Make me laugh, get Torchlight 2

Hey guys, I thought I'd give something back to this great community.

Post your funniest joke in the comments. Whoever makes me laugh the hardest (warning: highly subjective) gets Torchlight 2 (or any other equally priced game) gifted via Steam.

One joke per person and I guess this will run either a week or until there are at least 10 jokes, whichever takes longer.

probie says...

A drunk walks into an upscale pub and, after a while, leans up against the bar.
"A snifter of Louis XIII," he slurs and drops three $100 bills on the bar.
The bartender, taken aback for a moment, looks the disheveled man up and down.
"Big spender!" the bartender says, pouring his drink.
"Life is good," the drunk replies, and promptly tosses back the cognac.
The bartender takes a second look at the man; his hair is a mess and his suit hasn't seen a dry cleaner in a while, and he swears the man smells faintly of urine. Hardly someone who can afford such a fine cognac.
"Inheritance?" the bartender presses.
The man looks up.
"No, no...I bet people. And I always win," the drunk smirks.
"What do you mean always?" the bartender asks.
The drunk takes a moment and looks around the bar.
"Here. You see that glass over there?" He points to a an empty mug of beer at the end of the bar, 20 feet away. "I'll bet you $100 I can piss in it from here."
Impossible! the bartender thinks. "You're on," the bartender says, shaking the drunk's hand (and quickly wiping it off on his apron).
Unsteadily, the drunk climbs up on top of the bar, pulls his dick out and begins peeing everywhere. He stumbles and steps in his own piss, causing him to slip and he plummets off the bar. The bartender looks over the railing and sees the man lying flat on his back, hands flailing, as his piss arcs up into the air and hits him directly in the face. The bartender erupts with laughter at the comical sight, slapping his hand on the bar in triumph.
Suddenly, across the room, a man shouts in anger and rushes the bar. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he screams.
Surprised, the bartender says "What?! What?"
The angry man points down at the drunk and yells, "He just bet me a thousand dollars that he could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it!"

Fusionaut says...

A man is lying on his deathbed in his home. Just before he croaks he smells the chocolate cookies his wife is baking in the kitchen. "That's the most wonderful smell in the world! I MUST go eat one before I die!" So he crawls down the stairs and through the house to the kitchen and reaches for a cookie when his wife suddenly hits his hand with a wooden spoon and says "THOSE are for the funeral!"

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