walls closing in on all these trump/maga idiots. every second i laugh harder at this

Mate, if those two got any closer together, that LIGO would be detecting the birth of a new black hole somewhere in the Sol system.

I used to love Church: a dinner of Taco Bell burritos, a wooden pew, and the word of Christ. Clench, lean 15 degrees to the left, relax your sphincter and PUSH! The silence that is golden will last about 10 seconds before the retching and piling out the doors brings an end to today's sermon. That's when you snatch the collection plate and bolt out the back door.

I lost a major source of income when I became an atheist.

Did you know Taco Bell delivers? At least in Seattle they do. I have to wonder what life choices lead to the terminus of hauling two dollar food between source and the customer 25 miles away. Yeah, that $5 tip will more than pay for gas, upkeep, insurance and oil changes on that riced-out K car you've been driving since The Pet Shop Boys were still popular.

Also, "...blahblah whining and such..." -- look, if I want unfair criticism of a job well-done, I'll ask my clients to pay up. That's primo Gonzo humor you're tut-tutting and you paid exactly nothing to enjoy it. Y'know who else was a cheap ingrate? HITLER! Why ya gotta by like Hitler, Moonsammy -- IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. I have my doubts on this topic, by the way.

Hey, what's Bob up to? I always enjoy a cheap laugh at the expense of the less fortunate.

(seriously dude -- I can hold 1:1 with a Clydesdale for an hour and have enough left in the tank to draw a standing ovation at Centurylink Field.)

I know why bob posted this, but it's funny. I'll give him a vote for that. Laughing at our leaders is something we are sorely lacking today.

I have a friend who is a Beavis-and-Butthead level pyro. He loves blowing things up, and he feels that little things like forewarning may spoil the surprise. He has many claims to fame, but this is among the most notorious:

In the mid-90s, at the place we've been camping for 30+ years, he poured an entire can of Red Dot Smokeless gunpowder down an anthill, then lit it. This was cool for all of about three seconds when it hissed and sputtered like a little volcano. It was far less cool when the gunpowder-packed anthill suddenly went off like Mt. St. Helens. Dirt and REALLY fucking pissed off biting ants blasted high in the air before raining down on the heads of the unwitting spectators, and promptly taking their revenge.

There's nothing quite like being showered with burned, angry biting ants to round out a weekend. Jeff thought this was funny as Hell, because he'd scampered out of range when he realized things were going to go very wrong -- things ALWAYS went very wrong -- and had taken shelter upwind. Later, as in 4:00am the next morning, he set off a stick of dynamite in a creek for an encore, also without warning. And after the booming echoes settled down, the only sound for miles around was this maniacal, hysterical laughter echoing in the impenetrable dark.

To this day, if he starts laughing, I RUN.

My condolences on your loss(es), Ant.

Right after Jackass came out, a couple of friends-of-a-friend decided to stage their own version of the movie -- with a hornet's nest. They found the thing hanging from a tree at the edge of a field and it was not remotely on the small size. Also, this was in late August and the queen had already flown away, leaving the drones to slowly starve to death. Thus, the enormous number of stripey-stripey sting-stings were already good 'n' pissed-off.

They were about to get moreso.

So chowderhead A and chowderhead B have a brilliant plan: they're going to shoot this enormous ball full of astoundingly-irate murderous insects with a shotgun while they're filming it. If you're hearing banjos playing and luke-warm cheap beers being cracked open, you're about in the right frame of mind.

Places, everybody!

The stage is set: on one end, at what's decided to be "minimum safe distance", are our erstwhile David Attenborough/Jonny Knoxville knock-offs. At a decidedly NOT minimum safe distance away is the arthropod version of the T'sar Bomba. All we're missing now is a Mossberg, enough idiocy to think this can end any way but badly, and a camera. With far too much alacrity for what's about to happen, all three are provided.

Aaaaaand, ACTION!

* BOOOM! *

At first, surprisingly, nothing happens. This period of stasis lasts roughly a picosecond. Then, unsurprisingly, things start to happen and they happen far more quickly than the Chuckle Brothers planned on. This plays out in three acts:

Act 1: "Hey, uh, why is the nest still there?"
Act 2: "Uh-oh..."
Act 3: "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"

Hubris takes many forms, and schadenfreude takes twice as many, but both combined were statistically zero compared to the number of hornets involved in this fiasco. Had the two Mensa escapees who irked said hornets thought this thing through -- stop laughing -- perhaps they would have arrived at the conclusion that 1. a shotgun slug is not the preferred load-out when dealing with a ball made out of wasp puke and 2. being the only two things visible within a 20 mile radius of the ball made out of wasp puke pretty much negates the mystery of who the hornets are going to sting the ever-loving fuck out of.

With their plans in ruins and the nest not, our heroes decide to quit the field. This is the first smart thing they've done since looking at that big ball of wasps and deciding it was redolent with untapped hilarity. The hornets are having none of this white flag nonsense, however, and they decide to quit screwing around and really inflict some pain. It's a quarter mile back to the car and the hornets are going to make them pay for every inch of it.

The final score:
Hornet losses: meh, they were all going to die in a few weeks anyway.
The chucklenuts: 23 stings, a dropped shotgun, and three minutes of footage that they took in the pre-YouTube era and thus is lost to time.

Moral:
Hornets are not toys.

It is MUCH more on point if you substitute "Biden" with "Conservative American Militarism."

To be fair, yes Biden pulled out way too hastily. He'll own it.

But it's always the GOP that starts getting American soldiers killed on foreign grounds and bleeding American people dry to feed the MIC, make an embarassment of itself abroad, dragging all its allies down along its military misadventures. And then it takes an Democrat POTUS to cut the lost -- at tremendous political cost (and courage to take the blowback) -- to free up the $$$ to rebuild America.

It's just a crying shame America can never win a war post WWII.

Concern about the Afghan people. What a laugh. Since when the Right ever cared about "People"? It's always money over people. The American Right doesn't even care about its own people, let alone a foreign people that the Right is extremely suspicious of (Any random Fox/OAN/Newsmax host: NO F***KING AFGHAN REFUGEES!!!! ALL THE AFHGAN THAT WORKED FOR US AS TRANSLATORS ARE TERROISTS, ALL THERE WOMEN & CHILDREN ARE COMING TO TAKE OVER AMERICA! BELIEVE YOU ME!!).

This is like The Boondocks (2005) treatment. Look like they came straight out of the comics, but the show got near zero laughs out of me. But I didn't hate though, it was essential viewing, still kind of is. I just wish the upcoming 2022 reboot will be better (i.e. more biting & relevant).

I watched a few by skipping ahead and it just didn't have the same feel as his original non animated cartoons. Seemed like a lot of fluff. Kept waiting for the laugh and then got bored. I totally love his single panel cartoons.

That last line is genius. Two days later and I'm still laughing...

FUCK these people.

Fuck them with a rake.

Fuck them. Fuck their "muh FWEEDUMS!" bullshit. Fuck their double-digit IQs and fuck anyone who encourages these cocksuckers to be the Typhoid Mary motherfuckers who need to be put on an island and neutron bombed until the carbon in their cells gives up and bails.

I've mentioned before that one of my clients is a major healthcare provider, the largest on west coast. The worthless fucking parasites who refuse to be vaccinated are going to jack your insurance rates into the stratosphere because they're being treated first in the ER (major profit center for hospitals) and then the ICU (where $10k a day is the low end). The best case scenario is that they get on with it and go have a talk with Hitler in Hell, but no -- these cunts have to hang on and take up a bed that won't be available for the guy who just had a massive coronary, take up doctor's and nurse's time while they cover their distance between living dumbfuck and dead dumbfuck at a snail's pace, and fuck us all by running up multi-million dollar bills that they can't pay, they won't pay, and that they'll dump on the rest of us when they're done gasping the oxygen that belongs to people who aren't idiots.

These goddamn parasites can't die fast enough. I laugh whenever I hear some moron bewailing the fact he didn't get the vaccine and now Death is check his watch outside the door. You want to exercise the "right" to not be vaccinated (which you don't legally have in the first place), fine: die at home, hopefully in agony, and let your family leave your corpse on the sidewalk as an abject lesson in why being a complete fucking idiot doesn't pay.

Fuck I hate these goddamn people.

Feelsbadmom but still made me laugh

Better title might be “baby spends all night tea bagging mom”.

When I read the title, I expected to see parents tricking the baby for laughs. Instead I saw why the Spartans decided infanticide is not a crime.

Dude, calm down! 😆

I just loved that it made everyone laugh and there was a lightheartedness to the situation. Maybe we could just enjoy this humorous moment without trying to make it political. The shit was just funny and not for any political reasons.

Yeah, you laugh, but this is pretty much a real thing. I didn't know you're not supposed to make eye contact with fellow riders on the Tube. Being the happy American sort, I did exactly that, including a smile and a nod to the poor bastard who looked up at exactly the wrong moment. The look of disgust and British disapproval on his face would done a New Yorker proud.

I've never wished I had a fart in the chamber so bad in my entire life.