Oh dear God why have you put these retards on the earth? Is it to test my faith? Really?!?

I'm not familiar with that particular Bible story. Is there a version of the Bible I haven't heard of that talks about teachers debating creation with their students?

She's like the Ellen Feiss of the creationists!
Oh, I love the Internet.

I love the "when the world could end" timeline.

Wait for it....

Promoting this video back to the front page; last published Sunday, April 5th, 2009 12:03pm PDT - promote requested by dystopianfuturetoday.

5 minutes, a week, a year, a month, or even right now.
Are those really my only options?

I was a crazy Christian like this girl when I was a teenager, but I don't recall asking anyone to taste my Jesus.

*eia

Adding video to channels (Eia) - requested by MrFisk.

So this creepy looking guy in a large overcoat came out of a desk and asked this girl "Suck mah cock!" and she says "No, that's wrong!". He then pulls out a lollipop, licks it like a perv and asks "Hey girlie, is this lolli bitter, or sweet?". She says "I dunno Mr., I never tried it" to which he replies "NEITHER HAVE YOU TASTED MY PENIS!!!!".

You see, either you're cock-sucker, or a sinner. There's no in between. Either you worship the cock, or your own false God. Think about that, THINK!

She really should consider shooting more than one take in the future. I don't believe this would be the best one.

A dangerous dualism.

The cartoon with the NEITHER HAVE YOU TASTED MY JESUS made me lol.

If I ask her to taste my Jesus isn't that considered statutory rape?

Between the speech habits that just ring of stupidity and the fact that she's not that attractive, would you really even want to?

I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing jesus...I wanna feel his salvation all over my face...

GTFO

Basic moral of the story: You're either with us, or against us. Because we're not smart enough to recognize that there could be a third, or even fourth option...

Nice.

Man, I'm not sure it's worth it to make fun of this chick as some sort of rant against Christianity. Admittedly the story is ridiculous, but it's sort of like getting some 15 year old 'atheist' and having him tell one story about why he doesn't believe in god (One day I prayed for, like, 20 whole minutes for God to let Cindy Perkins go out with me, and she said no, so like, now I KNOW there's no God...) and have christian theologian and scholars rip the kid a new one and say how obvious that atheists are all horny teenagers who are just rebelling against their moms.


Also, run on sentences.

I think I have this one down, from that college class I was at. If I remember correctly she was a Ignarus Secuutus Sarcalogos Non Morbus. Typical response from that species.

Typically, this type has a regularity of mistaking marshmallow spread, mayonnaise, light drizzle sugar frosting/glaze, etc... . Of course, this doesn't develop until the prime mating age of 35-50 years of age. They typically will breed with the specie Popularis Garishulus Ignoramus Repeaticus, also well known as misidentifying anything else as a supernatural event, once they leave their maturing colonies from ages 13-21.

This was laugh out loud funny.

Take my Jesus in thine mouth and taste it. Taste my salty disciples too.

Anyone else thinking of Bo Burnham and "I'm gay for Jesus"?

I believe this is an excellent example of circular logic. Sin and Jesus are mutually exclusive, but both entities only exist within the framework of Jesus.

The great part is that you can't be a sinner if you don't believe in Magical Sky Man....so rest easy my little heathens.

Honestly, what ever happened to worshiping Thor? Get drunk, honour your parents, and have the makeouts with warrior women? Time to bring back the Church of Thor!

Now there's a future Republican vice-presidential candidate if I've ever seen one.

Anyone else wondering why a devout christian would be in an evolutionary science class?

Also, science can probably deduce if the apple was sweet or not without even tasting it.
The story seems to take place in North America, because, that`s where all the bible stuff is relevant nowadays.

The most common apples sold around North America are: Granny Smith, Empire, Mac`s, and Fuji.

All of the above except granny smith are sweet, and all the apples can be told apart based on size and colour.

In my opinion, the story isn`t very relevant, science can prove if the apple was bitter or sweet.

i haven't i have not tasted this apple you have eaten so i do not know whether you whether it is bitter or sweet or not i haven't tasted it.

>> ^E_Nygma:
i haven't i have not tasted this apple you have eaten so i do not know whether you whether it is bitter or sweet or not i haven't tasted it.


Meth is a helluva drug?

Somebody should take away her webcam. She just isn't safe on the dirty interwebtubes.

MAGIC IS REAL!

*terrible
serious ignorance.

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Green Apples = Sour
Red Apples = Sweet
Jesus = Bitter

>> ^kceaton1:
I think I have this one down, from that college class I was at. If I remember correctly she was a Ignarus Secuutus Sarcalogos Non Morbus. Typical response from that species.
This type has a regularity of singing really bad music so consider yourself warned.



I suspect you meant ignara secuuta sarcalogou inmortui.

* cough *

* retreats to his dusty piles of books *

>> ^HadouKen24:
>> ^kceaton1:
I think I have this one down, from that college class I was at. If I remember correctly she was a Ignarus Secuutus Sarcalogos Non Morbus. Typical response from that species.
This type has a regularity of singing really bad music so consider yourself warned.


I suspect you meant ignara secuuta sarcalogou inmortui.
cough
retreats to his dusty piles of books


Naw, I'm just being sarcastic.

Man one thing you can really see from the video is that if you taste jesus you can also apparently use it as a spf 1000 suntan lotion.

*promote, so we can all taste her Jesus.

Promoting this video back to the front page; last published Sunday, April 5th, 2009 12:03pm PDT - promote requested by thinker247.

Upvote for the drawing and music for "Neither have you tasted my Jesus". lmao

*quality

Boosting this quality contribution up in the Hot Listing - declared quality by dystopianfuturetoday.

AGAIN. Inappropriate use of the * terrible tag is rampant. I'm removing eia too, although that could be debatable. *religion *wtf *fear *parody *comedy

Adding video to channels (Wtf) - requested by Issykitty.

Shooot. *nochannel *religion *wtf *fear *parody *comedy

This video has been removed from all channels (Eia, Wtf, Religion, Parody, Terrible, Comedy, Fear) due to invalid channel assignment - nochannel invoked by Issykitty. Please review the FAQ to learn about appropriate channel assignments.

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Sorry about the comment clutter. *fail

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ahhhhhhhhahahahhaha, so awesome that I found this.

Anyone else get really creeped out by the face she made at 3:00?

Nothing like a fresh salty jesus in the mouth though.

They say you can tell what Jesus ate the night before by the way he tastes.

I want to put * cooking

i'd really like to see a room full of religious people of all kinds. like that girl. "it's either MY god or a FALSE god". "no MY god is THE god". "no MINE is the only one!". "Your's the false one" "noooo your's" etc. pp. This little picture alone debunks the basic idea of religion for me.

I like her timeline.. It goes back millions of years... so which is it? millions or thousands? These religious ppl can't seem to make up their minds. Also thanks for the FEAR-mongering. Choose NOW!!! or burn in hell for eternity. Gimme a break.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag.(show it anyway)

JonBenét Ramsey is all grown up.

Id totally worship that false god!

*promote

Promoting this video back to the front page; last published Tuesday, September 29th, 2009 10:43pm PDT - promote requested by dystopianfuturetoday.

If an atheist told a story just as bad, with a punch line just as wrong, I'd laugh my ass off at that one too.

"....AND THE EVOLUTIONIST SAID "NEITHER HAVE YOU TASTED MY RHESUS"..... Think about it. THINK. A. BOUT. IT.!"

>> ^Lolthien:

Man, I'm not sure it's worth it to make fun of this chick as some sort of rant against Christianity. Admittedly the story is ridiculous, but it's sort of like getting some 15 year old 'atheist' and having him tell one story about why he doesn't believe in god (One day I prayed for, like, 20 whole minutes for God to let Cindy Perkins go out with me, and she said no, so like, now I KNOW there's no God...) and have christian theologian and scholars rip the kid a new one and say how obvious that atheists are all horny teenagers who are just rebelling against their moms.

Also, run on sentences.

*cooking

Adding video to channels (Cooking) - requested by dystopianfuturetoday.

*nochannel *wtf *religion *parody *comedy *fail

This video has been removed from all channels (Wtf, Religion, Parody, Cooking, Comedy, Fear, Fail) due to invalid channel assignment - nochannel invoked by xxovercastxx. Please review the FAQ to learn about appropriate channel assignments.

Adding video to channels (Comedy, Fail, Parody, Religion, Wtf) - requested by xxovercastxx.

Stop it with the *cooking already. You'll give me a hernia if siftbot has to stamp it down again.

BTW, I like invoking @siftbot. Too bad there isn't a tad more coding there too abuse.

Invocations (cooking) cannot be called by kceaton1 because kceaton1 is not privileged - sorry.