Go to Ostia Antica, the ancient (i.e. gladiator-era) port of Rome. It lay buried in accumulated silt for centuries but has relatively recently been excavated and is a beautiful and wonderful site to visit. If you go you'll see stone-paved streets that have never had a car drive on them, only gladiator-era horse-drawn wagons, and they have parallel ruts for the wheels of those wagons and aren't worn in the middle.

Three strings and a triangular body? More likely a balalaika than a guitar. Funny whatever it is.

Not Russian. Not sure what language it is, maybe Polish, but definitely not Russian.

I know maybe word hasn't gotten out yet because it only happened 22 YEARS AGO but UKRAINE IS NO LONGER PART OF RUSSIA.

Not Russia. The name of the show, visible in the opening, is "Україна має талант". That's Ukrainian for "Ukraine Has Talent".

Big deal. I'm not eating any Brussels sprouts until everyone is required by law to get an abortion.

Someone needs to take it out back behind the barn and shoot it.

sk8er bois savin' lives. That's just what they do.

All the birds heard in the background are from eastern North America, none of which occur in Russia.

"Reporting live for NBC Action News, I'm rapist doppelganger Larry C-word".

I'm totally going to get one of these! First place I'm going to fly to? The Apple store, to pick up an iPad!

Clapton's not in this one either. The two guitarists are Chris Dreja on rhythm on the left, Jeff Beck on lead on the right, with Jimmy Page between them on bass. Clapton had left the Yardbirds at least a couple of years before this video was recorded.

For some odd and terrible reason as soon as I saw the title I read it as a demented verse from that Bon Jovi song:

Tasered in the neck
While hands on hood
Darling
You give love a bad name

Now that tune is stuck in my head. And now it's probably in yours too.

My sincere apologies.

We did this as kids: catch flies in a bottle trap, put them in the fridge to slow them down, crazy glue a long narrow strip of single ply toilet paper to them, then let them warm up and fly around with their "banners". Often the strip would be too heavy and the fly would buzz along the ground so you'd have to snip off enough of the paper until the fly could become airborne.

I was extremely sensitive as a kid about all sorts of things and this was certainly at least unkind to the flies but for some reason it didn't bother me.

There's no "I" in "team". There is, however, a "U" in "masturbation".