No matter....once I drink the potion in the purple jade badger, my kung fu will be far superior!

Start at 1:24:04....it's Kung Fu Hulk!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpHDptpYfmc

Summary-https://ninjasallthewaydown.wordpress.com/2015/10/17/jade-dagger-ninja-1982/

As a fan of ol' kung fu flicks, I approve!

Your video, Kung Fu Tea, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

What's up with this music?!

I am a philosopher, I like to provoke,
we live in perverted times,
so let me tell you a perverted joke!

A famous, dirty, horrible joke,
taking place in 15th century Russia.
A farmer and his wife walk along a dusty country road.
A Mongol warrior on a horse stops and says
"I'm gonna rape your wife and you should hold my testicles,
while I rape your wife, so that they will not get dusty."
When he raped his wife, the Mongol warrior went away,
the farmer started to laugh and jump with joy, his wife said
"Hey, how can you be happy?! I was just brutally raped!
And he says: "But I got him. His balls are full of dust."

Well, in reality we only dirty with dust the balls of those in power.
And now comes the dirty conclusion - the point is to cut them off!

Now let me warn you - this isn't Macarena, not Chicken dance,
not Aserejé, not Gangnam style and so on and so on.

We stand no chance, there's no time for romance,
it's time to dance The Perverted Dance™!

Cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
the balls of those in power!
We need to cut the balls
and our faces won't be sour!
Just cut the balls,
make them become Niagara falls.

Cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
the balls of those in power!
We need to cut the balls,
we can train with cauliflower!
Just cut the balls,
make them become Niagara falls.

Oh, my god, why am i doing this?! Singing, dancing?!
I feel like that disgusting guy from Canada, Justin Bieber...

So, the problem with capitalism is that it's in the crisis from its very beginning.
From somewhere, I would say, late 18th century, there are prophets who claim capitalism is nearing its end.
It's like that stupid bird Fenix, the more you, you know, it returns.
I got hungry, let's grab something to eat!
What?! No meat?! Only for vegetarians ?!
Degenerates, degenerates, they'll all soon turn into monkeys.

I dont say let's do nothing,
I say sometimes doing nothing is the most violent thing to do.
So cut the balls, just cut the balls!
And racism is also a problem,
so be like Kung Fu Panda - be white, black, asian
and cut the balls, just cut the balls!
They call me The Borat of Philosophy,
The Marx Brother and The Elvis of cultural theory.
Cut the crap and cut the balls, just cut the balls!

Hey, I am Slavoj Žižek!
No, I am Slavoj Žižek!
No, I am Slavoj Žižek,
Fuck that, whatever, let's all be Slavoj Žižek!

Grab and pull the imaginary balls from the sky,
cut through the air and say bye, bye, bye.
Let's join together, let's fall in trance,
let's dance The Perverted Dance™!

Cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
the balls of those in power!
We need to cut the balls.
and then take the bloody shower!
Just cut the balls,
make them become Niagara falls!

Cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
the balls of those in power!
We need to cut the balls,
let them face the final hour!
just cut the balls,
make them become Niagara falls!

Cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls,
the balls of those in power!
We need to cut the balls,
we need to cut the balls!
Just cut the balls,
make them become Niagara falls!

This stupid repetative mechanic music!
Stop it!

Thank you, thank you very much!

The problem is maybe not the big act "Cut the balls",
but you make small changes and all of a sudden, balls are no longer there.
Those in power look down and say "Oh, where are my balls?"
and suddenly their voices get higher and so on and so on and so on.
I stand by my joke. The structure of the joke is that this so called progressive intellectual,
in order to score his small narcissistic point, oh, I dusted the balls,
totally ignores the suffering there and that's the whole point of the joke.
So cut the balls, we need to cut the balls!

Go China, go China go! Go China, go China go! Wait, no, ninjas are from Japan -- are there ninjas in China? Hmmm...

No, I think those are called assassins. But Europe has assassins... what are Chinese ninjas called? Now I'm confused. But that's okay -- the experts at Yahoo Answers to the rescue:

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100203020944AA8ZKHv

"Ninjas are Japanese, In China there're kung fu masters."

Life is a road of suffering. Most things worth doing require suffering and sacrifice. If you don't learn how to overcome hardship, it's likely to overcome you.

His kung fu will be strong.....yours will not. He'll make your eagles claw look like a chicken!

The voiceover reminded me of Kung Fury.

I don't know what that means.

Oh yeah, I'm well aware that defending yourself can easily turn into a scene from a 70's kung fu movie with multiple attackers going after you for defending yourself...no matter how out of control the female attacker may be. There are many dumb, sexist douchebags out there just itching for a fight. My point is, there's absolutely no legitimate reason you can't defend yourself against a woman who's attacking you physically....idiot douchebags don't count as 'legitimate reasons' to me, but I don't disagree they're a consideration. EDIT: That said...I don't think black Rick Astley there would give me much pause.

My brother knows even better than I, he was attacked by a random angry drunk girl on the street in Austin, she threw her drink on him and sucker punched him in the face out of nowhere, over nothing (according to him), he slapped her, and woke up 5 minutes later face down on the sidewalk with a missing tooth and a broken motorcycle helmet, some 'bro' (read 'brah') sucker punched him in the back of the head and beat him with his own helmet, then probably went home to rape the drunk girl.

That said...if a woman wants to act like her sex isn't an issue and start a physical confrontation with someone much larger, they deserve the debilitating beat down they get and their sex and/or size should not be an issue. That's the logical outcome of believing in equality of the sexes in the eyes of the law.

I don't understand.
When you say you never cared for "these films", what do you mean? You could not be referring to just the two crouching tiger hidden dragon films, because you haven't seen the second one, it's not out yet. Are you referring to Chinese films made for American audiences in general, or something else?
If you mean Crouching Tiger specifically, I'll disagree with that opinion. I thought Crouching Tiger #1 was great, and I also quite enjoyed House of Flying Daggers, which was a bit similar to me.

That said, my first choice of Chinese fantasy action films (that I've seen) would be Holy Weapon aka Hopy Weapon aka Holy Shit! Now that was some good insanity Kung Fu, and included a flying all virgin Kung Fu version of 'crippletron' (a bit like Voltron, but instead of a giant robot made of spaceships or other smaller robots, it's a giant person made out of regular people) and a human Cuisinart named Super Sword. Now THAT was some insane awesomeness.

well it appears @00Scud00 's kung fu is stronger than mine!

*related=http://videosift.com/video/Everything-Wrong-With-Kung-Fu-Panda-In-15-Minutes-Or-Less

Everything Wrong With Kung Fu Panda 2 In 15 Minutes Or Less has been added as a related post - related requested by ant on that post.

Everything Wrong With Kung Fu Panda In 15 Minutes Or Less has been added as a related post - related requested by ant.

Exactly, in the same way that Pandarans from Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne (2003) are a clone of Kung Fu Panda (2008). I don't know how Blizzard so consistently rips off the future.