If you join in the Roast (comments, zingers, put-downs, insults, etc.), you understand the following:

• Your name goes into the roast pool for future roasts

• The roastee (in this case, NeuralNoise) is allowed return fire at the end of the proceedings

Now back to my own research, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . .

*sticky

THE JESTER

*scurries away*

dotdude cannot sticky this post because dotdude does not have enough Power Points. (You can always purchase more Power Points.)

HAha! Perfect ~ I can't do it either, I think ~ *sticky

Invocations (sticky) cannot be called by laura because laura is not privileged - sorry.

I got your back

Stickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by eric3579.

When I first heard that we were making fun of a Brazilian, I thought we were going to point and laugh at dag's crotch. Unfortunately, we're just roasting some nobody from Sector 7G. Or should I say Xavier's School for Mutants?

His favorite memory is "snowboarding or the birth of my daughter." Is it really that hard to decide between the two? I'd love to see you on a game show, deciding between the million dollars or a mentally-retarded cat that urinates on itself and howls at the ceiling.

God, I can tell this roast is going to be drier than peggedbea's vagina.

Speaking of pussies, where is blankfist in all of this? Probably off making another shitty movie with Uwe Boll and Adam Sandler. He's gone Hollywood (a.k.a. on his knees under Steven Spielberg's desk).

But enough about the child rapist. I guess I should get back to Wolverine's flamboyantly gay cousin.

Let's talk about your obsession with Sifty. It's unhealthy, and we all know you're just trying to get a ruby or diamond. God, girls will do anything for jewelry.

Enough of this shit. I've mocked enough people, and I'm tired of thinking of insults for someone who doesn't have a completely fucked up life. So until gwiz is roasted, I'm out of here.

*quality now that I'm here.

Awarding laura with one star point for this contribution to VideoSift - declared quality by thinker247.

I just came in to take a dump on this pathetic roast. GRUNT.

There. That's my input.

NeuralNoise...that rings a bell...I think I dated his sister.

Don't mind Blankie. Sure as shooting, fame and stardom has gone to his head. At least we can say with certainty that something is finally in his head, other than pornographic images of Ron Paul lying naked, splayed and willing on his davenport.

NeuralNoise, Brazilian? I knew there was something I didn't like about the guy.

Hey Aqui! Aqui! Get back to cleaning that motel room, pronto!

Too bad we are all here to roast neuralnoise... does anyone even know who this guy is?

Not that I dislike the guy; I mean how could I? He has a picture of himself holding his beautiful daughter to disguise the fact that he is an alcoholic burn-out. I do, however, disagree that his favorite sift of his was a Bukowski reading.(also a connoisseur of the red wine....) I'm pretty sure it's this one titled, "Cat Orgy". I can't believe this trash didn't get sifted with all you horny assholes roaming around here. If he really wants to get gold he just needs to start sifting tittie massage videos like Bea.

So what if he names his cats after a communist leader and a psychoanalyst? I'm not going to assume that he is a pompus ass.
I am saying though it would be easy to draw your own conclusions.

"Are you a lover or a fighter?
I´m a lover but my women like to fight. me."

So you can also draw the conclusion that he is a pussy. Or really into BDSM.

When I first saw the name NeuralNoise, I was intrigued. What could this cryptic username mean? Was it referring to how the seemingly chaotic maelstrom of neurons firing in all directions gives rise to what we call thought? Or was it perhaps a commentary on the effects of today's information overflow on our psyche?

Alas, upon further inquiry we now find that the username is nothing more than a fratboy's flaunting of his favourite band and/or novel. You know the type; the one who is the only person in the world who Truly Understands these lyrical geniuses, and knows in his heart that everyone else are lesser human beings for not adoring his idols as much as he does. He feels that His Band is under-appreciated by the general public, but he secretly harbors a fear that they will someday actually become popular, since this would render him obsolete. After all, his mindless adulation is his only substitute for a lack of personality. Yeah, NeuralNoise is that guy. No wonder rasch "Dylan" 187 likes him.

This is symptomatic for the rest of NeuralNoise's sorry character. Oh, great, you managed to inseminate some woman. Now this is suddenly all your existence revolves around. You even have the audacity to blog about it. Well, congratulations. You have taken the essence of this narcissistic medium and turned it into a dark and frightening shadow of itself. Exploiting your daughter to feed your exaggerated sense of self-importance; I'm disgusted. Good luck living through your children for the rest of your life.

The shallow nature of NeuralNoise is also evident in his answers:


What is your favorite video on videosift?
Can´t remember anymore. But living in Brazil, I blame videosift on my addiction to Maher, Colbert and Stewart bits
Favorite comment on videosift?
confess you are asking these questions only to make fun of my alzheimer-ridden brain


Yeah right, blame your memory. Can it be so hard to look through the top-rated comments on the site and pick one of them? I rather think you only care about the videos and comments you yourself have posted, and your faux modesty prevents you from mentioning them. VideoSift is simply your arena for assertiveness. Let's hope this roast can rectify some of that.

Who?

JÁ CHEGAMOS AOS 5 MIL FÃS DO FANTASPORTO...A NOVA META SÃO OS 10 MIL. CONVIDEM OS VOSSOS AMIGOS A SEREM FÃS DO FANTASPORTO E APOIEM A CAUSA FANTASPORTO 30 ANOS.VAMOS FAZER DOS 30 ANOS DO FANTAS A GRANDE FESTA DA CULTURA EM PORTUGAL. OBRIGADO A TODOS

^copying and pasting a Portuguese facebook announcement doesn't count there, blanky... but you probably can't do better than that.

My, but the standards for picking a roastee have certainly dropped. Choggie was our first recipient of this dubious honour, thanks to his huge contributions to the quality of Videosift, and his ongoing contributions to the incomprehinsibility of the English language via New Orleans redneck gibberish.

Now you get the prize just for showing up. Roasting this nerd, who NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF is kind of like giving some random black guy the Nobel Peace Prize just for not being George W Bush.

I mean seriously, this guy's biggest contribution is the great video "Removed due to copyright notification from Comedy Central". I watched that dog for like 10 minutes and here's a newsflash for ya'... NOTHING HAPPENS!!!

I guess it was kind of an art piece or something.

NeuralNoise? He is dumb. He has said so himself: "Oh, I Know. because I´m dumb."

He's so dumb he can't even use capitalized letters when starting a sentence, as is evident in the aforementioned quote. It's no wonder his idea of making a good first impression is to "be quiet for as long as I can" (pay heed to the lack of punctuation in that quote).

NeuralNoise also seems to be one of these creeps who like furry sex. Just look at the thumbnail for his favourite PQ'd sift: http://www.videosift.com/video/It-never-stops-in-the-first-lick

something about this guys chops makes me hate him.
beard, no beard, beard, no beard.
make up your mind you fashionable fucking woman.

also, youre so boring, my sagging smelling old lady vagina and titties hijacked your roast before it even got started.
see comments above as proof.

even blankfist was taking that dump on my titties.

Perhaps we should rename these events WHINES?!?


And now for an old sift of the Governator in Rio:

http://www.videosift.com/video/The-Governator-Does-Rio-NSFW

i don't know you, but from what I've read you're probably gayer than gwiz and smell of peggedbea's vagina. I also hear you're into amputee fetish, which would make blankfist your bestest of pals for having his dick removed and donated to siftbot during dag's last tax collecting campaign

You have 5 months to live and a shitty doctor.

^gee, that was impressively creative, choggie. NOT!

...I just made some chicken & green chile enchilada casserole, anybody want some?

Well WTF Laura, this cats' hard to roast...His shit simply does not stink! Not yer average crotch-scratching, crips-eating, no girl havin' wanker....Poor fucker just hadda baby and he's in Brazil surrounded by crotch-flossed bathing beauties that actually HAVE asses!!!...give him a break..Besides, like BF said, this roast is as stiff as a whorehouse fulla cadavers!

Wonder if his cock is as hard as the Wolverine's?
Hope yer kid doesn't grow up with hairy palms, mate.

If idda BEEN here and not held hostage by Captain Assburger and his life-free schlep brigade, ,maaaaaybe Idda GAINED momentum! Oh yeah, here's to the dysfunctional pre-mees on the Sift who hold manners and rules in higher regards than art, expression, and the occasional, gratuitous, "FUCK YOU!".....Fuck You Very Much!


hehhehe....that felt good. That goes double for anyone who has ever told me to "Have a Nice Day."...fucking pussies.

^well put~ but n.e.hoo I was just yankin' your chain to get you to post that^ muahahahahahahaha

"How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I only remember this last one, the underwater force-field. I stoped changing avatars after someone complained they only remebered "faces" but not names. Seemed fair."

Yes, as many wimpo's I have encountered, doing whatever they think is desired by someone outside themselves. Well, I am complaining that you DON'T change Avatars. What NOW ? !!!

I would really like to know if you had guidance and instruction in applying the spermatazoa that you utilized to avoid a complaint from the female. Obviously must have, to create such a beautiful infant!!!

So much for a warm and fuzzy roast. OK, we still have fuzzy.

If NeuralNoise’s friends think he looks like Woolverine, perhaps they think his brother looks like Chewy.

NeuralNoise seem to be quite friendly with future son-in-law, siftbot. ‘Guess putting some coins in ole sifty would make a good shaker while practicing the samba dance.

Since he did bring up the subject of amputees, it makes one wonder if making them amputees is part of the fetish? The Wolverine claw bit provokes my question.

Two of his five listed cherished possessions are hair and limbs. I would have thought some other body possessions would come before hair. Some aging guys around here might be a tad jealous of his coif.

Finally we have a roastee who actually lives in a country that includes the Amazon River, yet his list of fears does not include the Candiru. (See Roasts IX and X)

I want to roast neuralnoise so so bad...but, god I just can't bring myself to do it. First I thought, hey, siftbot has more character, than this no-name nobody. After reading his roast prep, though I realized I was wrong. He comes off as one of those men of latin descent that are both very passionate, but also in touch with their feminine side. Enough so, that he can cry openly. Maybe like a character from "Y Tu Mama Tambien." I think roasting him would bring him to cry and cry. And then to relieve his anguish, he'll play some Flamenco on the guitar or maybe sip on some sangria in the courtyard of his Spanish style villa. Maybe he'll even do a couple lines of cocaine he picked up at the local farmer's market.

Fact of the matter is, his life is probably 20 times better than any of you jizz-tarts...

I caught myself having a favorable opinion of NeuralNoise--until I learned about him.
Let's see, where to start?
So: "What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
Way more underwear then shoes. I wonder what it means."
We all realize that you're from Brazil (and that the Portuguese lost everything aside from Brazil's national language), but you should ? when you wonder.
And speaking of Portuguese:
"Do you feel you are the same in real life and on videosift?
I learned people are different when speaking a different language, so I´m different in portuguese. Because of that, in a way, yes."
23 fucking word when only one, yes, would do.
Nice picture, NeuralNoise. Do you remember those douche bags from high school that knocked up your best friend, or that girl-you-had-the-hots-for, and he then abandoned them only to resurface on Facebook years later with a pic of them and their kid, expressing how that moment of birth was far more superior to the moment of conception, for the sole purpose of luring single moms to their own mother's basement, or as a method default on child support payments? Yeah, that's you.
And while we're at it, why is hair one of your favorite things? Bemtham spoke highly of pleasure in terms of duration--and that is clearly something your hairline lacks. I think the polar caps are residing more slowly than that wannabe mop of yours. However, your Wolverine chops are gonna outsell any New Mutants comic book, in a few hundred years.
Such a tender flower of the sift is deserving of a dis,
in haiku:
Sarcasm aplenty you
Appreciate the wonder of
A sift with gloves on

When NeuralNoise said he was a snowboarder, he was actually talking about this.

ok, I have to wait until the end of the proceedings to "return fire", as it seems to be called, but I wonder, when will such proceedings start? this certainly can´t be it. "mumbling grandmothers with a keyboard and poor control of bodily functions" is a nice opening act, thanks Laura. Now, if you may, please start the god damn roast already.

well, looks like you'll either have to keep wishing or work w/ what you've got, neural...I'd say go ahead and let loose your fury on the opening act... lol

wow, I ACTUALLY have that Wolverine at the BBQ card!

We haven't even started the roast of ObsidianFire yet, so you can hold your cavalos, Senhor.
>> ^NeuralNoise:
ok, I have to wait until the end of the proceedings to "return fire", as it seems to be called, but I wonder, when will such proceedings start? this certainly can´t be it. "mumbling grandmothers with a keyboard and poor control of bodily functions" is a nice opening act, thanks Laura. Now, if you may, please start the god damn roast already.

Philistines don't understand my disturbing art. (Edit: But yeah, even I know when I've gone too far.. and this one was probably too far.. )

NeuralNoise, you're great. I have nothing against you, but your muttonchops look like shit. Get a shave, you hippie.
This is what I've been reduced to.. muttonchop jokes! Oy vey! It's hard to make friendly jabs at someone you're only peripherally acquainted to.

I did stumble over this in the pre-roast interview

"List your five most cherished possessions.
my books, my mp3s, all limbs, a statue of an owl and hair"

And I chuckle to myself that he loves his hair more than his daughter; she'll love that too. (Side-note is a daughter a possession? or is it only the tobacco and oil companies that can own people?)

Dude I think I've seen you up on the mountain.

Gullible sifters! I could be the joseph fritzl of brazil and you´d be all gooey, "he is so nice."
I´d spit in your roast, but it would likely be enough to put off the roasting fire and you´d never figure out how to make the "magic heat that bites" again. Morons.

Now, mano a mano:

Laura, the BBQ Wolverine image you´ve posted is so bizarre it makes me want to roast myself. Better, to self-immolate. twice.

Thinker247, yeah two favorite memories. In your face, you who can only think of peggedbeas´s dry vagina, Dags waxworks and child molesting. No, that´s three memories. you win.

Blankfist you are a fake. We know you are the picture model for the goatsee and as such you never grunt when taking a dump. or even notice it.

Rougy, we may clean motels now, but we also invented them motels. We did. And your mother was there.

Inflatablevagina, you are so cute trying to be mean, I´ll help you out. Worse than pompous, both of my cats names are bad puns. (Meaow-Tse and the "Laconic" one who would only say "mee" instead of "meaow").So please execrate me as puns are humour´s low-life white trash cousins.

Ornothron, wow, now THERE is some research and effort! Congrats on the trainee who did your job. Having my fraudulent narcisistic ways exposed by a mechanical bird´s apprentice is the moon landing to my neil armstrong. And yes, it is excruciating reading through you people´s comments in order to find even one worth mentioning.

Gwiz, because you like futurama, I won´t mention your excessive concern about my body hair.

Therealblankman, except for choggie all roastees were chosen by god. So if you pray hard maybe He will listen to your high pitched whining.

Haldaug, yes, I masturbate to furry porn. but cmon, you and your wife are so hot!

Peggedbea, those were your titties covered in shit? No wonder it all seemed so normal I didn´t know the roast had even started.

kulpims, you can be the mother of my next daughter.

Choggie, when I said gullible sifters I meant you. Also you should know that when you scream fuck you we hear "good morning"

Don Juan, jump off the bridge, dont jump off the bridge, you guys please make up your mind already so i can mindlessly follow, wtf.

Dotdude, the only place I´d fear a candiru is inside my urethra, whereas spiders are scary everywhere. Also the Amazon River is closer geographically to your new orleans house than mine in sao paulo.

Rottenseed, after I wipe my tears I´ll tell you that at least (or even) blankfist know we speak portuguese, not spanish. And if I was fritzl dressed as santa you´d sit on my lap.

MrFisk, or should I say "imelda marcos", I may lure young single moms to my moms basement but you are the guy who marries them afterwards.

Lann, it was great that you put my two best memories together, thanks. Now someone explain to this "person" what is a roast.

So that is it.
Thanks for the roast, morons!

Now, Laura, you promissed I´d be tied up and filled with herbs.
never fail me again, ok?

and "Mr jester", these pitiful crowdlings dont have enough venom, so please make your dice choose easier prey for the next roast, such as Hitler
(Godwin´s law does not aplly here)

^FTW^ !!!

*grooms NeuralNoise*

Roast XII is officially in Post Roast.

The competition for LAST COMMENT begins NOW.

I offer NO PRIZES.

You guys will figure it out.


And I have enough power points this time.

*unsticky


THE JESTER

Unstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by dotdude.

I want the powerpoint.
Siftie won´t respect me, or even hear my pleads, until I´m gold again and shed this silvery crud.

>> ^dotdude:
Roast XII is officially in Post Roast.
The competition for LAST COMMENT begins NOW.
I offer NO PRIZES.
You guys will figure it out.

And I have enough power points this time.
unsticky

THE JESTER

NeuralNoise wants some PQ love so he can regain his GOLD STAR:

http://parody.videosift.com/member/NeuralNoise/pqueued

>> ^NeuralNoise:
I want the powerpoint.
Siftie won´t respect me, or even hear my pleads, until I´m gold again and shed this silvery crud.
>> ^dotdude:
Roast XII is officially in Post Roast.
The competition for LAST COMMENT begins NOW.
I offer NO PRIZES.
You guys will figure it out.

And I have enough power points this time.
unsticky

THE JESTER

I see. This is the part of the post roast where the roastee tries to find some dirty groupie to go home with him? I don't know who to feel worse for, Siftbot for needing a wetnap after you ejaculate in his screen, or Siftbot for hearing you cry for 45 minutes after you're done.

For your masturbatory desires:
http://www.sifterparts.com/

>> ^NeuralNoise:
I want the powerpoint.
Siftie won´t respect me, or even hear my pleads, until I´m gold again and shed this silvery crud.

Siftbot said it was ok, that his rust wouldnt hurt me and it did exfoliate me.
So I had good reason for all those tears.


>> ^thinker247:
I see. This is the part of the post roast where the roastee tries to find some dirty groupie to go home with him? I don't know who to feel worse for, Siftbot for needing a wetnap after you ejaculate in his screen, or Siftbot for hearing you cry for 45 minutes after you're done.
For your masturbatory desires:
http://www.sifterparts.com/
>> ^NeuralNoise:
I want the powerpoint.
Siftie won´t respect me, or even hear my pleads, until I´m gold again and shed this silvery crud.

>> ^NeuralNoise:
Ornothron, wow, now THERE is some research and effort! Congrats on the trainee who did your job. Having my fraudulent narcisistic ways exposed by a mechanical bird´s apprentice is the moon landing to my neil armstrong. And yes, it is excruciating reading through you people´s comments in order to find even one worth mentioning.

Does this mean I won the roast, even if you can't manage to spell my name correctly? But I guess it's too much to ask to comprehend these complex norse names for someone whose first language is descended from murderers, pirates, rapists and grave robbers.

Fuck!!!
I guess when I first saw your name I misread it and now I´m dyslexic to it, all I see is a mechanical duck. That wont change back, ever. Anyhow there is more poetry in a fingernail of a graverobbed raped corpse than in all 1.200 norwegians together.
It also means you didn´t win, somehow.


>> ^Ornthoron:
>> ^NeuralNoise:
Ornothron, wow, now THERE is some research and effort! Congrats on the trainee who did your job. Having my fraudulent narcisistic ways exposed by a mechanical bird´s apprentice is the moon landing to my neil armstrong. And yes, it is excruciating reading through you people´s comments in order to find even one worth mentioning.
Does this mean I won the roast, even if you can't manage to spell my name correctly? But I guess it's too much to ask to comprehend these complex norse names for someone whose first language is descended from murderers, pirates, rapists and grave robbers.

^ I hate it when mommy and daddy fight. Or is this foreplay?

Thinker, hurry up and cum on my tits so I can go have a smoke.

Nobody's stopping you. Just don't blow the smoke in my face, or I'll cum in your eye. And nobody wants a repeat of the family reunion.

>> ^inflatablevagina:
Thinker, hurry up and cum on my tits so I can go have a smoke.

A Brazilian Wolverine... you know what that means, all claws, no carpet. Grrr baby. GRRRrrrrrrr.

You know this wrong to subject us to roasting Neuralnoise. What are we supposed to make fun of the fact that he is really really good looking. Like Derrick Zoolander? Are we supposed to make light of the fact that he is creepy nice? I mean if say something like,


"What you don't know is that girl in the photo is his wife."

Crickets, and it is just wrong. Plus, I resorted to making fun of the fact that all Brazilian men are lascivious creeps. You can't make fun of a man for being really really good looking and creepy nice. It can't be done. That's all I have left. I fart in your direction.