Can I nominate someone else's joke?

I've already bought Torchlight 2 you son of a bitch!

With all due respect of course.

>> ^ReverendTed:

Can I nominate someone else's joke?


Sure but I was actually thinking about written jokes.

>> ^kceaton1:

I've already bought Torchlight 2 you son of a bitch!
With all due respect of course.


You might want to read the blog post more closely

The World Champions wanted some jokes,
So they implored of the Sift's fine folks.
They even offered up prizes,
With an aim to entice us,
But got naught from these humorless blokes.

A drunk walks into an upscale pub and, after a while, leans up against the bar.
"A snifter of Louis XIII," he slurs and drops three $100 bills on the bar.
The bartender, taken aback for a moment, looks the disheveled man up and down.
"Big spender!" the bartender says, pouring his drink.
"Life is good," the drunk replies, and promptly tosses back the cognac.
The bartender takes a second look at the man; his hair is a mess and his suit hasn't seen a dry cleaner in a while, and he swears the man smells faintly of urine. Hardly someone who can afford such a fine cognac.
"Inheritance?" the bartender presses.
The man looks up.
"No, no...I bet people. And I always win," the drunk smirks.
"What do you mean always?" the bartender asks.
The drunk takes a moment and looks around the bar.
"Here. You see that glass over there?" He points to a an empty mug of beer at the end of the bar, 20 feet away. "I'll bet you $100 I can piss in it from here."
Impossible! the bartender thinks. "You're on," the bartender says, shaking the drunk's hand (and quickly wiping it off on his apron).
Unsteadily, the drunk climbs up on top of the bar, pulls his dick out and begins peeing everywhere. He stumbles and steps in his own piss, causing him to slip and he plummets off the bar. The bartender looks over the railing and sees the man lying flat on his back, hands flailing, as his piss arcs up into the air and hits him directly in the face. The bartender erupts with laughter at the comical sight, slapping his hand on the bar in triumph.
Suddenly, across the room, a man shouts in anger and rushes the bar. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he screams.
Surprised, the bartender says "What?! What?"
The angry man points down at the drunk and yells, "He just bet me a thousand dollars that he could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it!"

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?".

The horse replies, "I was just diagnosed with cancer and have 3 weeks to live."

A horse walks into a bar.

The patrons quickly leave, sensing the potential danger of the situation.

I swallowed two pieces of string.

They came out tied together.

Really, I shit you knot.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

Celine Dion walks into a bar.

The collision is painful and embarrassing, but requires no medical attention.

>> ^campionidelmondo:

>> ^kceaton1:
I've already bought Torchlight 2 you son of a bitch!
With all due respect of course.

You might want to read the blog post more closely


I know, but pure ignorance is always more funny.

A man is lying on his deathbed in his home. Just before he croaks he smells the chocolate cookies his wife is baking in the kitchen. "That's the most wonderful smell in the world! I MUST go eat one before I die!" So he crawls down the stairs and through the house to the kitchen and reaches for a cookie when his wife suddenly hits his hand with a wooden spoon and says "THOSE are for the funeral!"

Okay, one more:

American beer is like having sex in a canoe...


















It's fuckin' close to water...

Why did the horse walk into the bar?

To get to the other side.

Guys, please keep it to one joke a person. Try to get more people to participate instead.