howtofearfirebugsdeath...what a concept

Brown recluse tips:
Don't live where she wants to be or in doing so provide the conditions for her to flourish
or/and
Don't crawl around where they live in Speedo

Your chance of being stricken is less than losing chin-blood in a fender-bender.
The least-scary spiders are the ones there are so very few of.

What you don't want is to wake up to a tarantula infestation in the bungalow you just rented on your honeymoon in Guatemala....That shit can ruin a marriage!

Any idiot should know not to stand next to the rope/chin when pulling some one out - or I guess not everyone!

These are chin ups (palms facing inwards), not pull ups (palms facing outwards).

Fake or not, in any event he didn't do a full chin up - his chin didn't touch or go higher than the bar.

Actually, I've known some girls over the years who have ball-sacks under their chins.

>> ^artician:

Heh, evidently his opponent doesn't pack much force, but every fighter should know it doesn't take much if you get hit right on the button. On the chin or in the nose, there's a nerve signal there that avalanches straight into your brain if it gets tagged. Heh.


I think it has more to do with the leverage provided by the chin causing the head to whip around quickly, thereby causing the brain to smack around inside the skull like Jello salad in a piñata.
..what? didn't your mom stuff the piñata with Jello salad?

Heh, evidently his opponent doesn't pack much force, but every fighter should know it doesn't take much if you get hit right on the button. On the chin or in the nose, there's a nerve signal there that avalanches straight into your brain if it gets tagged. Heh.

I've been meaning to give this a go, but my allegiance to the Mighty Boosh and Julian Barratt has prevented me from taking the plunge.

This is the Mighty Boosh version of when Lennon and McCartney separated, except instead of Lennon writing sanctimonious, self-indulgent wank-pieces, it's Noel wearing gold spandex and a cup on his chin, riding side-saddle on a shiny unicorn in fantasy land.

>> ^chingalera:

This guy's head shape scares me.


You know how the Mormons have their genealogy and dead-people-baptism projects? It's really a breeding program to create the perfect candidate.

He's got the hair. He's got the chin. He's got the money.

He IS the kwisatz haderach presidential candidate!

>> ^Hive13:
I was driving home from breakfast with my wife and three kids in the car on Sunday morning last year. In front of us was a big, white Ford pick-up. Suddenly a beagle darted out into the road and that big truck clipped the dog's hindquarters with his back tire. I know he saw the dog because I say him apply his brakes, yet, in true asshole form, he just kept on driving. The dog darted off into the side of the road, but I could tell it was badly hurt. This wasn't a highway, but was a four lane major thoroughfare into a very large neighborhood with lots of traffic.
I slammed on the brakes, did a u-turn over the grass median and went back around to find that poor dog. I jumped out of the car and ran over to her. Her back legs were shattered and he pelvis was broken. She was in incredible pain. I approached her slowly as I was concerned she may be aggressive in fight or flight mode, but she began crawling over to me with her front legs whimpering and wagging her broken tail. I carefully picked her up and she began licking my face, as if she was thanking me for stopping. I gently gave her to my wife and we brought her home. My kids got her a snack and some water and I wrapped her in a blanket and she was trembling from shock and fear.
She had a collar, so I called her owner and got a voicemail. I called our vet, who happens to live about a mile from us, and explained what happened. He called a local vet emergency room and arranged for a staff to be available. About 45 minutes after we picked her up, her owners finally called us back. She was about 5 miles from home and were overjoyed that we had her. I explained that she was badly injured and that we were about to take he to the vet emergency room, but they insisted on seeing her first, so we waited for them. The owners got out of the car, I could see their kids and another beagle in the car. Those kids were visibly upset.
When the owners arrived, this poor dog tried to jump up and see them, but immediately fell to the ground due to her injuries. As this was happening, our vet had come over to the house, diagnosed that both legs and pelvis were broken and that emergency surgery was needed. He got in his car and actually led them to the emergency room. Remember, this is all on Sunday morning at about 9am.
The owner tried to give us a $200 cash reward. I scoffed and said that money needed to go to getting their poor dog taken care of and that she deserved a big treat after all she had been through. He kept insisting, but there is no way I was taking money from them. He finally realized that we didn't do this for money or notoriety, we did it because it was the right thing to do.
Three months later, the owner called us and asked if she could come by and thank us. She brought her dog over and she looked amazing. She has some scars and a little bit of a skewed walk, but otherwise had recovered well. When the dog got out of the car, I sat down in the grass. She walked right over to me, climbed in my lap, looked up and gave me one, big lick right on my chin. It brought tears to my eyes. After all she had been through, she remembered me and those 45 minutes we spent helping her.
I got an email from her owners a few months ago. She is pregnant. Her owners offered us the pick of the litter. The kids don't know it yet, but we are getting a new puppy from a sweet girl that they helped save.
That is a pretty solid moment in our family.


What a wonderful person you are to go to such lengths to help that poor injured dog! I'm so glad you shared this story with us. This had the best ending too! You will be adopting one of her puppies!!!

I was driving home from breakfast with my wife and three kids in the car on a Sunday morning last year. In front of us was a big, white Ford pick-up. Suddenly a beagle darted out into the road and that big truck clipped the dog's hindquarters with his back tire. I know he saw the dog because I saw him apply his brakes, yet, in true asshole form, he just kept on driving. The dog darted off into the side of the road, but I could tell it was badly hurt. This wasn't a highway, but was a four lane major thoroughfare into a very large neighborhood with lots of traffic.

I slammed on the brakes, did a u-turn over the grass median and went back around to find that poor dog. I jumped out of the car and ran over to her. Her back legs were shattered and he pelvis was broken. She was in incredible pain. I approached her slowly as I was concerned she may be aggressive in fight or flight mode, but she began crawling over to me with her front legs whimpering and wagging her broken tail. I carefully picked her up and she began licking my face, as if she was thanking me for stopping. I gently gave her to my wife and we brought her home. My kids got her a snack and some water and I wrapped her in a blanket and she was trembling from shock and fear.

She had a collar, so I called her owner and got a voicemail. I called our vet, who happens to live about a mile from us, and explained what happened. He called a local vet emergency room and arranged for a staff to be available. About 45 minutes after we picked her up, her owners finally called us back. She was about 5 miles from home and were overjoyed that we had her. I explained that she was badly injured and that we were about to take her to the vet emergency room, but they insisted on seeing her first, so we waited for them. The owners got out of the car, I could see their kids and another beagle in the car. Those kids were visibly upset.

When the owners arrived, this poor dog tried to jump up and see them, but immediately fell to the ground due to her injuries. As this was happening, our vet had come over to the house, diagnosed that both legs and pelvis were broken and that emergency surgery was needed. He got in his car and actually led them to the emergency room. Remember, this is all on Sunday morning at about 9am.

The owner tried to give us a $200 cash reward. I scoffed and said that money needed to go to getting their poor dog taken care of and that she deserved a big treat after all she had been through. He kept insisting, but there is no way I was taking money from them. He finally realized that we didn't do this for money or notoriety, we did it because it was the right thing to do.

Three months later, the owner called us and asked if she could come by and thank us. She brought her dog over and she looked amazing. She has some scars and a little bit of a skewed walk, but otherwise had recovered well. When the dog got out of the car, I sat down in the grass. She walked right over to me, climbed in my lap, looked up and gave me one, big lick right on my chin. It brought tears to my eyes. After all she had been through, she remembered me and those 45 minutes we spent helping her.

I got an email from her owners a few months ago. She is pregnant. Her owners offered us the pick of the litter. The kids don't know it yet, but we are getting a new puppy from a sweet girl that they helped save.

That is a pretty solid moment in our family.

Thank you Jesus!

Chris rewrote his letter with cleaned up language. His reasoning here:

http://blogs.twincities.com/outofbounds/2012/09/08/out-of-bounds-blog-no-8-inquisitive-kitten-pawing-at-yarn/


The letter here (former curse words in all caps):

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of the United States government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees”, more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE SPARKLEPONY. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-bogglingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. SAD PUPPY DOG EYES hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. “Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” DISAPPOINTED LEMUR FACE WITH SOLITARY TEAR TRICKLING DOWN TO CHIN. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a ten for “beautiful oppressionism”).

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about DANCING CHUBTOAD? “ALACK AND ALAS MY TOP HAT HAS FALLEN. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that DELICIOUS STATE FAIR HOTDOG!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (unlikely, gay people enjoy watching football too)
I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero affect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful FROLICKING OSTRICH. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90% of our population, rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth SLIDE WHISTLE TO E FLAT you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I’m fairly certain you might need it.

Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe

p.s. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. UNFORTUNATELY PHALLIC HEDGE SCULPTURE.

Oww, that last one might've smashed up his chin good

Poor thing.

If you poke them in the butt with a stick, their tail will automatically wrap around it. It's a natural reaction from when they're first born (usually in trees, as far as I recall).

You can also grab them by the scruff of the neck like a cat or dog. Unless they're rabid, or really seriously cornered, they will usually continue to play dead so you can move them easily.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about "hunting" possum in the south, where they'd drive around at night until finding one on the road. They would always freeze in the headlights, and then my grandfather would get out with two sticks and approach it. He'd do the poke-in-the-butt with one stick, and when the possum had coiled its tail around it and could be picked up, he'd lift it and place the other stick under its chin. Then he'd raise both sticks to the same height and, supposedly, the weight would break it's neck and kill it instantly (supposedly).

>> ^critical_d:

I have always wanted to learn to surf. Having one of these might motivate me!
>> ^PlayhousePals:
time=1:15 trippy!



I used to body surf on Kauai ... until I slammed my chin in the sand ... that was enough of THAT! =o)