>> ^dystopianfuturetoday:

Not the best TED.


That's because it's not really a TED talk. TEDx is an independently run event. She wouldn't get away with this at a real TED conference, because you aren't allowed to sell anything tangible in your talk, like a book.

People like Mel Robbins, Dr. Phil and their ilk mean well. The problem is that people rarely walk away from these self-help seminars, with anything they will able to use. You leave the talk with this fortune cookie wisdom, elevated adrenaline and a endorphin rush. However this wears off. You are then back to square one with the same problems and a wallet that is $200 lighter.

It's naive and simplistic to think that you can rid yourself of problems, with a slogan. Slogans that are ever so popular in western culture, that it's no wonder that these people have a cache of them, ready to disseminate at a seminar.

I have the impulse to down vote this video in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 .. damn I missed the 5 second rule. Sometimes practicing restraint and not acting on impulse, can be good.

Final thought: How she tried to distance herself from the other self-help charlatans (in the opening 3 minutes), was a touch of brilliance.

According to Steve Salemo's book Sham (ISBN 978-1400054091), a good read btw, he has described himself as the world's worst marriage counsellor (which was his job prior to becoming Oprah's guru, although the Jimbo's big bag'o'trivia article doesn't mention that at all).
>> ^alien_concept:

>> ^Boise_Lib:
(Not Really A) Dr. Phil is a pompous asshole.
Thanks a lot, Oprah.

He's not a Dr?? Well what the fuck is he then?

>> ^alien_concept:

>> ^Boise_Lib:
(Not Really A) Dr. Phil is a pompous asshole.
Thanks a lot, Oprah.

He's not a Dr?? Well what the fuck is he then?


A charlatan.

He does have a PHd--so technically he can claim the Dr.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_McGraw
His dissertation was titled: "Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention".
Quack! North Texas University must be so proud.

From the wiki:
"In 1983, McGraw and his father joined Thelma Box, a successful Texas businesswoman, in presenting "Pathways" seminars, "an experience-based training which allows individuals to achieve and create their own results."
Quack Quack!!

Charlatan.

>> ^Boise_Lib:

(Not Really A) Dr. Phil is a pompous asshole.
Thanks a lot, Oprah.


He's not a Dr?? Well what the fuck is he then?

(Not Really A) Dr. Phil is a pompous asshole.

Thanks a lot, Oprah.

my teacher did something similar when i was in kindergarten. one of my earliest and fondest memories of why no one deserves respect that doesnt give it.

this isnt as bad as forced-drinking of hotsauce and taking cold showers, while being forced to tell why you're being punished, like that lady on Dr. Phil

>> ^kymbos:

One word: Oprah.


Even better...Dr Phil.

I detest Dr. Ph(a)il. I don't know why he does the thing he does and why he's still around doing it still. What right does he have to bring in Ted and then bring the rest of his family over when Ted's life has been on high speed for with all the media attention? There's a time and place and family matters are always a delicate and tricky process to tackle. Let things settle down first. Then let him approach his family at will. It is up to him and his family on when it is the right time. And they all should know that.

This is shit judgment on Dr. Phil's part and I sure hope that idiot regrets it. I guess that "Dr." is nothing more than a fake label for him.

This is none of our business. Dr. Phil needs to get a life.

>> ^ctrlaltbleach:

I think this is a dupe.
dupeof=http://videosift.com/video/Craig-Ferguson-s-Banned-Dr-Who-Cold-Open


With almost two minutes of extra footage, this should get a pass.

I still think the routine is dumb, but I'll leave it alone for the Dr Phil jab.

Is she the worst parent in the world?

No, as others have pointed out, not by a long-shot. However, she is definitely misguided, as Dr. Phil said on the show (thanks for the transcripts @Sagemind). Her discipline techniques are based on the idea that humans don't do "bad" things because we fear punishment. Hence, if a child does something wrong, it's because he isn't scared enough of the consequences. The obvious next logical step from that point of view is to scare the kid even more out of doing the behavior again. Like Dr. Phil said, the research shows that style of discipline is not going to get the behavior adjustment she hopes for and may have significant unintended side-effects (i.e. the kid growing up to have some kind of anxiety disorder).


Is this child abuse?

It's difficult to say just from this video. Although some might claim she is "terrorizing the child" there's a lot of ambiguity that needs to be sorted out as to what that means exactly. She's certainly not doing any physical damage to the child and unfortunately no one will know the mental effects until after the child is an adult--we don't see how she is with her kids when she's not disciplining them, after all. If this is a relatively infrequent occurrence at the house (the transcripts suggests she only started using the hotsauce recently out of desperation) and she's a nurturing and loving parent the rest of the time, it could very well be that this is something the kid will grow up and be able to laugh about. If she's like this 24-7 then yeah, the kids need to be removed from the home immediately.

I understand the kneejerk reaction of a lot of Sifters, though. "I would never do that to my kids," people are quick to say. I certainly wouldn't either. But I wonder if it has occurred to those same posters that the discipline techniques they happen use on their own kids would be considered abusive by someone else (not in the legal definition, just in the "I would never do that" kind of way). I saw some proponents of spanking in the comments, which actually IS illegal in many European countries.

The responses to this video remind me of the psychology experiment in which one group is shown a video of a man kicking a vending machine. In a follow-up interview, the viewers state that the man seemed violent and irrational and most are scared of him. Another group is shown the same video only this time they also get to see what happened before he kicked the machine: he put money in, the item he selected got stuck as it fell down the chute, and he kicks it to dislodge and retrieve the item. This group feels the man acted in a rational manner.

The point here is that we got to see only a brief, glimpse into this woman's family (one that was selected for the most dramatic TV value possible) and a lot of Sifters jumped to the conclusion that she was a psychotic abusive bitch. Is she? I don't know. And neither do you.

Two things are certain. One, this video has absolutely nothing to do with religion (thanks to previous posters for pointing this out).

Two... the video is really hard to watch.

From Dr Phil's Website:

Dr. Phil plays a video of Jessica standing in her bathroom yelling at her 7-year-old son, Kristoff. Dr. Phil interrupts the tape before its completion and turns to the mom of six.

“So that makes sense to you?” he asks, indicating her discipline techniques.

“I don’t know what to do with this child,” she replies.

“I’m just going to tell you up front, there is no theory under which that is going to work. There is no theory under which that makes sense,” Dr. Phil says. “You had to know that was going to be my attitude about this.”

“Of course,” she says.

When the videotape ends, mouths hang open, and many audience members wipe away tears.

“I need to say this and be very clear. We didn’t shoot that tape. Your daughter shot that tape,” Dr. Phil reminds Jessica. “Because if I had a camera crew in your home shooting that, and they didn’t intervene and stop it, there would be something seriously wrong with my camera crew. I think anybody would look at that and say that that is absolutely outrageous, it is over the top, it is abusive, it is inefficient, it is out of control. I’m sorry. I just have to tell you the truth.”

“You’re completely entitled to your opinions,” Jessica says. “That’s why I’m here.”

“I’m glad you are here, because I’m telling you, that has to stop,” Dr. Phil warns Jessica. “If you say you’ve been through everything — you’ve tried time-outs, you’ve done this, you’ve done that — if you’re down to that, then you need to give the child up, because you are out of control. Somebody in the audience yelled out, ‘That is evil.’ I don’t believe that. I don’t believe you’re an evil person. I think you are misguided. I think you think you’re doing the only thing you know how to do, but that is totally unacceptable.”

“Then tell me what I need to do with him,” Jessica says in frustration.

Dr. Phil explains what Jessica means in the videotape when she says Kristoff “pulled three cards" at school. Green means good job, yellow is a warning, blue is a time-out, orange means removal from class and red means a trip to the principal’s office. “He had three cards that day. What were they for?” Dr. Phil asks.

“He was throwing pencils, he was sword fighting with another child, and he was acting out in another class,” Jessica replies.

“Your theory is, based on that, he then lied about it? He didn’t tell you he got the three?”

“Correct.”

“Let me tell you, I would lie 100 out of 100 times. You are teaching him to lie,” Dr. Phil points out. “Based on results, what you’re doing isn’t working.”

“So tell me what will,” Jessica says. “I will be happy to abandon all of that.”

“I believe you are desperate for answers,” Dr. Phil notes.

In an interview, Jessica’s husband, Gary, explains how he feels about his wife’s methods for disciplining Kristoff. “Jessica is more frustrated than angry, because we’ve added more kids to the house. When Jessica gets frustrated, I see her having a shorter temper. Kristoff has not reacted to much of our discipline,” he says. “The idea for hot sauce came up from my wife talking to a friend of hers. In the military, we use cold showers for discipline, basically to get people’s attention. When Kristoff gets a cold shower, he pays attention at the moment. I feel like I’m strict with my kids.”

When the videotape ends, Dr. Phil turns to Jessica. “You believe that, in fact, he has reactive attachment disorder,” he says, referring to her adopted son.

“Correct,” she answers.

“Is that your diagnosis, or has he been seen by a professional who has rendered that diagnosis?”

“He was seen by a professional for a while, but I don’t know if that professional diagnosed him as reactive attachment disorder,” Jessica replies.

“He is a twin, and his brother is not like this at all,” Dr. Phil points out.

http://www.drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/6062/?id=6062&showID=1545

Also:
Reactive attachment disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder

>> ^Pantalones:
That was pretty weak. Hot sauce and a cold shower? Please, I'd have taken that any day. Y'all need to see some real child abuse before you accost this woman as the spawn of hell. She was in control of her actions and the consequences sounded like they were predetermined.
Here's a measure of rationality: you're siding with Dr. Phil.


I mentioned getting mouthfuls of fairy washing up liquid when I lied or swore as a child, but didn't mention the thick leather belt with the huge buckle my mother kept for special occasions (well, mostly when she was drunk or in a bad mood so most of the time really), or the cane that my headmaster used for giving pupils 6 of the best (even the best behaved boys and girls could expect to be caned once a month). Did I mention we were also forced to take cold showers in the morning at school? Yes, it was a boarding school but thankfully a co-ed so it wasn't all bad Must've been worse for the Eton boys! I can take it, and I reckon most people who grew up with such abuse can too. Mind you, our definition of child abuse can be very different to the extremes of abuse in some other countries.

What I find hard to decide in any absolute terms is how much punishment is necessary to make people aware of the consequences for their actions. While I would never go to extremes with leather belts or canes I think there is a balance to be found for each individual child. Having said that, some things are just torturous and really aren't necessary. Finding the right balance of unpleasantness as a consequence is something that has to be decided and warranted for each wrongful act. Premeditated consequences like this only enforce a mental conditioning that prevents the child being able to properly express himself in later life.

Theres a little bit more on Dr. Phils website (not much mind):
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1545

I'll take a quick beating and a hug over psychological torture any day...>> ^Stu:

uhh ya, that's not much for people to be crying over. Nothing physical, some mental punishment. Call me when the kid is screamed at and thrown threw drywall. He can join the club.
Side note, hot sauce is delicious.>> ^Gallowflak:
>> ^Pantalones:
That was pretty weak. Hot sauce and a cold shower? Please, I'd have taken that any day. Y'all need to see some real child abuse before you accost this woman as the spawn of hell. She was in control of her actions and the consequences sounded like they were predetermined.
Here's a measure of rationality: you're siding with Dr. Phil.

Uh-huh.
Fuck you.