Gruel - "Gruel is a type of food consisting of some type of cereal—oat, wheat or rye flour, or rice—boiled in water or milk. It is a thinner version of porridge that may be more often drunk than eaten and may not need to be cooked."

So...I go to John Lewis if I'm an old man who wants to look at little girls through a telescope?


The Man in the Moon had silver shoon
And his beard was of silver thread;
He was girt with pure gold and inaureoled
With gold about his head.
Clad in silken robe in his great white globe
He opened an ivory door
With a crystal key, and in secrecy
He stole o'er a shadowy floor;

Down a filigree stair of spidery hair
He slipped in gleaming haste,
And laughing with glee to be merry and free
He swiftly earthward raced.
He was tired of his pearls and diamond twirls;
Of his pallid minaret
Dizzy and white at its lunar height
In a world of silver set;

And adventured this peril for ruby and beryl
And emerald and sapphire,
And all lustrous gems for new diadems,
Or to blazon his pale attire.
He was lonely too with nothing to do
But to stare at the golden world,
Or to strain at the hum that would distantly come
As it gaily past him whirled;

And at plenilune in his argent moon
He had wearily longed for Fire-
Not the limpid lights of wan selenites,
But a red terrestrial pyre
With impurpurate glows of crimson and rose
And leaping orange tongue;
For great seas of blues and the passionate hues
When a dancing dawn is young;

For the meadowy ways like chrysophrase
By winding Yare and Nen.
How he longed for the mirth of the populous Earth
And the sanguine blood of men;
And coveted song and laughter long
And viands hot and wine,
Eating pearly cakes of light snowflakes
And drinking thin moonshine.

He twinkled his feet as he thought of the meat,
Of the punch and the peppery brew,
Till he tripped unaware on his slanting stair,
And fell like meteors do;
As the whickering sparks in splashing arcs
Of stars blown down like rain
From his laddery path took a foaming bath
In the ocean of Almain;

And began to think, lest he melt and stink,
What in the moon to do,
When a Yarmouth boat found him far afloat,
To the mazement of the crew
Caught in their net all shimmering wet
In a phosphorescent sheen
Of bluey whites and opal lights
And delicate liquid green

With the morning fish — 'twas his regal wish —
They packed him to Norwich town,
To get warm on gin in a Norfolk inn,
And dry his watery gown.
Though St. Peter's knell waked many a bell
In the city's ringing towers
To shout the news of his lunatic cruise
In the early morning hours,

No hearths were laid, not a breakfast made,
And no one would sell him gems;
He found ashes for fire, and his gay desire
For choruses and brave anthems
Met snores instead with all Norfolk abed,
And his round heart nearly broke,
More empty and cold than above of old,
Till he bartered his fairy cloak

With a half waked cook for a kitchen nook,
And his belt of gold for a smile,
And a priceless jewel for a bowl of gruel,
A sample cold and vile
Of the proud plum porridge of Anglian Norwich —
He arrived much too soon
For unusual guests on adventurous quests
From the Mountains of the Moon.

Your video, The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Nope, we don't eat salmon for breakfast. It is much more boring, sandwiches, porridge, coffee, milk, bacon&eggs, cornflakes, juice, that sort of things.. Salmon is way too expensive to have on breakfast... If you happen to have it, yeah maybe but not everyday..

But we may have horse or reindeer meat in the sausage (meetwurst) on our the sandwhich... We don't eat horse as a dish but it is often mixed in the sausage, it has to be seasoned strongly, so it fits in quite well and you don't need a lot of it. Reindeer of course is more common and less controversial as it's traditionally herded in Lapland and can be a full dish. "Poronkäristys", loosely translated as Reindeer Fry Stew is pretty good served with lingonberry jam and mash potatoes but it's a bit expensive.

Too bad they didn't have reindeer in there, that would've freaked the kids the hell out: "you are eating Peter the Rednose reindeer"

Frustrating yet relieved to see that the western world is finally noticing the terrible condition these North Koreans live under. As a Korean American I had access to Korean news during the 90s and I remember hearing these horror stories in North Korea, and yet no other First World countries cared enough for this region politically to do anything about it. Hell, if Dennis Rodman can meet the goddamn leader of North Korea, how hard can it be to send a few bowls of porridge into the country? Fucking hell.

The founder and CEO of Hyundai motor group was himself born and raised in North Korea who had immigrated south just before the Korean war began, and he personally spent millions of his personal money to send 1000 full grown cows to north Korea by the truckload, and convince the North Korean leaders to open their borders and accept US/South Korean aid in. That was the 90s she was talking about. Fucking Cows man. Basketball players and Cows.

To this day we have North Korean refugees in China selling their bodies to make ends meet, and little children pickpocketing in the street. This is not some history lesson. This is an on going news coverage.

>> ^Reefie:

>> ^Yogi:
Great show, miss Frankie, BBC are a bunch of cunts that don't understand comedy.

BBC understand comedy, let's see there's Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Red Dwarf, to name just several classic comedy shows known and admired around the world. Blackadder, Porridge, Absolutely Fabulous, Only Fools and Horses, Morecambe and Wise, One Foot in the Grave, The Two Ronnies, The Young Ones, Fry and Laurie, My Family, 'Allo 'Allo, Yes Minister, The Vicar of Dibley, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, I could go on and on and on but I think I've established the trend... The BBC also spends a lot of money promoting new and established comedians performing at large venues like the Apollo, and also runs the BBC New Comedy Awards annual ceremony which is considered one of the highlights of the comedy calendar. Frankie is a gem and a fellow Scot so I'm biased in favour of him but let's not forget he left comedy behind of his own accord. Can't blame the BBC for that.
In fact if you're going to slag off the BBC the least you can do is come live over here for a year and pay your TV licence fee so a) you're contributing, and b) you actually have a leg to stand on if you're going to make ludicrous and offensive claims.


You're naming classic comedies that shaped the world...and do not apply in this discussion (The good ones, not the shit you listed). Just don't even bother making an argument next time if you're going to produce strawmen like this. Monty Python and Fawlty Towers are amazing...AND OLD! Really fucking old and were made at a time where the BBC wasn't run the way it's run now.

Frankie was constantly harassed and treated like shit on Mock the Week by it's Producers because they kept getting complaints from stupid people who think their opinion matters. Frankie was the funniest part of that fucking show, the BBC took him away, so YES they don't understand that saying offensive things is a comedians job. You don't have the right to not be offended.

I'm glad you're offended because you're fucking wrong. The BBC used to produce seriously funny shit...some of the most cherished shows ever. Now they produce crap, because it's an upside down pyramid of executives noting shows to death and killing the funny parts of others because some mother called in to complain.

You are whats wrong with humanity. You're a lowly wretch who defends morons who ruin things for the rest of us. Why don't you go work for NBC you evil monster.

>> ^Yogi:
Great show, miss Frankie, BBC are a bunch of cunts that don't understand comedy.


BBC understand comedy, let's see there's Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Red Dwarf, to name just several classic comedy shows known and admired around the world. Blackadder, Porridge, Absolutely Fabulous, Only Fools and Horses, Morecambe and Wise, One Foot in the Grave, The Two Ronnies, The Young Ones, Fry and Laurie, My Family, 'Allo 'Allo, Yes Minister, The Vicar of Dibley, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, I could go on and on and on but I think I've established the trend... The BBC also spends a lot of money promoting new and established comedians performing at large venues like the Apollo, and also runs the BBC New Comedy Awards annual ceremony which is considered one of the highlights of the comedy calendar. Frankie is a gem and a fellow Scot so I'm biased in favour of him but let's not forget he left comedy behind of his own accord. Can't blame the BBC for that.

In fact if you're going to slag off the BBC the least you can do is come live over here for a year and pay your TV licence fee so a) you're contributing, and b) you actually have a leg to stand on if you're going to make ludicrous and offensive claims.

Don't watch this while eating porridge like I just did. I'm skipping breakfast now.

>> ^ChaosEngine:

>> ^GenjiKilpatrick:
Hah! But no, seriously.
@<a rel="nofollow" href="http://videosift.com/member/lantern53" title="member since August 6th, 2010" class="profilelink">lantern53 knows.. that depriving servers of a living wage and forcing them to bust their asses for 5% gratuity on a $130 check.. you know, builds character.
Struggling in quasi-poverty for years of your life is what the American Dream is all about! duh.
That's why Mitt Romney is such a great American and needs to be President.
He knows what it's like.. to force people to struggle. For their own good.
p.s. - Everyone knows that raising the minimum wage is just another Socialist/Marxist scheme by Obama to disenfranchise the Job Creators in this country.
While I completely agree that people should be paid a living wage, I don't really have a problem with tipping. People should bust their asses in their job, especially if your job is customer facing. Customer service in the USA is so much better than almost anywhere else I've been, (it's particularly bad in NZ)


Just a meaningless anecdote (just find it funny that you mention it):

I went to Sydney once (15 years ago) and the very first day, I went to a place called the Juba Cafe. My friend and I were surprised to find porridge on the menu, because all I knew of porridge was from Oliver Twist or Little Orphan Annie. Our server, who's name was Anna, was really surprised to hear it, so she bought us porridge to convince us it was good. It was. Then, after we ate (before we tipped her) she invited us over to her apartment for some wine that night. When we got there, she had invited all her friends over to meet "her new Americans." They gave us wine, we talked for a long time about NZ (where she was from) and they rolled me the first "baseball bat" that I ever smoked, with the the little cardboard filter in it and everything. They also introduced me to Aphex Twin (the "Richard D. James Album") and we bonded over Ween, which I was surprised to hear they knew all about, even in 97'. So, after we were completely blitzed, Anna and her friends took us out to dinner, where we ate and drank and talked for hours and didn't pay a dime while these guys all treated us to a great first night in their city. I'm not even sure how we got home, but they sure didn't let anything bad happen to us.

The reason I mention it, is that I would say it was, easily, the best service I've ever had in my entire life, anywhere. We had to leave town the next day and I never saw or spoke to any of those guys again. I really wish I'd kept in contact with them because I owe them so much more than a night out. I still roll a fat bat and pop in the Aphex Twin on a pretty regular basis.

@bareboards2:
Røget ørred med røræg og rød grød med fløde.
Translated its:
Smoked Trout with scrambled eggs and "red porridge" with cream.

A better tongue twister in danish is
"Plukke frugt med en brugt frugt plukker"
I think.
"Picking fruit with a used fruit picker" basically.

From the link in the description:

Published on Friday 11 November 2011 16:52

ANGRY mum Julia Hazel got her own back on car clampers – with a bucket of sludge and a video camera. The 43-year-old saw red after her son’s car was clamped in Cosham, Portsmouth, and she had to stump up the £205 release fee. She filled a bucket up with porridge, frozen vegetables and food colouring to turn the mixture bright yellow. Then she went down to the car park, behind the Iceland store in Old Market Road, and lay in wait.

When a clamper from controversial firm City Watch turned up, Julia chased him round the car park with the bucket before emptying the contents over the seats of his van. Her friend Vicki Hamlyn, 48, filmed the episode on a video camera. [...]

She said: ‘I got a call from my son to say he had been clamped, even though he had left his car for literally two minutes so he could get change for the meter.‘The situation was disgusting enough but what infuriated me was overhearing the clamper in the background saying “are you going to get mummy then are you?”.

‘At that point I saw red. My son didn’t have the money to pay so I had to go down and hand over the money or else they were going to tow his car away. Afterwards I realised something needed to be done.

(More at the link.)

hrmm. You know, "cream wheat" would almost work the same as TVP or gluten cakes once left to cool and solidify. Good call on that

In reply to this comment by ghark:
>> ^BoneRemake:

>> ^ForgedReality:
I wonder how many millions of dollars that phone call cost me.

cost you ? a fraction of a penny or A penny. Guess its beans for the rest of the week for you.


Porridge sandwiches are awesome when on a budget.

>> ^BoneRemake:

>> ^ForgedReality:
I wonder how many millions of dollars that phone call cost me.

cost you ? a fraction of a penny or A penny. Guess its beans for the rest of the week for you.


Porridge sandwiches are awesome when on a budget.

@NordlichReiter, this is as much as I can figure out:

Turkish: Well, Do you want to do it?

Mickey: That depends...

Turkish: On what?

Mickey: On you buying this Caravan. Ach, not the rouge. The rose.

Turkish: It's not the same caravan.

Mickey: It's not the same fight!

Turkish: It's twice the fucking size as the last one!

Mickey: Turkish, the fight is twice the size and me Ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal... take it.

Turkish: Mickey, we're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich. ... I wasn't calling your mom a tart, I just meant...

Mickey: Eh, save your breath for coolin' your porridge. Now look, she wants a [heck?] with two roof lights, the [something] frame furniture, and the scarlet cushions with the matching sideways cover.... Right! And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue, b'ys!

Todays lesson.. do not watch this video after gorging youself on porridge. Now, where are my atomic monitor wipes?