"Excess in moderation" -Doug Stanhope

Even my aged, dry doug fir doesn't split that easily. He must have removed all the pieces that had braches/knots. Mine just don't split like that...even with a rented log splitter!

Doug Stanhope's solution for being eco-friendly :
http://youtu.be/bgyumGSF9-4

I'll explain who's expense they each are at....
1. the stick's expense edit: and the reader's
2. ET's expense edit: and the reader's
3. mathematician's expense
4.your and/or the DR's expense
5.zebra's expense (edit: but riddles aren't really jokes, even though you may find humor in the consternation of others due to your trickery)
6. penguin's expense

I never said they were all offensive, horrible, or nasty, only that there is always a target for/of the joke/misunderstanding.
I suppose puns may be an exception, if you call that a joke, but they are still at the listener's expense to a degree (as they are intentionally misled and made to look the fool).
7. at Bob's(and the reader's) expense
8. fish's expense
9. bad magic trick at the magician's expense
10. bad piano at the player's expense
11. fictional character's expense
12. Lebowski's expense
13. fish's expense
14. your expense
15. doug's expense
16. listener's expense
17. skeleton's expense
No one said they would be offensive, only at someone's or something's expense. Play's on words hardly count as "jokes" but they are still at something's expense, even if it's only the listener who was tricked by the teller.
I could go on and on, but I'm not being paid for this either. I hope I opened your eyes to the idea that all humor IS at someone/thing's expense.
Now dread away. I'm not embarrassed that you didn't read my post/comment closely.

EDIT: ...and when I was begging for air, I was under water...and you just laughed and said "I see air".

No problem. I've got a few jokes for you straight off the bat - what's brown and sticky? A stick. What's ET short for? He's only got little legs. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. Doctor doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together! What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra. What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

Hell, Tim Vine does hundreds of one liners in half an hour and the majority of them are not at anyone's expense.

I think you've confused what you find funny with the term "humour" as it were. You may only find shadenfreude funny, and so you think all humour is shadenfreude, but it is patently obvious that things can be humourous without being at someone's expense and i find it almost petulant to be asked to prove it when it is so obvious. You almost certainly know loads of jokes like that. How does Bob Marley like his donuts? Wi' jam-in. I stood there, wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger and bigger..... and then it hit me. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam.

From what i remember of Lenny Henry's standup (like him or not) in the old days, he didn't often tell a joke at someone's expense. Tommy Cooper used to make people laugh by doing bad magic tricks. Les Dawson used to make people laugh by playing the piano badly as only a good pianist can. Terry Pratchett makes me laugh by conjuring up funny situations in a fictional world. I laughed at the Big Lebowski when he shaded the pad of paper to see what secret notes Jackie Treehorn was making and it turned out to be a doodle of a man holding his own cock. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. I bought some new viagra eye drops, cos they make me look hard. What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug.

I could go on and on and on, but i don't get paid for this and i have other stuff to do, but i hope i've opened your eyes to whole new realms of comedy where people don't get hit in the face with stuff. Where are the Andes? At the end of your wristies. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with.

I'm so confused by your request for proof that i feel like someone's asked me "Air? What air? There's no air, i can't see any!"

I'm utterly dreading to read your reply if it says anything along the lines of "That ET joke is offensive to short people! That skeleton joke is offensive to people with eating disorders! The penguin joke is offensive to the penguin you pushed down the hill!" Please don't embarrass us both by doing that, we both know those jokes aren't offensive. (Or very funny, to be honest.)

*promote Meshuggah 25th Anniversary TOUR!!



Meshuggah announce 25th anniversary tour around Bonnaroo, asking fans to vote on their setlists (dates)
by Doug Moore
Meshuggah at the Roseland Ballroom, 2013 (more by Fred Pessaro)
Meshuggah
Few metal bands survive for 25 consecutive years, and even fewer retain a reputation for consistency over such a long period the way Meshuggah have. We already knew that the Swedish djent progenitors were slotted to play this year's edition of Bonnaroo in June, filling the bad-trip-inducement slot that Swans occupied last year. Unsurprisingly, they've also announced a short North American tour built around that date and their ensuing appearance at Quebec's Amnesia Rock Fest. The tour is being billed as a 25th-anniversary celebration for the band, and it also includes Between the Buried & Me on its non-festival dates. Meshuggah are also holding a poll in which fans can help the band decide what their set list will include by voting for one song from each album in their catalog.
The tour will hit NYC on 6/21 at Best Buy Theater. Tickets for that show haven't gone on sale yet, but keep an eye out. In the meantime, enjoy a live video (of mosh action, natch) from Meshuggah's last NYC appearance and check out the full set of dates below...
---

Meshuggah -- 2014 Tour Dates
06/06/14 The Wiltern - Los Angeles, CA
06/07/14 The Regency Ballroom - San Francisco, CA
06/09/14 Ogden Theater - Denver, CO
06/11/14 House of Blues - Dallas, TX
06/13/14 Bonnaroo Music Festival - Manchester, TN
06/14/14 Pop's - Sauget, IL
06/15/14 Vic Theatre - Chicago, IL
06/17/14 The Fillmore - Silver Spring, MD
06/18/18 House of Blues - Boston, MA
06/19/14 Sound Academy - Toronto, ON - CANADA
06/20/14 Amnesia Rock Fest - Montebello, QC - CANADA
06/21/14 Best Buy Theater - New York, NY

Although Different style, Mitch is up on top with my senses. Doug is great too.

From ESPN: Rodman's squad -- featuring ex-All Stars Kenny Anderson, Cliff Robinson and Vin Baker -- will play against a team of North Koreans on Wednesday, which is believed to be Kim's birthday. The former NBA players, who arrived in Pyongyang on Monday, also include Eric "Sleepy" Floyd, guard Doug Christie and Charles D. Smith, who played for the New York Knicks. Four streetball players also are on the squad.

I noticed lately with these Weekly Wipe segments, Doug's just been rehashing bits from shows he did years ago. Makes me wonder if any of them have been new material...

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