I fucking hate pelicans.

Two days after I bought me a brand new '97 Camero Z-28, I was doing the 500 mile break-in and decided to drive up to the San Mateo coast for a nice little blaze up sesh at that beach next to Pescadaro. I park my new baby and trot down to the beach. Three hours and far too many hits later, I stumble back to my car.

And there, on the freshly-waxed hood of my Poor Man's 'vette, is a gigantic green, dinner-plate sized, dead-fish reeking gelatenous birdshit. This thing was fucking epic, too. At first, I was pissed, then I kinda had a sense of admiration 'cause y'all don't see that kinda bird turd every day -- it was really a once-inna-lifetime experience -- but then I went back to being fucking furious when the breeze blew the stench of rotting fish in my direction and I knew I be smelling that shit all the way down Highway 1 and back over 17. Oh yeah, and it was as thick as a pancake, too, and it was bookin' no shit from the poor Mexican fuck with the power washer that I paid $10 to wash it off back in Mountain View.

I know a pelican did it, too. Pelicans got no sense of decency. That goddamn flying monstrosity took one look at my bitchin' Camaro and said, "Yup, you're fucked now Human!" I'm sure that feathered fucker was storing that guano up for a week, just waiting for some oblivious stoner to park his BRAND FUCKING NEW car in that particular spot so it could projectile shit all over the hood.

Goddamn pelicans.

To be fair, my 3 year old tried to justify hitting things the other day by saying transformers hit (although, interestingly, he's never seen any transformers films or episodes).

In this case it's going to be a good while before he sees the Batman series (although I can't wait), but it's not always easy to keep them away from seeing that kind of thing.

Guano hitting someone, though, he'd find hilarious. It's not like it's something he can copy.

Reminds me of why I used to love them. Before Pop and Vertigo and all that Bono guano.

The sites a joke for reasons other than this user has chimed-in without understanding the jyst of 'reading anything before purchasing:' Here's a short list:

Hypocrisy/Double standards: Popularity fuels status through brown-nosing and robotic insincerity garners votes rather than content quality prompting the same.

Most people are afraid to cast a down-vote for content rather, they do it when they don't 'like' someone. Petty, pussified, and worthlessly dishonest.

Others, users with nothing better to do than to single out another for divisive abuse when his/her opinion or message doesn't jibe with their cloistered or developmentally-disabled world view, push the envelope with sophomoric rambling or graffiti in the form of retarded commentary on profiles or blatant rule-breaking while admins turn a lazy blind,or otherwise complicate eye....Seek professional help or leave the house every once in a while....Works wonders, kids.

Cocksuckers-by-choice, continue to bring the overall quality of the site down with inane ink-well-dipping and hair-pulling or other wise goading for example, Christians, those with conservative-leaning sensibilities, or constructive-critics, enough so that they stop contributing altogether, lurk, or disappear.

From time-to-time, it has been the job of the strongest-willed and long-suffering,to gently guide these users up the pathway upwards and into their own asses rather than enjoy the place and make whoopee with great content....

Yeah mygamesarefun, don't care if you joined by mistake or were simply dull, there is indeed an air of douche here that's entrenched which continually befouls the collective spirit of community.


Won't name names on my list, cocksuckers-by-choice have mirrors on walls in their funk-caves, down the hall from their game-controllers and pizza-stained and blistered microwaves, as well as the lavatories at their shit jobs or in their fucking mother's basement....Any doubts? Just look at the banter above and save your fucking money.

Oh and.....Have a NICE day.

(cue comment down-votes, and fuck-off.)


Some of the most egregious of violators are sure to chime-in on this thread, stay tuned for more guano, coming-up next.

"Guano."

>> ^radx:

blocked by GEMA

Balls! I will need to find and unblock version then Thanks!

Tags for this video have been changed from 'millions, billions, roaches, cockroaches, poos, bats, droppings, BBC, Planet, Earth, gross' to 'millions, billions, roaches, guano, bats, droppings, BBC, Planet Earth, gross' - edited by xxovercastxx

DFT

Bat guano.... EarthWorm castings... Rabbit crottels... otter spaints... deer fumets...

You must mean guano, which is the excrement (feces and urine) of bats, but also seabirds, and seals.



>> ^dystopianfuturetoday:
Why do bats get a personalized shit name? Does any other creature in the animal kingdom have a unique name for their droppings?

Yeah, I remember this one from a few years back. Pretty awesome.

And if anyone is curious about the song, it's Proud Like a God by the Guano Apes.

it means different things to different people.

but normally artificial fertilisers are frowned upon because they come from fossil fuels and they fuck up your soil.
he says they use composted food waste, which he doesn't call "fertilizer".

i should know, i just made a website that sells bat guano

incidentally this video is why marijuana is illegal... can you imagine a world where people just grow stuff, eat it, smoke it, laugh and say "no problem"? What the fuck would the arms industry and mafia do in such a society?

No, it's an uncut version of

http://www.videosift.com/video/Brady-Barr-in-a-Waist-Deep-Guano-River-Attacked-by-a-Python

If you watch the end of THAT clip, you can see the flesh wound he's screaming about.

Poor snake-- has to swim through bat guano every day back and forth to work.

Hooch is crazy! I can think of possibly a thousand more rewarding pursuits than wading through waist deep guano in a cave without breathing equipment and then having to wrestle large snakes.. that bite! Crazy I tell you.

yeah that was hilarious, I love the one where he gets stuck in the bat guano