Rupture, Immolate, Vivisect, Impale, Rend, Mangle, Rupture, Sap, Disarm, or some other Warcraft spell name I'm forgetting at the moment.

The trick is to do that once you're already in the room, so that the slide impales itself in the crimnal's chest.

aww.... no one was impaled.

I rather like "impale" over impeach-and George Senior's head next to his son's, on tall, anodized titanium, pitons in the rose garden....Decorate the white house, baby, for the big party!!!

If I sat here and tried to type a list of the horible things the Bush adminstration has done to this country and world I'd have a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome by the time I was done.
Seriously! what is it gonna take for people to wake the F$%# up and hold these people accountable!?

Bush could probably ride around on national tv on a presidential unicycle impaling babies on spikes and people still wouldn't budge.

It's all fun and games till someone is impaled on a tusk and violated by a trunk.

Actually, they do come trickier than this. There's a video floating around of a soldier in Iraq who got impaled by a live RPG. They had to open him up and remove it from his body cavity without killing him and everyone else in the room. Still, this is cool.

Oh god.

Someone must remake Carmageddon, like an NC-17 version... the grandma used to run away from your car yelling "I was in the war!!!" *SPLAT*

I remember playing the game for days, my favourite car was the yellow monster struck with the screwdriver mounted up in front. I used to imagine that thing driving through my school and impaling everyone.... though I think Vlad The Impaler's car could work just as well...

No, I haven't been around because I was too busy doing what MINK could only dream of doing: Getting laid. Sure, he likes to think that taking a weekend trip to Poland and getting a few links of kielbasa to bring back home and anally impale himself on whilst watching scat films with bovine actors counts, but no. No MINK, while that may pass for intercourse in Lith-who?-ania, I'm sure you will find that world over, it does not. Here's a tip: Try hollowing it out. Sure, a typical polish sausage is only about an inch and a half wide, but that gives you a meat wall of about 1 1/4".
Wait a second - Is that how you got food poisoning last time?
MINK, you're not supposed to eat the thing when you're done with it!

Oh, this is eastern Europe we're talking about. You probably have to eat all the scraps of food you can get. Even the used sex toy ones. Pity.
Oh, wait. It wasn't from eating it. It was from riding it. He admits it in an earlier comment: "And also i never sat on the toilet bleeding out of my arse for a week after eating a vegetable. That was definitely the meat."


Now since this is a roast, here I go:

Nobody likes you.

and by now he's out on parole. i've seen the video on the updated cars, very funny the rage they fly into when the car suddenly dies and the doors lock and they realize they're trapped in the act.

Next step in the evolution of the bait car: doors lock, engine dies, brakes bring the car to a halt, canister on steering column releases lethal gas. personally i'd like the last step to be - spring loaded knife shoots up thru seat, impaled perp writhes in excruciating agony for several minutes before expiring, but y'know, that'd be so messy to clean up

True, cows of different breeds can be more aggressive then others. Most all of the cows I've driven have been Angus, which are known for their mild temperament.

I think you bring up a good point about environment. I lived on an Indian Reservation for a while and dog there ran wild, no owners and were often abused and riddled with disease. They acted different then more domesticated dogs in that if you turned your back they would charge you. Usually turning to them and pretending to bend down would cause them to scatter and regroup at a safe distance. For those dogs it was a harsh upbringing and survival was much more paramount then it would be for another dog.

In reply to this comment by dgandhi:
In reply to this comment by gorgonheap:
Just wanted to clarify some things you seem to be ignorant about. If a cow had horns it would not "happily impale" anyone. Cows are herbivores and have a lot of natural predators. It's in their nature not to seek confrontation with other animals. Most cows need to be dehorned anyway because the horns grow into the skull and eventually kill the animal prematurely.

Chances are that your friend who was once charged was doing something to the calf that seemed threating to the mother. After calves are weened mothers become significantly less protective. In fact unless a cow has a young calf I've never seen one become aggressive or defend itself from an attack. I say this because I've worked on a dairy farm since I was 5 and been a ranch hand for close to 5 years.

The cow in question was grazing with her calf in the jungle in Mexico. Folks let the cows forage in the jungle, they leave the horns on them, and according to the locals, the cows do kill things that mess with them. I was walking down a trail, saw the cows, didn't think much of it, until I heard this snorting/stomping, turned around, charging cow, horns pointed at me. I half hid behind a small tree on the path edge, stuck out my hand, made some WHOA! type sounds, and the cow stopped. She would scrape and snort in an obviously threatening manner when I tried to keep walking down the path where I realized her calf was. I ended up turning around and going the other way.

I submit to you that cows raised in a more hostile environment may be more prone to aggression then you are likely to see on a farm. I'm not saying she was a genius, I'm just saying she was not to be trifled with. This event is on the short version of my "If I hadn't noticed I'd be dead" list.

In reply to this comment by gorgonheap:
Just wanted to clarify some things you seem to be ignorant about. If a cow had horns it would not "happily impale" anyone. Cows are herbivores and have a lot of natural predators. It's in their nature not to seek confrontation with other animals. Most cows need to be dehorned anyway because the horns grow into the skull and eventually kill the animal prematurely.

Chances are that your friend who was once charged was doing something to the calf that seemed threating to the mother. After calves are weened mothers become significantly less protective. In fact unless a cow has a young calf I've never seen one become aggressive or defend itself from an attack. I say this because I've worked on a dairy farm since I was 5 and been a ranch hand for close to 5 years.

The cow in question was grazing with her calf in the jungle in Mexico. Folks let the cows forage in the jungle, they leave the horns on them, and according to the locals, the cows do kill things that mess with them. I was walking down a trail, saw the cows, didn't think much of it, until I heard this snorting/stomping, turned around, charging cow, horns pointed at me. I half hid behind a small tree on the path edge, stuck out my hand, made some WHOA! type sounds, and the cow stopped. She would scrape and snort in an obviously threatening manner when I tried to keep walking down the path where I realized her calf was. I ended up turning around and going the other way.

I submit to you that cows raised in a more hostile environment may be more prone to aggression then you are likely to see on a farm. I'm not saying she was a genius, I'm just saying she was not to be trifled with. This event is on the short version of my "If I hadn't noticed I'd be dead" list.

In reply to this comment by dgandhi:
On your list of "racisms" I only come anywhere near the calling Christians Morons one, but I assure you that I reserve that for morons who happen to be Christians. While I do agree that we all have racism "issues" I find that they are more often systemic, rather then interpersonal.

Since I will be assumed to be more competent then somebody else because I am white, or male, or from an upper middle-class family I find the unaknowledged affirmative action of racism a much more prevalent form of racism then crass bigotry, which you seem to think everyone is prone to.

GH: I don't know if I'm the token vegan who needs to respond to your jab, but allow me to assure you that a cow who has not had her horns snipped would happily impale you, or a wolf any day of the week. I say this as somebody who was once charged by a horned overprotective momma cow, I would not mess with her.

P.S. since GH wants to eat others on the basis of intelligence how about everybody post your IQ/SAT scores so we know who to roast over the spit next
IQ: 135.

I have no research to back this up, but I do believe that living in a racist culture rubs off on EVERYONE, even smart, compassionate people like you, dgandhi (and Smibbo). I'm talking about subtle, internalized, culturally acceptable racism that you might not even recognize as racism if it were pointed out to you.

Take the NAACP for instance. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, an organization dedicated to fighting racism, uses the racist term 'colored' in its name. The word was culturally acceptable at the time, but that doesn't make the implication that black people are 'colored' people any less offensive.

This is internalized racism, and I'd wager that even an intelligent, forward thinking person like you has internalized racism/sexism/classism locked away somewhere in your brain.

It doesn't make us bad people, we are a product of our time.

Remain vigilant.

Just wanted to clarify some things you seem to be ignorant about. If a cow had horns it would not "happily impale" anyone. Cows are herbivores and have a lot of natural predators. It's in their nature not to seek confrontation with other animals. Most cows need to be dehorned anyway because the horns grow into the skull and eventually kill the animal prematurely.

Chances are that your friend who was once charged was doing something to the calf that seemed threating to the mother. After calves are weened mothers become significantly less protective. In fact unless a cow has a young calf I've never seen one become aggressive or defend itself from an attack. I say this because I've worked on a dairy farm since I was 5 and been a ranch hand for close to 5 years.

Now having said that I hope you'll realize that most the comments I make on this site are satirical in nature and have an exaggerated and dry sense of humor. And if cannibalism wasn't frowned upon in most societies that might not be a bad idea.

In reply to this comment by dgandhi:
On your list of "racisms" I only come anywhere near the calling Christians Morons one, but I assure you that I reserve that for morons who happen to be Christians. While I do agree that we all have racism "issues" I find that they are more often systemic, rather then interpersonal.

Since I will be assumed to be more competent then somebody else because I am white, or male, or from an upper middle-class family I find the unaknowledged affirmative action of racism a much more prevalent form of racism then crass bigotry, which you seem to think everyone is prone to.

GH: I don't know if I'm the token vegan who needs to respond to your jab, but allow me to assure you that a cow who has not had her horns snipped would happily impale you, or a wolf any day of the week. I say this as somebody who was once charged by a horned overprotective momma cow, I would not mess with her.

P.S. since GH wants to eat others on the basis of intelligence how about everybody post your IQ/SAT scores so we know who to roast over the spit next

On your list of "racisms" I only come anywhere near the calling Christians Morons one, but I assure you that I reserve that for morons who happen to be Christians. While I do agree that we all have racism "issues" I find that they are more often systemic, rather then interpersonal.

Since I will be assumed to be more competent then somebody else because I am white, or male, or from an upper middle-class family I find the unaknowledged affirmative action of racism a much more prevalent form of racism then crass bigotry, which you seem to think everyone is prone to.

GH: I don't know if I'm the token vegan who needs to respond to your jab, but allow me to assure you that a cow who has not had her horns snipped would happily impale you, or a wolf any day of the week. I say this as somebody who was once charged by a horned overprotective momma cow, I would not mess with her.

P.S. since GH wants to eat others on the basis of intelligence how about everybody post your IQ/SAT scores so we know who to roast over the spit next