Surely Yogi and Groucho Marx are enjoying a rousing one upman match in the great beyond?!? I love me a witty and intelligent smartass ... these are/were two of my favorites

The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today.
You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese food.
The waiters never are rude.
Think of the many things they've done to impress.
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess.

So I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please

-- Eric Idle, from Monty Python's Flying Circus
Youtube so you can experience it in all its glory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH2P_pVze6s

Gonna say Oliver wasn't very witty here. He kind of just used the "equality is a no-brainer you assholes!!!" mantra and went with it. And while that might be true, the problem with his model of effect is that the subject makes him look like just another "argurer" for lack of a better word.

Meaning others have said what he has said just as good as how he has said it. And that means he isn't saying it in any special kind of way--like he normally does.

YES, PLEASE.

Also, why do the authorities always wait until the city is over-run by mindless zombies? The first time someone turns into the undead, you drop a nuke on the city, update the maps, and pretend the whole thing never happened. You don't wait around until a multi-ethnic foursome show up with shotguns, witty banter and a love of stock cars and carnival rides. No, you go Fat Man on the fuckers ASAP and score an easy 57 hits on YouTube with the video.

HEY! Don't roll your eyes at me -- this at least twice as sane as anything Donald Trump's shit out in the last 48 hours!

I think that's what all After Hours episodes are, compressing a handful of cracked articles from the last few years into witty dialogue. But it works, I think I'd rather digest it this way.

I always thought of Carlin as a philosopher trapped in a comedians body.

I think he's great; I agree with most of what he says, but I just don't think he's that funny. Witty, intelligent, insightful? Hell yeah. But never tears rolling down my face funny.

Also, my back hurts just looking at his posture

I'm going to write a comment about the video I just watched. It's going to attempt to be witty and perhaps absurd that includes a joke with a punchline intended to be a misdirect. I'll consider something that gets my point across, but is generally neutral and not too inflammatory so as not to rile up people who may have a strong opposing opinion, while still attempting to pander to and entertain those who agree strongly with my school of thought.

I'd like to come up with a great play on words that will catch everyone's attention, preferably something short and memorable, but the fact that the comment has already gone on this long is going to result in all my aspirations for it falling flat.

I'd like to conclude by executing an *invocation, but I know I'll get distracted and submit before I include it, and of course you can't invoke when editing, so I'll just leave the post un-invoked then re-read and re-re-read it and edit again and again trying to improve upon it and hoping I don't come across as a total dipshit, but knowing absolutely that's exactly how I'm coming across.

I was fortunate enough to meet Douglas Adams on the set of HGTTU in the 80's. I was an extra in those days, which supplemented my meagre income. I was the guard at the computer when the two guys ask the all important question. Also I was in the restaurant at the end of the universe episode. What did Adams say to me? Something profound or witty perhaps? Well, sadly not. He said, "excuse me," because I was standing in his way...
Still, it was good fun and I was receiving small amounts of repeat money for quite some time.

I didn't like how it went from witty, good beat and rhymes to douching it up...yeah, I get it...it's part of the persona but broke the rhythm...all that said--great battle. Glad to upvote it.

And I think Hitchcock won hands down. So much effort to become the character he plays. Lloyd is God...

History is based in lore my friend, so no, it started out as both. I don't think Vader was real...but then again it was never intended to be so. The problem is that they no longer use witty retorts and instead rely on crass words and fast beats.

Yeah, and I remember when you used to be witty and insightful even when I disagreed with you.

Now you're just posting passive-aggressive bullshit. And apparently, you can't even be bothered to proof read it either.

@Trancecoach is being a petty, infantile asshole and @VoodooV is right to call him on it, and yes, he's in flagrant violation of the rules.

I otter come up with a witty retort

Seems the "comedy" of this song only stems from the word cunt, rather than actual witty lyrics. Pass

Sorry you felt so betrayed and that this was my response to your first submission in years, but my being an admin does not exclude me from having or sharing an honest opinion.

I wasn't expecting any kind of physical assault, and if there was any I would've down-voted rather than abstained.

It comes down to a simple matter of opinion. In mine, there wasn't anything said that was clever or witty or poignant or a real potent zinger. He didn't shut her down, he just kept trying and failing to give her a good tongue lashing and she still kept right on yelling back. (Being shut down requires a person to desist.)

While he was digging for something good to say I kept watching and listening and waiting for him to hit paydirt and finally put her in her place, but it never happened. I think it's a matter of managing expectations; perhaps if the title didn't mislead me into expecting her to really be shutdown I would have been more neutral about his failed attempts to shut her down (though I still wouldn't have voted).