Crossing any body of water is always a hassle. But, as a cynical, jaded, 21st century consumer, the last thing you want is a boat. What with their ability to float, ease of use and general reliability, boats are just so passe.


No, what you really want is a vehicle that lets you frantically hump a metal pole while slowly sinking into the water. And you're in luck, because we've got just the product for you.


The epic marriage of form and function (sarcasm!) in that video is the AquaSkipper. It sounds like a fancy pool-cleaning device. It looks like a gorilla took the wheels off a bicycle and then had rough sex with the frame. It requires a perfectly flat lake with no waves whatsoever. And also there is no way to make it work. Why don't you already have one of these?


See, the thing about the AquaSkipper is that for a vast majority of the time you spend riding it, you'll jump off of a pier and instantly start sinking. If you can get physics to look the other way for a couple seconds, you might be able to dry-hump your way across the water for a bit. But eventually you're going to miss your rhythm, or lean too far forward, or not push hard enough, and suddenly gravity will realize that you're trying to travel across a lake on a goddamn metal rod and then things will become extremely wet. It seems like the only successful ride that guy in the video had was when he circled around and came back to the pier. And if you want to do that, why couldn't you just stay on the damn pier to begin with?


Cracked.com: http://www.cracked.com/article/18359_6-transportation-innovations-more-baffling-than-segway_p2