Oh em gee that's a happy doggy.

Every time poor Walter looks at the camera all I see is his little doggy thought-bubble..."My person is so WHACK!!"

Come to think of it, are ya sure we're not watching a Meth & Fimo girl's night in here??

"No touchie?"...You must have kids, Mordhaus-Or a doggie

Wait, the jumpy doggy wasn't a fail.

Would angry daddy count as failures?

The way you described the breed you'd almost need someone who cared more about doggy all day than humans-Incredible. That's a lotta little doggy to wrangle-Most people would get one and fuck it all up-

This is a prime example of the fallacy of "dog guilt". According to people who know better than I dog's aren't believed to understand contextual responsibility like humans i.e. they don't get the idea that they did something wrong but simply that something IS wrong.

So for instance if there is poop in the room they understand from experience that the owner will go ape shit when they find it. They do not however understand that because THEY did a poo the owner will go ape shit.

That guilty look/walk/hiding in the corner is because the Dog knows the human is likely about to behave irrationally. Every time there has been poop in the room or the owner has walked in on them in a particular place etc. the owner has hit them or shouted or whatever so they know bad things are coming.

The crucial difference is they don't understand the idea that its their fault, only the set of circumstances leading up to it.
This may mean you get some very limited positive effect from punishment as the Dog will realise that not going to a particular place etc. seems to avoid the bad thing happening but as far as understanding that they have behaved badly it wont get you anywhere.

Rewards for desirable behaviour are orders of magnitude more effective than trying to discourage the bad because of this. Dogs don't have morals they just want to please you and trying to appeal to their sense of decency is a waste of both your time, all you will get is a dog that's been scared into inactivity.

If you don't want them to poop on the carpet then you should simply reward them for pooping where you do want them to go. It wont take long before they only poop in the places you rewarded them because deep down all that little doggie wants in life is for you to be happy with them and give them attention.

This dog is basically just cowering and submitting because he's either had, about to have or has previously had an unpleasant experience relating to recent circumstances. It dose'nt know it did wrong but it does understand that the owner is mad/behaving crazy so it assumes a submissive posture and hopes the whole thing will eventually blow over.

Dogs aren't people, their dogs! :-D

Between being fit, having a cute doggy and speaking Italian, if he came to the states he'd have to beat off the women with a riot hose.

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Just hangin' out in a bathtub acting like a doggy. Mreow.

Well, amendments are in order. I agree, the dreads are no thang, but I'd require a second female companion to provide untangled hair for my hair fetish.

The girl with dreads get the collar treatment. And she is NOT allowed to talk unless it's doggy sounds.

This goes especially for most dogs and harmonicas: It may be cute for you, but I fear doggies may be experiencing discomfort on a similar scale to a human too near a wailing siren...Some dogs don't flinch in proximity to harmonicas being blown-These may already be deaf??

Poor baby duckies have no mommy? Did they eat her? Explain.

Doesn't look like the doggy is doing a good dog of mothering them. Either eat them or take care of them. Just don't neglect them so.

Aww sounds like doggy misses the family.