It's on!

ANNOUNCING THE ROAST OF KULPIMS! Saturday Feb 20.
The time has come again for we, the jesting crew, to pay tribute take the piss out of one of our own. This time up it'sour Gay Trekkie Roman, aka Kulpims!

Why do we pay him this honour you might ask? Is it because of some extraordinary contribution he's made to the community here? Has the man fought heroically in some war overseas? Is he celebrated in the intellectual community for his witty repartee in debating the great moral and political philosophers of our time? NO I say! The reason we give him this great honour is that his name was on the list!!!

I've sifted (so to speak) through his videos and comments for insight into his personality, but came up with nothing but small brown nuggets- very much like the Lincoln Logs I used to find buried in my backyard sandbox as a child. At least I hope they were Lincoln Logs. Some interesting statistics though... He's sifted 507 videos with 12,146 votes received. This translates to a weighted average of a very low 23.9 votes per video. This means that, basically nobody gives a shit what the man posts, except his sock puppet Choggie . http://www.videosift.com/member/kulpims/published

Looking through Roman's comments you'll notice that he communicates mostly through a series of guttural noises generated deep in his diaphragm, and a series of clicks and whistles which are almost inaudible to the human ear. If you can decipher those look here: http://www.videosift.com/usercomments/kulpims.

So... we expect the usual gang of idiots to vomit their wisdom and wit all over these hallowed halls here at Parody Talk. The Roast will start as soon as I haul my hung-over ass out of the sack, promptly at the crack of 2:00 pm Pacific! It's my birthday the night before, and if you think I'm arriving any earlier than that, you're crazy!

See you here crew!

-The RoastMASTER!

>> ^jwray:
I don't like it because the lyrics are inaudible at first, and when I look them up they're daft.


Oh. Well I've always regarded it as a great song with beautiful lyrics. Perhaps you just don't 'get' this particular piece, which is fine and dandy. I've mediated on the implications of certain verses quite a number of times over the past decade.

Of course there were explosions. Everyone knows bombs explode without making any sound. Just watch any video of a building implosion and you'll notice that even in a short 5 story building the long series of deafening detonations are completely inaudible, just like when the Twin Towers collapsed.

And sure in every other implosion in the history of mankind the lowest floors give way first then each successively higher floor collapses downward, but the secret team that invented the government's silent bombs also thought it would be neat to make an implosion happen upside-down, with the topmost floors collapsing first.

Just look at all the silent implosions where the collapse begins with the top floor and you'll see it makes plenty of sense:

Funny how some Congressman can play the race card and get a free ride. Read the transcript.


Rachel Brown: I think the Administration is missing something in these town hall meetings, which is, that it's not just one group. The economy is collapsing. We have 30% real unemployment. Forty-eight states cannot balance their budgets and they are cutting programs to the bone. This is the context under which the Obama Administration says we need health-care reform—

Barney Frank: Well, I'll tell ya—

Brown: I'm not done. The reason why, is because they say we need to limit Medicare expenditures in order to do that, in order to reduce the deficit. That's the origin of this policy. This is the T4 policy, the Hitler policy in 1939, when he said certain lives are not worth living; certain people, we should not spend the money to keep them alive. Which is exactly what Ezekiel Emanuel has said.

So, my question to you is, one, since this policy is already on its way out—it already has been defeated by LaRouche—my question to you is: Why do you continue to support a Nazi policy, as Obama has expressly supported this policy? Why are you supporting it?

Frank: When you ask me that question, I am going to revert to my ethnic heritage, and answer your question with a question: On what planet do you spend most of your time?

Brown: [Inaudible; apparently asks Frank to answer the question.]

Frank: You want me to answer the question? [visibly and audibly enraged; lisp more pronounced:] Yes, you stand there with a picture of the President defaced to look like Hitler, and compare the effort to increase health care to the Nazis. My answer to you is, as I said before: It is a tribute to the First Amendment, that this kind of vile, contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated.

Brown: [Inaudible.]

Frank: Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to have a conversation with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it.

Heres a quick translation, kinda keeping the swedish syntax to make it easier:

Woman voice:
"During, for example, berry picking, the encountering of big predators is very rare, but if we move silently the animals dont get forewarned, and a surprised bear can, of course, become irritated."

Man says mostly "no", and "take it easy" to the charging bear

Woman voice:
"On this occasion and most others, things went well, but you can never [inaudable]"

Although I'm an Obama supporter and completely agree with the message of this video, I wish I could downvote it simply because it distorts so much of the call, with the final bits becoming virtually inaudible.

Translation for those who don't speak polish:

Man 1: Over there, in front of us, fuck me...

Woman 1: Jesus....no way... jesus! MOM I'M SCARED!

Man 1: Shut up!

Woman 1: It's going to flip us!

(Inaudible exchange between Man 1 and Woman 1)

Man 2: DAMN!

Woman 2: Look over there!

Man 3: It's coming, it's coming, it's coming!

Woman 1: To the back!

Man 4: DRIVE FOWARD! DRIVE!

(screams)

Translation for those who don't speak polish:

Man 1: Over there, in front of us, fuck me...

Woman 1: Jesus....no way... jesus! MOM I'M SCARED!

Man 1: Shut up!

Woman 1: It's going to flip us!

(Inaudible exchange between Man 1 and Woman 1)

Man 2: DAMN!

Woman 2: Look over there!

Man 3: It's coming, it's coming, it's coming!

Woman 1: To the back!

Man 4: DRIVE FOWARD! DRIVE!

(screams)

I don't like it because the lyrics are inaudible at first, and when I look them up they're daft.

>> ^alien_concept:
That's been sped up ffs. Look at the screen he's watching...


He and the people watching in the background are moving in real time, not faster. Also, you can't really tell anything from looking at the screen because (a) there's so much glare you can only see the background and (b) there are options within the game to speed up the arrows and doesn't affect the song speed, so (c) the most definitive way to check the film speed is to listen for the song, which is inaudible over the crowd noise.

This guy knows what he's doing, and what he's doing is surviving for at least half a minute on Heavy difficulty (the highest) on a very difficult song (maybe MAX 300? Can't tell).

Parts 7-12 are no longer available.

They added subtitles to the questions that were inaudible, I've updated the playlist now, thanks for the reminder.

no dag, that's a cheap shot, of COURSE i don't think that my personal tastes should match exactly the things that escape the queue. But the slogan here is * quality control, not * upvote competition.

i don't expect the top 15 to be full of my favourite vids, but i also don't expect a newbie to come along with a perfectly good quality vid, within the rules, and get discarded after 48 hours because not enough people even saw the thing, let alone voted.

IMO the only things that should die in the queue should be porn, snuff, boring vlog shit, spam, low bitrate recompressed inaudible phonecam rubbish, etc etc.

Then, once the bad quality is sifted out, we can all have a pissing contest about trying to get into the top 15.

but at the moment, the pissing contest is in the queue already. hence the title jockeying and favouritism. that's the problem. the queue shouldn't be about choosing what is a "good" video, it should be a chance for the crap to be sifted out before the pissing contest. basically if you are going to have a 2 day queue then the escape limit should be 5. then queue escape simply becomes more objective... "five people think this is siftworthy, but it might not be top 15 material, we'll see". if you're worried about starpoint dilution, just leave the starpoint threshold at 10 upvotes.

I thought I would love to hear what he said. But now, frankly, I regret watching this video.

The magic of not knowing is partly gone now. Although I have to admit, I still find it too inaudible to be certain. Even with the digital enhancement.

My money is still on "tell the truth". It fits my take on their relationships a lot better.

Still, great find. Now I feel like watching it again

Correction, one woman was trying to help. Gent named Paul Pritchard was recording the vid. On a sidenote, yelling "Russian" at an agitated Polish man doesn't help either.

Funeral news: http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=9dd7f34b-5ee3-49a4-bffd-9c7c6dcfc927&k=71634
Additional article with mourners' comments: http://www.canada.com/topics/news/national/story.html?id=1cbb88d4-bf54-4926-a037-9b18905eed20

Transcript (translated too): http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071115.BC-TaserTranscript16/BNStory/National/home


Vancouver — Voice off camera: Computer's on?

Voice off camera: What language do you speak?

Muffled responses, comments off camera.

Voice off camera: Just look at his face!

Voice off camera: There's 300 people coming in...coming in.

Muffled comments off camera.

Voice off camera: He did it. He almost threw the chair through the window to get out. Look at it. Look...

Muffled voices talk excitedly off camera.

Mr. Dziekanski paces the whole length of the secure arrivals area, walking back to the entrance doors.

Dziekanski: Breathing deeply. I'm going to break this desk. Is this going to continue?

Muffled voices off camera.

Voice off camera: Is there anybody at the door?

Voice off camera: I can't believe he's ... out!

Voice off camera: Nobody's here...from security.

Muffled voices off camera.

Voice off camera: Just five minutes before ...comes down with 300 people on it...

Dziekanski: Holding and waving a small wooden fold-up stool at the entrance door, speaking in Polish. I'm going to break windows. I'm going to break this window here.

Voice off camera: ...something's wrong with him.

Voice off camera: ... is Russian. He speaks Russian.

Voice off camera: Is that what he's speaking? I don't even know what he's speaking.

Voice off camera: What language do you speak?

Voice off camera: He doesn't speak English...

Voice off camera: Russian? Russian?

Muffled voices off camera.

Voice off camera: Ruskian? Nope.

Dziekanski: Mr. Dziekanski holds and waves a small wooden fold-up stool in the entrance doors. I will not allow them.

Voice off camera: There's nothing wrong! There's nothing wrong...it's okay.

Voice off camera: We need a Russian interpreter. We need someone to open the arrivals area...

Dziekanski: Still holding the stool in the entrance doors, I'm going to report on you and the rest of them.

Voice off camera: Calm down.

Dziekanski: Fine, fine. Takes a breath. We'll see.

Woman walks over to Mr. Dziekanski, motioning to him, holding out her hand.

Woman: Calm down. She motions to him, holding out her hand in order to communicate with him.

Dziekanski: Still holding stool, pacing in the entrance doors,. Get away. Get away.

Muffled voices off camera.

Dziekanski: Swears.

Muffled voices off camera.

Woman : Motioning to Mr. Dziekanski. Calm down please.

Woman tries to communicate through the clear glass partition, with Mr. Dzienkanski who has gone into the arrivals area.

Dziekanski: (Inaudible)

Woman: ....Excuse me...I know I know...

Mr. Dziekanski and the woman speak through the partition, nodding and motioning.

Woman walks back away from partition.

Muffled voices off camera.

Voice off camera: Look! He's got a computer...

Mr. Dziekanski throws some laptop or computer on to the glass partition.

Voice off camera: Whoa.

Voice off camera: Right in front of the cops too.

Voice off camera: Jesus Christ.

Mr. Dziekanski holds up an electric equipment and attempts to throw it.

Voices off camera: No no no.

Mr. Dziekanski puts down the equipment rather than throwing it.

Two airport security officer come to the entrance doors and Mr. Dziekanski comes to the doors to meet them.

Voice off camera: He speaks Russian and nobody can help him...You need a Russian interpreter here to calm him down. Cathay's coming down in five minutes.

Voice off camera: ...Russian interpreter.

Voice off camera: ...Can you call Customs and tell them to stop it....

Voice off camera: He is so scared...just leave him.

Voice off camera: Why are the police not here? We called security, we called the police.

Voice off camera: Calm down, calm down please.

Camera turns to police.

Dziekanski: Mr. Dziekanski screams. Police! Police!

Police speaks to him and points. They motion him to inside and they point to a spot on the ground and they encircle him.

Dziekanski: What are you doing? An RCMP officer points at him. There's nothing here .

An RCMP officer shoots him with a Taser.

RCMP officer: Get down, get down!

Dziekanski: (Screams as he falls to the ground)

Police fire two more Taser blasts.

RCMP officer: Get a Taser.

RCMP officer: Put your hands up.

RCMP officer: Get him down, get him down!

Dziekanski continues to struggle, scream

Security guard: Operations…(unintelligible)

Dziekanski: Oh, no! It's pinching.

Four RCMP officers pin Mr. Dziekanski as they restrain him.

Dziekanski: Bandit!

Pritchard: Jesus.

RCMP officer: Get his knees, right…

Pritchard: How is he still fighting them off?

Off-camera: Noboby knows why. He speaks Russian. Nobody knows why. No rhyme or reason.

Pritchard: Prime footage for my home videos.

Pritchard: He's unconscious…I heard him say Code Red.

Pritchard: I've only got three minutes of footage, three minutes of memory, three minutes of memory left.

Absolutely hilarious. Minor *PG but it's almost inaudible.