robbersdog49 said:

Ok, I'll play.

I have two boys, 19 months and three years old. I'm in my late thirties, wife in mid thirties. We waited until we were in a decent position financially before having kids. I saw my brother bring up my nephew who is now six so I knew what babies are like and toddlers are like before we had kids ourselves. I took a year and a half off to be a stay at home dad for our first child.

But there's this massive taboo in the UK, and I'm going to guess in America too. Having kids is good, and you're not allowed to say otherwise. I knew that there would be sleepless nights, that on occasion I'd be covered in vomit, or poo, or both. I knew that kids could be annoying.

But I didn't really understand what all that meant. To hear anyone talk about having kids it makes it seem like these things are just background noise for all the wonderful, giggly happy times.

No one told me how relentless it would be. While you can know that you'll be tired if you have a kid that wakes at night you don't really understand it until you haven't had a full night's sleep for three years. Not a single one.

Yes, somehow I should have fully understood everything before actually experiencing it. And of course I shouldn't say anything bad about it, it's all good.

But that's bullshit.

Having kids can be amazing, and getting to know my children's personalities as they've grown has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. If I had my time again I would do it again.

But seeing some sanctimonious arse bitching about other people's experiences, which could be very different to their own, just makes my skin crawl. You're saying that because you made a decision you're not ever allowed to moan about it? Even if your whole life leading up to it was full of misleading misinformation? Even if the experience you chose turned out to not be typical through no fault of your own?

Pretty much any path a person takes in life can be framed as a result of a decision somewhere along the line. It's like saying that no one can complain about anything, anytime.

Despite what you say having kids is different to what just about anyone expects. If it wasn't for you then well done, you're in the tiny minority. You probably deserve some kind of prize for being so amazing. Here, I've got a little cup around here somewhere. Wait, I'll find it. Here it is. It's engraved. It reads 'Fuck you, you sanctimonious prick'.

Life is full of ups and downs. For me having kids has made the highs higher and the lows lower. I've never felt as amazing as I have when my kids do something brilliant. But I've never felt as down as I did about three months into my second child who was very colicky and just cried almost constantly and at night slept for an hour or so then was awake and screaming for an hour then slept and so on. For three months solid.

No one told me about that. No one made it clear that this was to be expected. My first was a reasonable, average baby. He had his moments but we thought we really understood what we were getting into.

But there's the rub. All kids are different. Even two boys, close in age to the same parents are like chalk ad cheese. To think you understand someone else's situation enough to bitch about them like you have is just stupid. So your child is good and you've enjoyed being a dad? Good for you. You were lucky. Others aren't so lucky and arses like you bitching about them doesn't help. Stop patting yourself on the back and realise that a large part of you having a good experience is nothing more than luck.

So, there you go. I'm sure I fit into your bad parent category. But at least I don't belittle the experiences of others and don't assume that I fully understand their experience.

Yes, some parents can be annoying, but the vast majority who are moaning are genuinely stressed and down. A little empathy can go a long way. Or you could just be an arse hole and bitch about them.