike, Billy Rat and Ghoul."
An extra ten left Big Frank Zit in tears.

For Faceache minus half his face, for the hapless Dixon Boys,
For Ike impaled so cruelly on his spike,
For Crazy Joe with his gaping hole, there'd be one final rumble,
Along the last conveyor belt at Resyk.

A-rumbling! A-rumbling! They loved to go A-rumbling!
But the Zits will go A-rumbling no more!
A-rumbling! A-rumbling! They loved to go A-rumbling!
But they should've known they couldn't buck the law!

>> ^bmacs27:

>> ^bareboards2:
@bmacs27 -- you mean the fact that these smart-ass cartoon makers with potty mouths write the most successful musical in years and sweep the Tonys last year, selling out every single show for months into the future, while Broadway professionals who have slaved at their craft for decades and have yet to have a hit? That subtext?

How about you kind lady? Could I trouble you for a quick Lewinsky?

Just don't Bro-down against Sondheim, it's suicide!

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

This kind of thoughtful reply is all too rare on the Internet - and I'm proud that it's here on VideoSift.>> ^FlowersInHisHair:

@TheFreak @Yogi
Er, yeah, wow, I've been a bit of an idiot. It's surprising to find oneself called a reactionary, but that is indeed what my comment was, and you two are right to call me on it. But my initial reaction was just that - another homophobe, another joke about gay kids being murdered for their sexual identity, fuck that guy. But my initial reaction isn't the end of my thinking on the subject, so forgive me my knee-jerk reaction and allow me if you will to claw back a little bit of my reasonableness.
I agree with Louis that the gay community has missed the opportunity to ask Tracy Morgan why he feels the way he feels about gay men - such dialogue would be helpful in highlighting some of the attitudes people have to effeminately-voiced gay men. Since my speaking voice is not effeminate, many people don't guess that I'm gay on first meeting me, and in the period before they do realise (which is usually when I get drunk on pink cocktails and start talking about Sondheim), I've put up with a lot of blokey jokes about gays, and have witnessed the shift in men's attitudes when they realise that a gay man is in their midst. The gay jokes dry up immediately, which is kind of a shame because I enjoy offensive jokes of all kinds, and can usually counter jokes about "queers" with equal numbers of jokes about "breeders". I've noticed first-hand the difference in the way that people regard non-obvious gay men like me, and the way they treat the more effeminate and flamboyant members of (er) "my tribe". I've been explicitly told that I'm not included when they criticise gays, because I'm "straight enough". Sigh!
What I've realised is that, in a way, I'm more supportive of Tracy Morgan's joke than I am of Louis's rationalisation of it. Tracy Morgan can make such a joke if he chooses, and I can think him a sad man with backwards views on masculinity if I choose. Where I disagree with Louis is that he sees Tracy Morgan's joke as a kind of "progress" towards acceptance, but I don't see how making jokes about killing his gay son doesn't sound like he's "trying to figure out" gay male masculinity or that he's somehow less homophobic for qualifying precisely what it is that makes him want to stab some gays as opposed to stabbing all of them.

@TheFreak @Yogi

Er, yeah, wow, I've been a bit of an idiot. It's surprising to find oneself called a reactionary, but that is indeed what my comment was, and you two are right to call me on it. But my initial reaction was just that - another homophobe, another joke about gay kids being murdered for their sexual identity, fuck that guy. But my initial reaction isn't the end of my thinking on the subject, so forgive me my knee-jerk reaction and allow me if you will to claw back a little bit of my reasonableness.

I agree with Louis that the gay community has missed the opportunity to ask Tracy Morgan why he feels the way he feels about gay men - such dialogue would be helpful in highlighting some of the attitudes people have to effeminately-voiced gay men. Since my speaking voice is not effeminate, many people don't guess that I'm gay on first meeting me, and in the period before they do realise (which is usually when I get drunk on pink cocktails and start talking about Sondheim), I've put up with a lot of blokey jokes about gays, and have witnessed the shift in men's attitudes when they realise that a gay man is in their midst. The gay jokes dry up immediately, which is kind of a shame because I enjoy offensive jokes of all kinds, and can usually counter jokes about "queers" with equal numbers of jokes about "breeders". I've noticed first-hand the difference in the way that people regard non-obvious gay men like me, and the way they treat the more effeminate and flamboyant members of (er) "my tribe". I've been explicitly told that I'm not included when they criticise gays, because I'm "straight enough". Sigh!

What I've realised is that, in a way, I'm more supportive of Tracy Morgan's joke than I am of Louis's rationalisation of it. Tracy Morgan can make such a joke if he chooses, and I can think him a sad man with backwards views on masculinity if I choose. Where I disagree with Louis is that he sees Tracy Morgan's joke as a kind of "progress" towards acceptance, but I don't see how making jokes about killing his gay son doesn't sound like he's "trying to figure out" gay male masculinity or that he's somehow less homophobic for qualifying precisely what it is that makes him want to stab some gays as opposed to stabbing all of them.

G&S style

I am the very model of a disembodied headical
eating up the pellets, dots and ghosts until their deadical
When day is done I return home to boink Ms P in bedical
(chorus)
When day is done he returns home to boink Ms P. in bedical

R&H style

Chomp every pellet
Eat pinky and inky
Swallow every fruit bonus
Till. You. Reach. Kill. Screen.

Sondheim style

Into the maze you have to go
with fruits and ghosts and dots in tow
Into the maze get on your way, you must begin your journey
Into the maze and out of the maze and home before dark

-or-

There's a hole in the maze like a great black pit
And it's filled with ghosts who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...

They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Pacman, tell you why...

Damn, here I was thinking I could lure you into un-pqueuing this...

>> ^blankfist:

>> ^hpqp:
I'm afraid so. On the bright side, I hear @blankfist is willing to open his relationship with @kronosposeidon...
>> ^dystopianfuturetoday:
I love Sondheim and Bernadette. Does that make me gay?


What's left to open. We've already fucked. Hard. And plenty.

>> ^hpqp:

I'm afraid so. On the bright side, I hear @blankfist is willing to open his relationship with @kronosposeidon...
>> ^dystopianfuturetoday:
I love Sondheim and Bernadette. Does that make me gay?



What's left to open. We've already fucked. Hard. And plenty.

I'm afraid so. On the bright side, I hear @blankfist is willing to open his relationship with @kronosposeidon...

>> ^dystopianfuturetoday:

I love Sondheim and Bernadette. Does that make me gay?

I love Sondheim and Bernadette. Does that make me gay?

Tags for this video have been changed from 'johnny depp, helena bonham carter, tim burton, pies, cannibalism' to 'johnny depp, helena bonham carter, tim burton, pies, cannibalism, sondheim' - edited by dystopianfuturetoday

In reply to this comment by Issykitty:
Thank you kindly!

In reply to this comment by lavoll:
*promote

it was either that one or your chorus line video. i really like a chorus line, and the guy who was originally the "i can do that", he had the choreography on a performance of "into the woods" that i was a assistant-director on when i was a student in the usa but... too much hamlisch... theres just something about him that made me promote sondheim instead, hehe

i agree. i saw the show in london with .. whats his name.. michael ball? pudgy squishy cheeks from the original les miserables cast. the woman who did this part was awesome.

In reply to this comment by UsesProzac:
Thanks, Lavoll. That's one of my favorite songs, ever.

In reply to this comment by lavoll:
*promote

Thanks, Lavoll. That's one of my favorite songs, ever.

In reply to this comment by lavoll:
*promote

Yay! I love Stephen Sondheim!

This is a wonderful performance of a Sondheim classic. Puh-leeze... I *beg for this to sift!!!