Outside of the couple of jokes I'm about to tell, I haven't heard any good jokes in a while. Please share some here. Whoever posts the funniest joke, i.e., the one that gets the most votes, will get one promote from me. And who knows, maybe you'll get an applauded comment out of it too. My criteria for upvoting is simple:

1. It has to make me laugh, and
2. It has to be new to me. Even if it's a 90-year old vaudeville joke, if I haven't heard it before and it makes me laugh, you get my upvote.

You all can decide your own upvoting criteria, of course.

I hope I'm not opening a can of worms with this. I don't care if the jokes are dirty. Usually those are the best ones. But please, if you have a joke that you wouldn't tell at a black night club, salsa concert, gay pride parade, or anywhere in Israel, then don't tell it here. You catch my drift.

Okay, now with the jokes. Snoozedoctor told me this first one:

Man's wife is in a coma in the ICU. Nothing has worked for her. The doc takes the husband aside and says, "we've tried everything. Nothing has worked. However, sometimes if you perform oral sex on them, they snap out of it. Are you willing to try it?"
The husband says, "of course, if you think it will help." So, he walks in and they draw the curtains to give them privacy. A minute or two later the EKG flat-lines. She codes and dies. The doctor says "I don't understand, what happened."
The guys says, "Well I'm no doctor, but I think she choked to death."

This next one Kuga told me:

What starts with a C, ends with a T, and emits a thin whitish fluid?


...a coconut.

Okay, now make with the funny.