Well no, not really. But with some BDUs and an ugly couch, you too can blend like Solid Snake; not too bad--though this dude probably should've used the green jungle boots...

Is that you, MarineGunrock? :-) 

 OK, so I’m all psyched to see Iron Maiden this summer at Merriweather
Post Pavilion in Columbia MD. I buy four tickets to take my son and
his friends (am I a cool Dad or WHAT?...don’t answer that!) at 55 dollars apiece,
fine. Then I look at the statement: $9.25 “convenience charge.” ....Per ticket.
$37.00 boys and girls! Are they effing KIDDING me?! For entering a few
keystrokes in a computer? No wait, that’s the 4 dollar “processing charge.” And
for what? I know it’s not for postage for them to mail my tickets, ‘cause…hey,
I’m printing MY OWN tickets, on MY paper! Which by the way is another $4.75.

Grand total for service charges: $45.75. That’s almost the cost of another
ticket, and for the lawn section, I think it is!

That’s enough bitching; as you can probably tell, this geezer hasn’t
bought concert tickets in a while. Oh well, what can I do? Just STFU and enjoy
the show! And if there are any ‘Sifters who happen to be there (June 18) let me
know, maybe we can meet somewhere.

Since I’ve been MIA lately (and appreciate the 'welcome back' from Lucky, Marinegunrock, gorgonheap, cheesemoo, and FJnbk), I want to
say thanks to ant, dotdude, djsunkid, jonny, sometimes, therealblankman, and
zifnab for the promotes during my absence. (All is well, things just got real hectic at work and home, cutting my free time drastically)

And it seem I missed quite a few goldie/diamond parties, so
I also want to give big “Congrats!” the folks who’ve reached their milestones:  Aceofclubz, Arsenault185, arvana, BillOReilly,
bicyclerepairman, blankfist, bleedingsnowman, berticus, captwilliard, choggie, ConstitutionalPatriot,
cyberbeast, darkrowan, deedub81,  dw1117,
dystopianfuturetoday, E_Nygma, eric3579, Fedquip, fissionchips, Issykitty, JAPR,
jimms, KOMMIE,  kronosposeidon, kulpin, laura,
legacy0100, MycroftHomlz, Oatmeal, pipp3355, qruel, rottenseed, Sarzy, sbchapm,
smibbo, sometimes, TheSnipe, Thylan (my God, this sounds like an Oscar acceptance
speech!), twiddles,  zeph, and..SiftBot? 

There, I hope I got everyone. It seems I have some catching
up to do: let’s see, no more ‘requeue’, ‘save’ is now ‘promote’, and...’kill’?!
What have you all been DOING?!

For those who don’t know, Dave Barry is a syndicated humor columnist based at the Miami Herald. One of his features is the Holiday Gift Guide, an annual column devoted to the more, um, unusual gifts one can find from creative entrepreneurs all over the country. Keep in mind, these are actual products, and someone thought these were good enough for people to buy. Here’s the introduction:

“The holiday season is a time when we should ponder the message of the classic tale A Christmas Carol by the great English writer whatshishame. In this story, the miser Ebenezer Scrooge, who cares about nothing but money, is visited in his house on Christmas Eve by three ghosts -- the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and Vice President Dick Cheney. They make Scrooge see the error of his ways by showing him what the town of Bedford Falls would have been like if James Stewart had never been born.

We can never watch that movie without crying. This is mainly because of our eggnog recipe (one egg, one quart rum). But it's also because the story of Scrooge reminds us what truly matters during the holiday season. Too often, all we think about at this time of year is presents -- shopping for them, giving them, getting them, opening them, trying to find eight double-A batteries for them, etc. But the lesson of A Christmas Carol is clear: We must not think only about presents. We must also think about securing our house from intruders, so they can't come in and steal our presents.

Yes, the sad truth is that there are bad people out there -- people who see the holiday season as an opportunity to perpetrate crimes and cruel scams on innocent victims. A good example is this Annual Holiday Gift Guide, which we publish every year in lieu of something that might actually be useful. This year is no exception. We have assembled a collection of gift concepts so unusual, so distinctive, that you will say: ``You made those up, right?”

No. There is not enough eggnog in the world. All of the Holiday Gift Guide items are actual products that you can buy (except for one that might be imaginary, which is just as well). We know this because we purchased them ourselves, taking care not to use our own personal money. After we received the items, we subjected each of them to our rigorous Two Step Quality Assurance Test:

• Step One: We examine the item to see if it has the words ''MADE IN CHINA'' on it.

• Step Two: If it does, we drop it like a diseased rodent.

It is because of the rigoroursness of this test that we are able to offer you our exclusive Holiday Gift Guide "No Excuses" Warranty, which states: "If you purchase any item from this Gift guide, you basically have no excuses."

So without further ado, here is the 2007 edition. Order now in time for Christmas! (or Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, whatever) My particular favorite is the Season Shot, and you can see more at their official site (happy hunting!)

 "All the leaves are brown...." (and red, green, orange, some yellow)

"and the sky is gray..." (actually, it's a sunny, crisp 49°F here as I write this)

ANYWAY, what I'm getting at is, I and the entire firefly clan will be heading to sunny, (smokey? smoldering?) southern CA to visit  family over Thanksgiving from November 17 through the 24th. After landing in L.A., we'll be in Victorville, Redlands, Chino, and Ontario seeing her family, and in Laguna Beach to see my brother. We'll visit Disneyland sometime while we're there, but that's all we have  planned so far.

Sometime during all this rigamarole, I would love to have a meet-up with some fellow sifters. A while ago Lucky suggested the 21st (that still work for you, Lucky?), and I know there are more of you out there, at least before the map went all screwy. Ant? Youdiejoe? Grimm? I know you may have holiday travel plans yourself, but anyway let me know. Hope to see y'all soon!

"I've been for a walk...on a winter's day" (it'll still be fall, but you get the idea!)