It might seem crazy, wearing stripes and plaid
I instagram every meal I've had
All my used liquor bottles are on display
We can go to see a show but I'll make you pay

(Because I'm Tacky)
Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks
(Because I'm Tacky)
Got some new glitter ugs and lovely pink sequined crocs
(Because I'm Tacky)
Never let you forget some favor I did for you
(Because I'm Tacky)
If you're okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

I meet some chick, ask her this and that
Like are you pregnant girl, or just really fat? (What?)
Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly
That's what Kanye West keeps telling me, here's why

(Because I'm Tacky)
Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants
(Because I'm Tacky)
Got my new resume it's printed in Comic Sans
(Because I'm Tacky)
Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review
(Because I'm Tacky)
If you think that's just fine, then, you're probably tacky, too

Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, can never know why
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, I said
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, it's pointless to try
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, I said

(Because I'm Tacky)
43 Bumper Stickers and a "YOLO" license plate
(Because I'm Tacky)
Bring along my coupon book whenever I'm on a date
(Because I'm Tacky)
Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV
(Because I'm Tacky)
Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they're free
(Because I'm Tacky)
I get drunk at the bank
And take off my shirt, at least
(Because I'm Tacky)
I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased
(Because I'm Tacky)
If I’m bitten by a zombie, I’m probably not telling you
(Because I'm Tacky)
If you don't think that's bad, guess what, then you're tacky, too

Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish--not too shabby!

So I guess Mel Gibson isn't one of your heroes.



You know what the coolest thing about being Jewish is? You can move to Israel if you want and become a citizen. (For realz, in case you didn't know.) That means when this country finally tires of your insufferable Ed-Hardy ass (and it WILL happen, sooner or later--probably sooner), you've got another place to flop. Sure, you'll probably have to do a short stint in the military to catch Palestinian mortars, but I'm sure it's no worse than the gun play in your trailer park.

Well, it's the festival of lights, so bust a cap from your Uzi for me. And tell Bar Refaeli to quit calling me. You wouldn't guess it, but she's a meshuggeneh through and through.
In reply to this comment by rottenseed:
On a strange, illogical ruling, I am Jewish because my grandmother's vagina is Jewish making my mother's vagina Jewish. As we trickle down the Jewberry bush, I end up being a Jew. Now, the reason why this is illogical (other than the fact that both my mother and I are godless heathens), is the fact that my grandmother is Jewish by choice. Meaning, she doesn't really have Jew goo running through her spider veins. Although she is great at guilting and pronouncing words like how a cat would cough up a hairball, but I think that's all part of the training.

In reply to this comment by kronosposeidon:
Then they're one of your people, the lost tribe of San Diego. I never knew you were a Joo. Happy Chanookah.

In reply to this comment by rottenseed:
It's strange that kid has a Mathews jersey. A rookie for the Chargers. That, along with the terra cotta colored stucco topped with brick leads me to believe these jews are from San Diego.

In reply to this comment by kronosposeidon:
I really feel that you should be the first sifter to post a video from JewTube.

I thought Ed Hardy already had this demographic sewn up.

"No wonder our perception of Jersey is distorted." So wait, there's not hordes of chemically tanned, frizzy headed, Ed Hardy wearing guidos rampaging around the state? But I've seen the videos!

omg. I just found out there's an Ed Hardy hookah tobacco. Ouch. http://www.hookah-shisha.com/p-5714-Ed-Hardy-hookah-tobacco.html

Anybody want to help me with an "Ed Hardy Sux" t-shirt?