I am tired of stasis. I am tired of doldrums. I really really want to be *doing* something. But every time I even think of beginning something... something..... happens and I'm torn asunder with ambivalence. Just standing and staring into space becomes a precious commodity. ANd I end every day with an internal dialogue of 'so what did we get done today?" and the answer is usually lame or negative altogether.

 

I feel like I have too much time on my hands but not enough time. Wha?

The plight of the constantly interrupted... that's all it is. You'd be surprised how important attention-grabbing really is.

"

Okay so....... yeah.

She has discovered the joys of whining. Unfortunately, whining happens to be the ONE sound I have a hard time dealing with. I can hold a baby and have them scream bloody murder right in my ear for an hour. I can murmer soothingly to a shrieker. I can play "put you down then pick you up" for hours with a sobbing infant.

But whining.... hoo boy. And so, of course, my normally happy-as-a-clam baby has chosen whining as her irritation of choice. Luckily, she doesn't have much occasion to be upset enough to do it. But when she does....zomg. I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying "SHADDAP!"

 I figure, gimme a week and I'll be inured, right? None of my boys whined. They screamed, they cried, they shrieked.. the usual... but not that much anyway. My elder godson shrieks and tantrums - no problem. My younger godson sobs and shrieks inconsolably - no problem. I handle them just fine when I'm babysitting or whatever. In fact, sometimes it amuses me... they seem so melodramatic compared to my little girl who is nearly always smiling.

But when she's not smiling.... hoo boy.

Pray for me and my nerves.

*keeps grinning*

I am scared of christmas commerce day. We have a few hundred we supposedly can spend, but I'm actually full of anxiety that when the 15th rolls around, we won't have enough to buy anything. This is, of course, unreasonable because we've gone over the budget several times and all seems to be well, but for some reason I can't stop feeling a weird dread. Do you think there's some connection to Soupskin's insistance that I am suffering from post-partum and shoudl probably be on meds?

WOW! The n00blet is asleep! While I am awake!

 

*runs about the house cheering quietly*

 W00T! W00t!

Yes, friends and neighbors, we are sliding into the typical scenario wherein we parents are going on 4-5 hours a night because SOMEBODY (a very *cute* somebody) doesn't want to go to sleep before 3am.

Well we tried last night. Oh yes I did. But doncha know n00blet's have their ways of keeping you up. Ours is not the type to go wantonly screaming or crying, no, she's more *dignified* apparently. She lays in the bed next to me and pretends that nursing is a grand idea but once engaged, she writhes, thrashes, grunts, groans, flails arms and generally makes it impossible for us to sleep. So I rise up and look down at yon heir to find she is grinning up at me, pleased as punch to have effected my getting up. After several rounds of "kick-the-mommy" and "twist-the-nipple" I come to my senses and get out of bed, bringing her with me. She, of course, is doubly pleased about this event. We played quietly on the floor for another hour. Around 4am, yes, we slept. Finally. So I wake up at 1pm and thank GAHD I do not have a job which requires me to rise up at a regular time.

This is me thumbing my nose at all you workers. Except you can all take solace in the fact that you can go to bed any damned time you want and no one is going to ruin that. I think I left my brains back in the bed. But I damn sure am not tiptoeing into the bedroom in order to retrieve anything. Lil Miss sleeps now and hopefully I will be able to do SOMETHING sans baby-on-the-arm before she wakes. Maybe. Or maybe i'll just sip more coffee and revel in a quiet house. HAHAHAHA! Oh dang, the other kids will be coming home from school soon. Damn.

Okay so I spend an inordinate amount of time at my laptop since Lil Miss born because when you get down to it, sitting every 1-2 hours in order to nurse gets boring quickly. Sure, I read, but there's times when you just wanna veg and then there's times when you want to connect somehow with the outside world. Thus, we have, roling both those desires into one - the IntarWebby!

I'm a wordy person. Everyone who knows me IRL knows this. Was remarking to my youngest son today that I often wonder what compells my two bestest friends to associate with my babbling self when in reality I know quite well that my pervasive locquaciousness is in fact what holds me dear to them. They are both quiet types who appreciate my ability to speak out impassioned on their behalf and yet still turn the mood to one of lightness when depth becomes awkward. Or something like that. I of course have no wish to actually detail the ministrations of our friendships because I wouldn't want to give away the secrets ofmy heart online - heavens no I am not that foolish!

 

In any case... gorram videosift makes life infinitely more pleasant nowadays and I wonder how i ever stood the tedium of breastfeeding before the internet came along. Oh that's right, having worked in a bookstore scant weeks before givign birth the first time, I had amassed a compendium of tomes to work through. And I keenly remember utilizing my legs far more often in order to bring variety to my life. But that was back when I lived a ten minute walk from a library, art museum and alternative-oriented video store (Theatre of the Living Arts, it was caled)  as well. Ah how I miss PHiladelphia but I know it wouldn't be the same if I didn't live in the same neighborhood as I did.

Thank gahd for the intarwebby! Thank gahd for videosift!

ah made it to silver!!

*grin*

I gotta stop obsessing over the possibility of lead contamination in everything.

for your consideration: i have a pierced nose and lip. I wear a ring in each one. I have a tattoo of three thin triangles on my right bicep.

But, I am a housewife. (actually I prefer "domestic goddess") complete with newborn, kids, two dogs two cats two rats fish and a house in what used to be the suburbs.

But my parents were activists. They were hippies. They took drugs to expand their minds. They sent me to a "free school" I grew up with Buddhism as the family religion.

But my kids go to public school (no parent-coop "free schools" anymore and who can afford private education nowadays?) and they have AUtism spectrum disorders, no place to walk to and nobody hosts parties anymore because all the kids go home and play video games.

 But I was a punk and a goth. I DJed (radio and private) I was in a band I did local theatre and I wore shirts that proclaimed my political views.

So.... yes, I am a counter-culture leftover. But my kids are apparently not. We were all so sure our generation (the smallest on record) was going to be SO different with our kids. Because we "understand" the existential angst of adolescence.

Riiiight. Watch em all be neo-cons.

Nothing.

I'm not doing jack.



I am going to sit here and catch up on my LJ friends, peruse videos, wander around the house and maybe eat more food. I'm not, emphatically NOT cleaning anything today. Especially not the vacuum cleaner. It can sit there with dog hairs spewing out the sides for all I care. I'm not emptying the damned thing. Because if I empty the damned thing, then I'll look at the nice clean reservoir and think "well isn't that nice and clean.... when I next vacuum nothing will spew out of the thing and I can get rid of the dog smell..." then I commence to USING the damned vacuum cleaner like an idiot and fill up the reservoir again with dog hair but it's too stupid to just vacuum a 6x6 foot area, I mean you can't just vacuum a small patch and leave the rest to nastiness can you? of course you can't, or I can't anyway, and then the next thing you know I'm vacuuming up the whole freakin house, including areas I normally don't vacuum but once a year (*snort*) like a possessed woman because even though I am vacuuming like a nut I actually don't WANT to be vacuuming at all but it's like the damned thing slides into my body and takes over tripping every single "CLEAN WOMAN, CLEAN!" neuron in my brain and then I'm fargin exhausted from toting that damned cleaner all over this ginormous house and realizing that I haven't done ANY other cleaning because flippin vacuuming is like a black hole of cleaning and without fail not even an hour after I've vacuumed either the dog yaks on the carpet, someone spills something sticky or I just happen to notice MORE animal hairs all over the place because I didn't empty out the reservoir early enough and the damned cleaner wasn't sucking up the hair like I expect it to and thus I must ONCE AGAIN clean out the reservoir and even though I'm cursing my fookin OCD self and saying "just get that one spot, don't go nutso" something in my brain goes haywire and I'm kneeling on the floor scrutinizing the fuggin carpet fibers as if there's some magical way of actually getting all those animal hairs out for good and then waddya know the damned dog is scratching at some minor itch and there's gorram animal hair FOR FLOGGING REAL everywhere now and I look up at the vacuum cleaner that is sitting there with its reservoir full again and I'm thinking that damned cleaner is laughing at me, or else the dog is and I'm about to pull my hair out and I remember something else that I haven't cleaned in ages like the underside of the aquarium stand and oh it's just too damned embarrassing to keep going and I give up and go upstairs to have some more coffee, do you think I should have another cup of coffee? and then I realize it's already 4-foggy-o'clock and the kids will be home, traipsing all manner of outside effluvia all over the house and if I have half a brain I will just go get the baby who is now screaming her head off and go sit in the nursing chair and forget about cleaning anyway.



So, I'm not cleaning anything.

Especially not that damned vacuum cleaner reservoir.

Okay, so I've got "Seasons in the Sun" stuck in my head for the second day. Could be worse... I once had Oingo Boingo's "Private Life" stuck in my head for four days. That was the suck because I liked that song... before it got stuck in my head.

 

I blame the sift.

 

Hey now, there's an idea... maybe I could start using the sift to blame everything on? 

"why didn't you deposit that check?" "I blame the sift"

" where did all the brownies go?"  "I blame the sift"

"are you still limping?"  "I blame the sift"

 

hmm.... 

 

 

made a realy cute and funny post and it got eaten by IE

 

I really hate IE

On my LJ, I occasionally post "Kid Tales"

Here's the one that got it all started (circa 2002): 

 

When we decided to take down the xmas tree, the boys were most helpful.

Then second son decided he wanted to take the tree outside and play with it.

Okaaaay.....

next thing I and my guest know, someone is knocking on the door. I open it to be confronted with our now-bare xmas tree (ex-xmas tree? xmas ex-tree?).
"hey, what are you doing? I want the tree outside kid."

Then the tree spoke.
"I vant to come inside" the tree said in a somewhat muffled voice.

"NO, I'm afraid christmas is over and you have to go outside. No more trees in the house."

I close the door. Another knock. I open the door.
"Hey, hey.. HEY! I vant to come inside. YOUuuuuu LETMEIN!" muffled voice as tree shakes suspiciously. NUmerous giggles emanate from behind the offensive flora. I refuse reentry to the tree. I close the door. This routine repeats until...

*knock knock*
"Hey! HEY! I'm a tree... you letme in! I vanna come inside!"
(shake shake, giggle giggle)
I rest my hip on the doorway, cock my head to one side, and say "OH yeah? You seem a bit dirty... perhaps you need a bath"

"Nevermind. bye-bye" tree shakes and giggles. door slams in my face. Guest is reduced to shaking fits of laughter.

Life with weirdos, I tell ya.... who needs TV? I've got talking trees.

This is just me, checking in.... went to bed early last night because, yes, friends and neighbors I am OLD and having a n00blett to feed is taking its toll. I notice the blogs here are light-hearted and informative, rarely introspective or depressed. So I will continue to go along with the crowd and not post any of my usual rambling inner thought processes.

 

Hmm... okay well just a warning to everyone who does NOT live anywhere near Atlanta GA; if you do not want children, don't move here. There's something in the water and everyone is having babies. I thought I was "special" or at least unique but tis not so. I get my tubes UNtied and next thing you know people all around me are getting with child. My husband's best friend moved up here with his wife last year and you know they are one of those unlucky couples who tried and tried to have babies but it wasn't to be. After about five (?) years of fertility treatments and yadda yadda they resigned themselves to being childless. 

So guess who is pregnant? Yep, his wife found out about her gestational baggage shortly after I gave birth. Another couple I know who were waiting on their HMO to kick in discovered their pregnancy shortly after said HMO actually kicked in. I had my baby just after my best friend had her second and my sister-in-law had her first. Met a really nice woman through mutual friends whose baby was born about two weeks after mine. Aaaand hubby's best friend's roommate is trying to conceive.

It must be connected to the drought. These things can't be coincidence alone, right? Next thing you know, my birthmother will be calling me to tell me her menopause has paused. *shudder*

(yes this whole entry was a lead-in to that one weak punchline) 

apparently this year's Bright Green Snot^TM Virus is contageous through the interwebby. I read about it on LJ then next thing you know...

 

Hubby macro'd the Lil Miss for your viewing pleasure

comics don't exactly mix with video (anime being it's own realm of geekdom) so I was hoping some other comic geeks might hear my cry and geek out with me..

 

I FINISHED PREACHER ZOMFG ITS AWESOMEASHELL!

 

Not as awesome as 100 Bullets, of course, (I would not diss you Brian!!) but still and all  - awesomeness abounds in Preacher!

Gimme yer fave graphic novel!

finally got to make the diaper I've been designing (mostly in my head) and wtf actually finished it on the same day! (well okay I haven't sewn the velcro on yet but that is so freakin trivial that I actually got another design idea before I did it!)

The thing looks freakin awesome, if I do say so myself. I made all the seams where I wanted them to be (only had to seam-rip twice), remembered to tuck in the ends, got the elastic exactly where it needed to be and actually had the hems straight HOLY FUCKING MOSES!

 This diaper is the culmination of several months of blood sweat and tears and a lot of screaming in frustration.

Why? Because up until attempting this gargantuan task, I was a sewing snob: I eschewed using a machine. Because I am a perfectionist and I insist on perfect seams that are invisible. That's just fine, of course, for when you're hemming up pants or redoing a crotch seam but it ain't gonna work when it's time to sew something from scratch.

The trials and tribulations.... but now I have a fantastic machine, professional thread and material and everything is coming together smoothly, like I knew it would when I started this. "Ya gotta hve the right tools for the job Beavis" - ain't that the ever-lovin truth?!

In other news of the happy; Lil Miss seems to have settled on a feeding schedule of about every two hours now. Well, before 8pm anyway. So now I can actually get a few things DONE around here without having to stop every 20-30 minutes to be Lil Miss' food supply. (Mooo!)

Damn but she's cute though... I am greedy and eat her up with my eyes at every opportunity.

ANd now I am definitely cut down on the cigs and look to be quitting (yes again) within a month. Hard, when "gonna get a smoke" is only impetus to take a break from Lil Miss (and the boys or family in general) but I think perhaps coupled with my renewed interest in getting to a healthy weight will help: I plan to use candy. Tried and true from what I understand. Needing to gain about 15 pounds I suppose the candy plan will work wonders. And I can eat candy since I'm working out every day. Hell I NEED to eat candy.... well we won't get into all that.... fight enough with the mister as it is about my (non)eating habits. But seems like everything is dovetailing nicely.

 

Ain't it grand when life gives you cookies?