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Weekend Update: Christmas Joke Swap 2023 - SNL

Ukraine losing 500 troops daily in Bakhmut fight

newtboy says...

Sweet Jeebus….you are posting videos from Hindustan Times directly quoting rebel and Wagner commanders as facts and YOU say I’M listening to propaganda!?!

Oh my, you are the funniest little fool I’ve ever encountered. No matter how many times they feed you anti democracy lies, you are there on your knees mouth agape ready to swallow more. 😲

bobknight33 said:

Looks like yo are listening to the propaganda.

Time will tell.

Mouse Jumps Into Fryer At WhataBurger in Texas

newtboy says...

All 3 of those employees thought this was the funniest thing, look at them smiling and laughing. If that isn’t enough to make you not eat fast food cooked by school kids for minimum wage, you deserve all the mouse tails and rat turds you eat.

Side note, miss you @Mordhaus

George W. oopsie regarding Ukraine.. Iraq invasion

Chocolate cake, GameBoy and me

Tales From the Far Side Parts 1 & 2

newtboy says...

As someone who has the two volume compendium of Far Side, and who remembers these animations from the mid 90's.....nope.
For me, Larson is funniest when you figure out all the little jokes behind the main joke. It doesn't work for me when they beat each joke into the ground.

BSR (Member Profile)

BSR (Member Profile)

The Dog Walker

BSR says...

My mistake. Thanks for mentioning it.

BTW you spelled funniest wrong.

This is now the funniest shit I've ever seen.

overdude said:

Please explain. You got the number wrong in your comment. Is that why it's the funnies shit you've ever seen? IDGI.

The Watermelon Joke That Saved Me After I Got Pulled Over

noims says...

@StukaFox, funnily enough today I was thinking of a joke I used to tell back in the day. I couldn't find just now in a 2 minute search making it less likely you've heard it before, so I'll write out a quick version. It's not the funniest or the dirtiest, but it's fun to tell.

So a guy's looking to kill himself and fortuitously comes across a sign saying 'for an interesting death enquire within.' This being a joke he decides he has to give it a go.

Inside is an absolutely huuuuge naked woman. She first instructs him to put his belt on her. He struggles, but eventually manages. "Now," she says "pull it tighter until I'm thin." With every ounce of strength and leverage he can muster he gets the belt to the last notch. Struggling for breath she says "Now eat my pussy". He's starting to suspect a scam, but he goes for it anyway. "Harder!" she gasps, grinding against him. He pushes back against her as hard as he can. "harder! HARDER!" He's pushing so hard he's struggling to breathe. He suspects she's just trying to smother him with her pussy when he feels her starting to orgasm. He pushes harder still. Her muscles tense and pulse until suddenly the belt can't take it any more - POP! Ssccchhhhlllup! And he was never seen again.

----

Bonus clean joke I saw when I searched for the one above: Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're prepared to face the reaper cushions.

Chris Distefano's 9/11 Story

Tom Hanks At-Home Quarantine Monologue - SNL

spawnflagger says...

He did introduce the musical guest, but other than the intro that was it.
His dig on SNL "trying to be funny" was actually the funniest part of the show. Pete Davidson's music video was pretty good (not funny, but still entertaining). Michael Che talking about his grandma was good (not funny, but touching).

BSR said:

Other than the intro I didn't see a Tom Hanks skit on SNL YT.

funniest punchline on QI

Mordhaus (Member Profile)

Boondocks predicted the chicken sandwich wars

newtboy says...

Sure, the world has had fire since it's been a planet, but if I told you in 1979 that in the next 5 years both the world's funniest comedian and most popular pop star would survive catching themselves on fire, that's still a miraculously accurate prediction.

Chicken restaurant chain releases new chicken sandwich, runs out, and causes multiple riots was hardly foreseeable, imo....at least not the first time. I kind of expected it for the reboot, granted.

Sagemind said:

I don't think it was "predicted"
The world's been burning since the world's been turning!"
"Same as it ever was!"



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Beggar's Canyon