Roast Interview for MrFisk
I hope this prepares you for your "humor," which I expect to be paltry and bland in comparison to my mighty hilarity.
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Roast Interview
1. Why did you join VideoSift?
I began watching VideoSift because it was well-organized and I was looking for videos to put on MySpace. Like many people, I lurked here for almost a year before becoming a member. There were so many good videos and interesting people.
I joined after I found a video of Jesse Ventura talking shit about the Bush administration that hadn’t been posted (it made top 15). Also, I wanted to leave comments.
And then I was Siftquisitioned…
2. Do you have any embarrassing secrets to share with the group?
I’m not easily embarrassed.
3. Is that a dildo in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
That is not a dildo in my pocket. I used sell dildos though. I needed a job in my early 20s and I applied to every business downtown. The only place that hired me was the porn store, so I worked there for four months.
I had a boner for two weeks straight. Eventually, I developed a tolerance.
The store had a preview room and theater, which were actually two big-screen-T.V.s and some folding metal chairs. I got hit on by old gay men a lot. I was grossed out more than I was flattered.
4. What is your profession?
I’m a non-traditional student. Non-traditional means older (I put Van Wilder to shame). I will graduate with a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln at the end of the year. I plan to write good stuff somewhere, although I may go into public relations first.
I’m also a bartender, although I was laid off last month. I’ve worked in a dance club and a nice hotel.
I used to be a cook.
5. Who is your favorite grandparent, and do they feel a smug sense of superiority knowing that they're the best?
My granddad was one of the best people I’ve ever met. The one from my mom’s side was dead before I touched ground, but the one on my dad’s side was just a great man. I don’t think my granddad could have been smug, unless it was something about Texas’ superiority.
6. Why would anybody live in Nebraska?
It’s cheap and easy. There is a great university in Lincoln. Also, it’s a good place to raise a family, especially if you’re not worried about your weight.
I wrote a column about it last year: http://www.dailynebraskan.com/opinion/hale-snow-booze-football-embody-nebraska-life-1.2315151
7. Who is your favorite serial killer and why?
My favorite serial killer is Belle Gunness. She lured men to her home with the offer of marriage and then killed them and fed them to her pigs.
I like her because she’s a woman and because she got away.
8. How do you spend your weekends?
I used to work; now I drink. Sometimes I go out. I like to play chess and read. I watch T.V. shows online with my girlfriend.
9. Do you have a favorite movie? (Porn counts)
My favorite movie is Wild at Heart. My favorite porno is Little French Maid.
10. Why did you choose your particular avatar?
It’s a piece by Banksy that I love. I’ve always used Banksy’s work as my avatar, so it’s become sort of a trend .
11. How many times have you been caught naked in an elementary school playground?
Not once that I remember. I prefer being naked with my girlfriend.
I was arrested for indecent exposure in high school though. I pissed in an alley at lunch time. Actually, I pissed on a garden and the owner called the cops. They busted me on the way back to school. I was such an asshole when I was younger.
12. Have you ever been high?
I’m high right now.
134. Seriously, tell us something embarrassing. DO IT.
I got so drunk on New Year’s Eve that I pissed myself walking home. It was freezing outside and the gas station between my apartment and downtown refused to let me use the restroom. I was paranoid about getting busted en route and missed my objective by a block.
135. How many times must somebody say "That's what she said" before it stops being funny?
That saying is going to be around for a while. I really hate this question. I expected better from you.
136. Is it true that these roasts are really just a chance to call out Blankfist for his pedophilia?
Blankfist has always enjoyed the company of young boys. I hear he likes to fuck cats too. Once, he tried fucking a dog but it scratched him so hard that it broke an artery and he had to be rushed to the hospital with dog shit still on his limp dick, bleeding profusely and mumbling about cat farts.
i. Is this the first time you've been interviewed by someone better looking than you?
I’ve only been interviewed by the police. This is from an actual police report:
“Hale was very talkative during this time, telling me that there was a large meth problem in Nebraska City (where I graduated High School) and that he thought the police needed to pay better attention to the problem, Hale provided no information himself to implicate himself or to help out Law Enforcement. I read Hale his rights and asked him if the marijuana was his to which he replied no. When I asked him whose it was he replied it could belong to 100 people, but he failed to provide any names of who provided him with the marijuana or who was dealing meth in the Nebraska City area.”
17. What bothers you the most about humanity?
Injustice. Cicero said the more laws there are the more injustice there is. One of my goals as a journalist is to encourage lawmakers write, and the public to demand, more sensible laws.
18. If you could murder one person and never get into trouble for it, who would it be and why?
I wouldn’t murder anybody. I would like to capture Osama Bin Laden and force him into a cart that traveled across the country so that American citizens could throw bacon and shit at him.
19. Do you hate playing 20 Questions as much as I do?
I think there has got to be a better format for these roasts, but I am at a loss of how to do it.
20. Give us a parting quote to live by.
I love quotes, especially any by Aesop or Ambrose Bierce.
How about, “A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.”
- Joseph Roux
--
Roast Interview
1. Why did you join VideoSift?
I began watching VideoSift because it was well-organized and I was looking for videos to put on MySpace. Like many people, I lurked here for almost a year before becoming a member. There were so many good videos and interesting people.
I joined after I found a video of Jesse Ventura talking shit about the Bush administration that hadn’t been posted (it made top 15). Also, I wanted to leave comments.
And then I was Siftquisitioned…
2. Do you have any embarrassing secrets to share with the group?
I’m not easily embarrassed.
3. Is that a dildo in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
That is not a dildo in my pocket. I used sell dildos though. I needed a job in my early 20s and I applied to every business downtown. The only place that hired me was the porn store, so I worked there for four months.
I had a boner for two weeks straight. Eventually, I developed a tolerance.
The store had a preview room and theater, which were actually two big-screen-T.V.s and some folding metal chairs. I got hit on by old gay men a lot. I was grossed out more than I was flattered.
4. What is your profession?
I’m a non-traditional student. Non-traditional means older (I put Van Wilder to shame). I will graduate with a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln at the end of the year. I plan to write good stuff somewhere, although I may go into public relations first.
I’m also a bartender, although I was laid off last month. I’ve worked in a dance club and a nice hotel.
I used to be a cook.
5. Who is your favorite grandparent, and do they feel a smug sense of superiority knowing that they're the best?
My granddad was one of the best people I’ve ever met. The one from my mom’s side was dead before I touched ground, but the one on my dad’s side was just a great man. I don’t think my granddad could have been smug, unless it was something about Texas’ superiority.
6. Why would anybody live in Nebraska?
It’s cheap and easy. There is a great university in Lincoln. Also, it’s a good place to raise a family, especially if you’re not worried about your weight.
I wrote a column about it last year: http://www.dailynebraskan.com/opinion/hale-snow-booze-football-embody-nebraska-life-1.2315151
7. Who is your favorite serial killer and why?
My favorite serial killer is Belle Gunness. She lured men to her home with the offer of marriage and then killed them and fed them to her pigs.
I like her because she’s a woman and because she got away.
8. How do you spend your weekends?
I used to work; now I drink. Sometimes I go out. I like to play chess and read. I watch T.V. shows online with my girlfriend.
9. Do you have a favorite movie? (Porn counts)
My favorite movie is Wild at Heart. My favorite porno is Little French Maid.
10. Why did you choose your particular avatar?
It’s a piece by Banksy that I love. I’ve always used Banksy’s work as my avatar, so it’s become sort of a trend .
11. How many times have you been caught naked in an elementary school playground?
Not once that I remember. I prefer being naked with my girlfriend.
I was arrested for indecent exposure in high school though. I pissed in an alley at lunch time. Actually, I pissed on a garden and the owner called the cops. They busted me on the way back to school. I was such an asshole when I was younger.
12. Have you ever been high?
I’m high right now.
134. Seriously, tell us something embarrassing. DO IT.
I got so drunk on New Year’s Eve that I pissed myself walking home. It was freezing outside and the gas station between my apartment and downtown refused to let me use the restroom. I was paranoid about getting busted en route and missed my objective by a block.
135. How many times must somebody say "That's what she said" before it stops being funny?
That saying is going to be around for a while. I really hate this question. I expected better from you.
136. Is it true that these roasts are really just a chance to call out Blankfist for his pedophilia?
Blankfist has always enjoyed the company of young boys. I hear he likes to fuck cats too. Once, he tried fucking a dog but it scratched him so hard that it broke an artery and he had to be rushed to the hospital with dog shit still on his limp dick, bleeding profusely and mumbling about cat farts.
i. Is this the first time you've been interviewed by someone better looking than you?
I’ve only been interviewed by the police. This is from an actual police report:
“Hale was very talkative during this time, telling me that there was a large meth problem in Nebraska City (where I graduated High School) and that he thought the police needed to pay better attention to the problem, Hale provided no information himself to implicate himself or to help out Law Enforcement. I read Hale his rights and asked him if the marijuana was his to which he replied no. When I asked him whose it was he replied it could belong to 100 people, but he failed to provide any names of who provided him with the marijuana or who was dealing meth in the Nebraska City area.”
17. What bothers you the most about humanity?
Injustice. Cicero said the more laws there are the more injustice there is. One of my goals as a journalist is to encourage lawmakers write, and the public to demand, more sensible laws.
18. If you could murder one person and never get into trouble for it, who would it be and why?
I wouldn’t murder anybody. I would like to capture Osama Bin Laden and force him into a cart that traveled across the country so that American citizens could throw bacon and shit at him.
19. Do you hate playing 20 Questions as much as I do?
I think there has got to be a better format for these roasts, but I am at a loss of how to do it.
20. Give us a parting quote to live by.
I love quotes, especially any by Aesop or Ambrose Bierce.
How about, “A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.”
- Joseph Roux
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