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Your Grandma Shouldn't Be Attractive. Cam Bertrand

BSR says...

Neil Armstrong's Last Words On The Moon-

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

The Watermelon Joke That Saved Me After I Got Pulled Over

luxintenebris jokingly says...

moonsammy: great take. thumbs-up! crystalized my thoughts exactly!*

a couple of rules of comedy are 'know your audience' and [the joke] 'it has to be funny'. if there is no laugh, either you told it wrong, told it to the wrong person, or your wrong about it being funny. your audience is the final judge. not their duty to laff at your doody joke.

stukafox: okay [btw: the watermelon joke is very old] but not going w/the worst or nastiest, just with a few of old risqué ones.

novice is riding back to the convent w/the mother superior on their bicycles through the medieval section of the town. mother superior tells the novice "let's cut through this alleyway". the alley is long, rough and bumpy but the novice agrees. when they get back on the regular route the novice says, "that was new! I've never come that way before!" mother superior says, "it's the cobblestones."

a woman notices her neighbor's tomatoes are fully ripening while her's are still green. she asks him "how do you get your tomatoes to ripen so quickly?" he tells her, "I get up around dawn while I'm still in my bathrobe and open it and flash them. they get so embarrassed they turn red." women tells him she's going to try it but later in the evening. the next day, the neighbor sees the woman and asks "so? did it work?" the woman turns to tell him, "no. it didn't - but YOU SHOULD SEE MY CUCUMBERS!

an old woman was talking w/her younger friend. old woman tells her about some of the older woman in town. "oh! don't let them fool you! they were pretty wild in their day! " then she went on and listed all the men a trio of sisters went through and each tête à tête they had. the list was shockingly impressive enough that the younger woman said, "gee...maybe they couldn't help themselves...maybe they suffered from a hereditary disease?" the old woman cocks her head back and eyes the younger woman then says, "hereditary? hell! yes! it was! it was IN THEIR JEANS!!!"



*david letterman

Ernest Tubb - Saturday Satan, Sunday Saint

bobknight33 says...

Saturday Satan, Sunday saint
Foolin' your neighbors
That's what you think
Readin' the good book
Singin' the hymns
Come Monday morning and it's back to a life of sin

Old brother Brown
All week he steals
Tells everyone
His big business deals
The deacon walks by
A dollar hits the plate
Tryin' to buy himself a ticket to the pearly gates

Old sister Rose
On the very first row
Been a-sittin' right there
Twenty years or so
Never hears a word
When the preacher speaks
Too busy talkin' bout the bad girl down the street

Saturday Satan, Sunday saint
Foolin' your neighbors
Readin' the good book
Singin' the hymns
Come Monday mornin' and it's back to a life of sin
This little song holds good advice
Though some people may
Think it ain't too nice
Well, if you're one
Who's wearing the shoes
Well, there's somebody watchin' and he ain't nobody's fool

Saturday Satan, Sunday saint
Foolin' your neighbors
Readin' the good book
Singin' the hymns
Come Monday mornin' and it's back to a life of sin
Come Monday mornin' and it's back to a life of sin

Icicles Form on Ceiling Fan Amid Freezing Temperatures Texas

newtboy says...

And more Derp..
Reported today, the Texas governor and numerous other officials were warned days ahead of the storm by the then chair of the public utility commission of Texas DeAnn Walker that the state did not have nearly enough natural gas on hand to get through the storm. This, she warned, was guaranteed to cause power outages during the deadly freeze which would result in Texans dying unnecessarily.
They made no moves to get more.
Because they refuse to meet minimum federal standards, they could not just go to their neighbors during the emergency begging for help, but could have purchased more natural gas beforehand...they had plenty of warning to prepare.

Instead the asshats ignored the shortages, ignored the deadly storm, and pretended the power went out because their wind turbines weren't weatherized (which they would have been if they ran like California, especially California before deregulation destroyed our systems decades ago). This led to many deaths by freezing. Foreseen, avoidable deaths and billions in damages.


Once again, since you seem ignorant, California's power problems are due 100% to lack of maintenance by the companies that took over when we deregulated decades ago under Republican Pete Wilson's administration. (Btw, because I don't think you know, between '82 and 2011 California was under Republican leadership for all but 4 years) The for profit companies deferred maintenance so much that now they are the main cause for billions in wildfire damages... and the solution? Not catch up on maintenance, just shut down if there's wind. That's what deregulation gets you. That's what you advocate for and support....then deride as a liberal idea when it fails miserably.
So much ignorant delusion. It's all the right is based on today. Baseless lies and morons who believe it and NEVER verify. Lol indeed.

TangledThorns said:

When the Democrats take over Texas they can run its power just like California's because everyone knows California never has power problems, lol!

00Scud00 (Member Profile)

siftbot says...

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00Scud00 (Member Profile)

A Message from Alaskans (to Texas) on Wind Power

newtboy says...

My understanding was that the areas that rely on wind for up to 25% of their power were not the areas that had power shortages but on the contrary were some of the only generation still happening in the state....of course, if Texas wasn't so obstinate they would agree to meet federal standards, would have upgraded both their wind and fossil fuel generation to withstand hard freezes, and would have had access to power from their neighbors if they still failed, and would have had billions of federal dollars to make it happen, but noooooo.....

Truth be told, Texas expected only 7% of total winter generation to be renewable/wind and got much more than that. They lost nearly half of their wind generation capabilities temporarily at the peak of the freeze, 16GW, but that loss was only half what was lost from natural gas and nuclear coolant freezing, 30+GW, and it was down longer.

(btw, I was born and raised in Texas)

Spacedog79 said:

Indeed, amazingly the wind power in Texas actually met expectations of the power it would provide in the cold snap.

The trouble is wind is so undependable they only counted on there being about 10% of capacity available. Wind gets absolved of blame by having almost no expectation that it will be available in the first place.

I say screw wind, build nuclear reactors instead and get the job done properly.

bobknight33 (Member Profile)

JiggaJonson says...

I look forward to you changing your picture like I looked forward to (and then got to see) my dumb-ass neighbor taking down his Q/Trump flag. Don't worry buddy, I'm sure he'll be back... any month now.

This is why we can't have nice things

noseeem says...

Have had LEDs quit within that time frame also. Most vexing is having to replace one LED w/another while the fluorescents in the neighboring sockets are still burning. Quite honestly, in another house, the fluorescents (save a couple) have been running since they were put in >5+ yrs ago.

Also, remember the hub-bub of folks demanding incandescent over those new swirly ice-cream blubs (ire and desire trumps pragmatism). Hearing this, and 'those' people, knew the new bulb types were definitely going to be better.

Having high ceilings, lousy knees and a fear of heights - changing blubs every few years is a luxury.

Mom Says Neighbors Repeatedly Call Cops On Her Kids

newtboy says...

She doesn't seem to realize she's a Karen too....assuming the rules don't apply to her and creating drama when told they do. Someone should cross out "neighborhood", "full", and "of" on her sign.
7 kids skating in the street until dark every day would be maddening. It may sound petty, but it wouldn't if she was your neighbor.
She says she doesn't know what to do....try telling your kids to skate at the skate park, or find a parking lot or alley not in a residential area. She knows they annoy the neighborhood but obviously hasn't told them to go elsewhere.
Skating in the street in California is a crime....so is denying your neighbors the peaceful enjoyment of their property. They should keep calling until she understands that, or file a lawsuit for a few thousand a month (per neighbor) until they quiet down.

Icicles Form on Ceiling Fan Amid Freezing Temperatures Texas

cloudballoon says...

Nah.... only things Republicans will take a good look at are progressive scapegoats, i.e. renewable, non-polluting energy!

To be fair, it IS a hard ask for the average Texans to be prepared for these type of event. but for the energy companies? That's a wholly different logic. At the very least, it's absolutely stupid (and arrogant) is isolate themselves from the neighboring power grid that Texans can't even buy power (or in very limited amount?) from neighboring states for emergencies.

Actually, the real problem in Texas is their always race to the bottom-line dollars, regulation be damn -- yeehaw! -- mentality. No other countries, or even most States in the USA, would be so dumb.

00Scud00 said:

Take a good look, this is what happens when you don't winterize your power generating infrastructure.

The Electric Vehicle Charging Problem

jimnms says...

I would love an EV, but I don't plan to buy a new car as long as my current one works. I used to drive a lot, but I don't drive as much these days, typically just around town and the occasional ~100 miles to a neighboring city that has things my little town doesn't have. An EV with 150 mile range and charging at home would suite me just fine for day to day use, and if I needed to go somewhere farther, I could rent, borrow or ride with a friend or family member if they're going too.

The two problems for me are, I don't have a garage, so I would have to install some ugly charging station in my yard next to the driveway. Then there is the cost, both the cost of the car and the cost of installing a charging station. I can't justify spending $30-35K on a new EV, when for less than half that I can buy a new gas car, and probably not even spend the difference in cost between the two in fuel over the life of the vehicle.

Squirrel jumps on UPS delivery man

StukaFox says...

I gotta squirrel story.
So when I lived in Mountain View, for Christ only knows what reason, the idiots in charge of power put this big-ass transformer thing on the corner of my property. The thing hummed with menace and I knew that shit wasn't right. But I didn't worry none because there was a big green metal cover over it that provided the same protection against horrendous death that a box of Kleenex would have provided the World Trade Center on 9/11.
One day, I'm standing on my balcony and drinking a beer. I mighta been stoned, too, only there's no 'mighta' that day. I'm watching the whorehouse across the street (really) and generally buzzing when I see a squirrel on the lawn. I hate squirrels. A motherfucking squirrel ate my bar fridge and fucked me outta the $50 I was selling it for on Craigslist (really).
Anyway, I got this longneck of Bud in hand and I'm working out whether I can brain the goddamn rodent with it when the neighbor's cat come rippin' ass from under the balcony and goes after Skippy.
Well here's some amusement!
The squirrel is running for it's pointless life and the cat is banking like a F-16 chasing an Iraqi MIG and I've already got $10 down on the kitty with a $3 over/under. I already know how this was gonna end and I was rootin' for it every step of the way.
Only it didn't.
The goddamn squirrel found the ONE way to get under that green metal cover I mentioned previously. The cat stops in amazement and I'm all pissed because I've been gypped outta Wild Kingdom's money shot.
A second later there's a flash like Ivy Mike going off from under the cover and an a concussive BOOM!! The fucking cover blasts off like a Space-X project gone horribly wrong -- or, in this case, delightfully right.
The cat jumps like 5 feet in the air and an arc of turds flies outta its butt, the cover returns to earth as a traffic hazard in the middle of Latham St., and the squirrel is basically vaporized. And now I'm the happiest motherfucker in Mountain View because dude, that shit was AWESOME!
I call out, "Babe! You won't believe what just happened!" 'cause you gotta totally share shit like that.
Then I realized everything is TOTALLY silent, like Little House on the Fucking Prairie silent.
"The power's out," my wife responds.
And it STAYED out for like two goddamn days while the putzes from the power company had to rewire pretty much everything that blew up.
Honey Badger didn't give a shit because Honey Badger'd copped an oz right before this shit happened. And as Fat Freddy taught us, "Dope will get you through times of no power better than power will get you through times of no dope." Or some shit like that. I dunno, I'm totally fucking baked right now.

C-note (Member Profile)

simonm (Member Profile)



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