Actually, he didn't shoot that beast. He performed oral sex on it, as is evidenced by the ungulate's ecstatic repose. And that's strawberry jelly on it's muzzle (you don't want to know).

*promote

Promoting this Sift Talk post - promote requested by dotdude.

I'm not sure where this fascination with Willy Wonka began for rasch187. Maybe it's a cultural thing in Norway, or maybe he just thinks gobstoppers are something he can take to stop his cravings to gobble on things. Its okay that you want to wonka on a few willies, rasch. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Is polygamy on the table?

What a silly question. Of course polygamy is on the table.... and the kitchen counter and the couch and on top of the washer/dryer and in the tool shed and out in the backyard.....

...having led a successful coup d’état against MLX (current whereabouts unknown)...

Yeah, that's not suspicious. Probably down the bottom of some fjord somewhere after being shot from four hundred meters.

CAUTION: Sifters who comment on this thread are automatically part of the next roast pool.

THE JESTER

*jingles away*

I have to say, it takes guts to admit that you're a necrophiliac who likes racist jokes and hates ice cream.

If Zifnab is our Darklord of the Sift... you are our Jar-Jar.

Fucking A, man, I've got a rasch, man. Fucking A.

Who is Rasch? well, I have looked into a few things (I'm going to check more on his videos later...) and here is what I had found out...

1) He looks more destracting that Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka... At least you know when you look at Johnny Depp, you know he is just off, but Rasch looks like he is going to do something rather unpleasant...

2) Rasch doesn't seem to have his words properly placed, or just very stoned... Seriously,

"Someone smoked my eyelids and punched my cigarette."

I'm guessing that having someone punching your cigarette is less painful than smoking someone's eyelid... otherwise, this could explain why he wears wonka sized sunglasses...

3) He is the owner of the Rock & Roll channel, but is that really saying anything? Just look at the History of rock&roll votes...

1. kronosposeidon (3049 votes) 2. Zifnab (2874 votes) 3. mlx (2444 votes) 4. silvercord (2298 votes) 5. Issykitty (2120 votes) 6. Issykitty (1962 votes) 7. dystopianfuturetoday (1727 votes) 8. gorgonheap (1676 votes) 9. JAPR (1285 votes) 10. choggie (1247 votes) 11. swampgirl (1124 votes) 12. lurgee (1090 votes) 13. calvados (991 votes) 14. winkler1 (840 votes) 15. snoozedoctor (733 votes)

The owner isn't even on the top 15! Even Choggie is beating this guy and Choggie is no longer with us... Can you really be proud of being an owner of something you don't have much control over!?!

what can you say about a man whose name sounds like a skin disease in 56 different languages, wears several tattoos, owns firearms and kills bambies for fun? probably a lot. the question is do I dare to, now that I've read all about what a sick bastard you really are. admit it, that stuff about animal sacrifice isn't made up, is it?

So, Rasch is Norwegian, and the leader of the Rock & Roll channel? Fitting, considering if you look at a map of Norway it’s kinda shaped like a guitar!
Or a skinny, mangled, deformed penis. Your call.

rasch187 says he wears a top hat because of Willy Wonka, the truth is that rasch187 has a case of peanut envy. His top hat wearing hero is Mr. Peanut.

His infatuation with Mr. Peanut began at a young age when a boy is beginning to ask questions about the world. He then attempted to fashion a Mr. Peanut outfit for himself, as he got older his infatuation only increased and he even when so far as to hire a hooker to be his Miss Peanut. He has even poured his life savings into his very own nutmobile. Ironically he will eventually die from anaphylactic shock.

So have pity on rasch187's salted nuts.

I thought that "rasch" was the Norwegian pronounciation of "retch" which is a popular past-time among Norwegian students, vis-a-vis "I drank so much vodka last night I 'rasched' for hours.

Well I'm leaving for the Thanksgiving week soon but I suppose I can take a few minutes to bag on rasch187. Not that I think he's worth the time but I feel that seeing his status as a registered sex offender it's my duty to inform the community about his recent activities.

Despite the Willy Wonka outfit the only 'candy' this man is offering kids is the kind that makes parent's fervently teach their kids the phrase 'stranger danger'. Well that's my jib. I gotta catch a plane now.

...Oh and I was implying that rasch is a child molester, for those of you who are too dense to figure it out. And there is nothing funny about a child molester. That is all.

When it comes to not being funny, Gorgon, you are without question the resident expert.

>> ^gorgonheap:
Well I'm leaving for the Thanksgiving week soon but I suppose I can take a few minutes to bag on rasch187. Not that I think he's worth the time but I feel that seeing his status as a registered sex offender it's my duty to inform the community about his recent activities.
Despite the Willy Wonka outfit the only 'candy' this man is offering kids is the kind that makes parent's fervently teach their kids the phrase 'stranger danger'. Well that's my jib. I gotta catch a plane now.
...Oh and I was implying that rasch is a child molester, for those of you who are too dense to figure it out. And there is nothing funny about a child molester. That is all.

Top ten things I know of rasch based soley on the first 20 pages of an advanced search involving all of his comments from 8 months ago forward...
1. Koreans creep him out.
2. He will vote for anything that involves magical turtles.
3. He agrees that the essense of male thinking is "why don't we fly up to the moon and drive around?"
4. He has a demented friend named Philip Fry.
5. He advocates caucasing in moccasins.
6. "Gay Karate Man" is his definition of "wtf"
7. He actually assumed that peguins could fly based on a clip whos announcer was a guy from "Monty Python".
8. He believes in a frivilous litigious society. ("He should sue his hairdresser")
9. He's sympathetic to furries who jump onto handrails and effectively bust their own balls.
10. He likes some kind of noxious weed.

What can we say about such a person? I don't know, but I think he's really the guy in this clip.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2617862504372592169&ei=mKEsSePFDZe2qAP_sqSNBg&q=norwegian

c'mon peeps, this is a roast!
I'm gonna nod off if nobody else contributes...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I can't do it, but *sticky *sticky *bo-bickey, *banana-fana-fo-fickey, *me-my-mo-mickey, *sticky!
(I'm trying.... )

Invocations (sticky) cannot be called by laura because laura is not privileged - sorry.

I used to assume he was a girl with a name like Rachel!

Oh SNAP!!

Fuck you, Johan. Fuck your mother, fuck your father and fuck your girlfriend, no wait scratch that last one, and your pet is the worst thing I've ever seen.

You suck so badly that had you been born in Africa, we'd have called you a black hole.

There are times when eugenics are a good thing and we should castigate the gene pool, this is one of those times.

I hate your country, it makes me sick. Your dirty oil money could help the world, but instead you hog it all up like a sponge, you unforgivable sod. Your country is why Europe can't have nice things!

You should be ashamed of your existence, you silly twat. Take off your top and dance around a little, now that you're such a bitch.

But I can't say that it's all bad. You do have some *quality things going for you:

1) You like Bob Dylan. No one can object to the Boss; good old blu eyes. It was such a shame when he died in that plane crash.
2) You are a child rapist/torturer. I mean, no one likes kids anyway, right?
3) You have burned down villages who didn't accept you as their personal deity.

But seriously, we should have a siftquisition, which ended in death. I propose you for it, because you are such an idiot that no one would miss your sorry, flea-ridden, bloated, blankfist-jizzmed corpse.

Go to hell. Go to hell and die.

Awarding Crosswords with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by gwiz665.

Claims to be a fan of Rock n' Roll and even heads the channel, yet lists his favorite artist as "this guy" as opposed to "this band" called "Lead [sic] Zeplin [sic]". Sounds like he just wanted to hoard all the videos for himself once he knew he could play the part and trick the admins into handing it over to him. For shame, you hairy-backed, knuckle-scraping Norwegian (everyone knows Swedes are the civilized ones).

I thought this was supposed to be a roast, not a cuddle party.

^I think we should roast dotdude for planning this on Thanksgiving weekend.

>> ^rasch187:
I thought this was supposed to be a roast, not a cuddle party.


man... either Norwegians are hardcore or we aren't trying hard enough...

Point of Information: MC and Roastee set the date and time.

Of course blankfist goes straight for the gay jokes. It's the only thing he does go straight for, except when he goes back home for the holidays and needs to assure his parents that Rodrigo is only his friend. His parents still can't figure out why all of blankfist's friends wear assless chaps to a dinner party.

Enough of that loser. On to the other losers!

I see our first comment was from schmawy, also known as CP420's sock puppet. I would say something else, but I'd probably edit it later, and then he'd discard this post.

Alright, who's next? Oh, that's right. DFT, the Real American Zero.

What can we say about DFT that hasn't already been said by numerous preteen girls in a court of law?

I don't want to say DFT is a pedophile, but I've heard he lives by the motto of poor African children on a dirt playground, "If there's no grass on the field, play ball."

Oh, but enough about that homosexual masturbator. On to the Norwegian nobody, the Scandinavian Scatmuncher, the Christian VII of Coprophagia, Herr Rasch187!

Please hold your applause...he doesn't deserve it.

Seriously, the guy hunts and kills animals for sport. And you don't even want to know what he does while he's waiting for the latest victim to arrive in his sights. Let's just say Ned Beatty took him off his Facebook.

And what's with the haircut, Herr Doogie? Are you trying to run for President of the Neil Patrick Harris fan club? He heads the Rock and Roll channel, but he looks like he should head the Rickroll channel, instead.

What am I forgetting? I could swear there was something else. Oh yeah! He wants to see BLANKFIST NAKED!

...

Luckily he only wants to see BF naked when he becomes a celebrity, so...yeah. *empty stare* I guess there's always Monica Belluci.

What I find quite hilarious is that he claims to have a terrible memory throughout his interview, yet he can recite the theme to Fraggle Rock at a moment's notice. Bad memory, yet remembers the theme to a stoner classic? Someone's been raiding kulpim's stash!

But seriously, anybody who is a fan of Bob Dylan is cool in my book. So congratulations, Herr Rasch!

(Alright, I was going to make an outro here, but I'm tired of this. If I wanted to make jokes for a crowd that probably won't understand or appreciate them, I'd go back to Roast IX and fuck karkarlee again.)

Goodnight!

Rasch was leaving for some engagement this upcoming weekend, so it was either now or delay it for awhile longer. If the current users sidebar is any indication everyone is still visiting the sift (as if these pack of nerds would go anywhere they didn't have 24/7 internet access). I just think between Rasch's threat of violence, postmortem violation and the lopped off elk head in his blog folk have just been too frightened to respond.

Too many of you having flash backs of when the school yard bully pulled your scoobydoo underoos over your head? Are you really scared of a man who looks like he could be the dorky comic relief on some Saturday morning kid's show? Someone so afraid of telling an off color joke, that if they had any super power it would be to change their skin color so they could 'get away' with it? And such a gigantic wuss he doesn't eat ice cream because he's probably afraid of brain freeze. There's nothing to fear so stop cowering in your piss soaked corner and tear him a new one!

First.

I think we're all missing one vital fact here. The reason no-one can sufficiently roast this douchepump is simply because he's so indescribably banal. I've seen more usable material on a Swedish naturist reserve. Conversing with him for more than 10 minutes is much like sticking needles in ones eyes, except much more painful and far less of a turn on.

I think we all know that he let us see that photo with him and the pretty girl to give the impression he could actually get a member of the female species to come within a 20 foot radius of him, but what we don't know is that she is in fact a French stripper he met in Amsterdam and 30 seconds later she handed him half of his cash back and blamed her menstrual cycle for not giving him a dance.

I'm sorry a law degree? Whatever! Methinks this is one of those lies you tell on the internet, but it's obvious he's not got the brain capacity to flip burgers, let alone submit a dissertation for fucks sake. Anyone who says "Legs? What the hell are they good for" is clearly lacking somewhat in the education department.

I'm sorry I can't waste anymore time on this monacle wearing, cane tapping, the-only-way-I-can-look-cool-is-to-listen-to-Dylan pretentious Norwegian tosspot any longer, I have a bikini line to wax. Good day!

This stupid thing still going on? If you haven't noticed, rasch187 ain't this important. He's Norwegian, remember? No one cares for the Norwegians. They're the turd-like residue left over after the Swedes left.

I'm glad to see thinker247 is here having a lot of fun with his 'First!' jokes. Those are so fresh. Thinker is like that guy that shows up at the high school reunion still making the jokes people didn't laugh at in high school. This clown had the misfortune to name himself 'thinker247', as if after a single comment post we wouldn't realize that was absolutely the opposite of what he should've named himself.

I'm glad they got Crosswords to MC this. That's a lot fun. Who's MCing the next roast? Anagrams? Nothing spells good times like a word puzzle with a knife welding raccoon avatar. I could not think of a more unremarkable person to host this, to be honest. Well, there is one: nibiyabi. "I'll put a pilgrim hat on Darwin and give him some googly eyes. That'll make me the life of the party!" No, nibiyabi, that makes you unfunny. Though, his profile claims he likes cat fart videos, so he can't be all bad, can he?

Who let rougy in here? Isn't there a warrant out for him yet? He's a forty something year old man with an avatar of a naked boy. Rougy fancies himself a poet. I normally like to encourage artists, but after reading his most recent poem Doorways & Beginnings I think encouraging him to continue would be like encouraging choggie to become a linguistics professor.

Good to see laura and alien_concept in here. Two of the resident women on the Sift. I'm not sure what good the two of you will do on here, though, because last I checked Dag and Lucky hadn't installed a kitchen. But, you're two progressive and self-actualized women, right? That's really great. Now, put a @$*# in that mouth and fetch me a ham and cheese sandwich.

Speaking of phallic items in mouths, I almost forgot this roast was about rasch. Rasch is an ugly guy. He is. I don't have a joke for that... he's just an ugly guy. I'm not saying he's the ugliest guy in the world, but his mom had to get drunk to breast feed him. When he was born, his mom tried to take home the placenta instead. Janet Reno is a handsomer man than he is.

Hey good job blankfist you big vagina. You balls are so big in this roast, they even "blanked" out the word cock

Or was it dick?

knob

Less talkie, more fetchy.

*felchy

Is it that time of the month?


Are you bleeding your ass, blankfist?


are the two related...?

Well Gwiz implored that I join him in the toasty dining hall of the roast!

When I first joined the sift I thought that the Charter members were lazy flop dicks, elitist wankers. Not much has changed.

But Rasch is a nice enough fellow, he hunts, hes a law student. I respect that.
I can't say much bad about him, and I cant make a direct insult.

What irks me the most about the fucker is he down voted my cat fart video!

i did some CH research.

rasch is even less funny than me, and pisses away more promotes.

that takes some doing. but at least i spellcheck.

I am honored that blankfist would bother to mention my name. Or remember it for that matter.

Libertarians and hard grain alcohol are not as loosely related as some would think. Fact is, one could not exist without the other.

But this isn't about me, and it's not about that seven inch long finger-like protrusion that most men feel when they reach for their crotch, except for blankfist.

No, this is about some Norwegian fuck with a purple hat that I've never met.

Some kid in a country almost as important and beautiful as Greenland, who for some god forsaken reason agreed to be the sacrificial caribou....

What? What do you mean I can't keep typing? Why, this is an outrage! I deman....

Gee folks, it’s beginning to smell a bit gamey in here and I know it’s not siftbot. As for the farting cat, it’s lurking somewhere close to the front page just waiting to pounce yet again.

Rasch187 is quite proud of his hunting trophies, but he’s too humble to brag about this one.

At the last roast Obsidianfire threatened to tear our cheeks.
At this one rasch187 has threatened to simply kill us and then defile our bodies.
So, I guess the next roastee will threaten us with weapons of mass destruction . . . and we can guess what that means.

You know, this is the second time a roastee has mentioned a fear related to the Amazon River. Sure piranhas are ferocious fish, but that is still a fear that is located far away from most of us.

This whole obsession with hats made wonder if rasch187 was hiding a conehead. But then I remembered coneheads usually say they’re French. Having viewed the photo he shared, I know that he has no cone. I guess “hat hair” is not an issue either.

Rasch187 began hiking at the suggestion of a woman he tried to talk to at local pub on ladies' night. I believe he misunderstood her sentiments.

Here are a couple of rasch187’s prized prints. Aren’t you just jealous of his collection?!?

While conducting my research I ran across his favorite character from Futurama and his favorite Batman villain.

And lastly here’s a video dedicated to our dapper roastee.

^ dotdude's last comment had more links than a Zelda gaming convention.

And if you want to find spam, don't look to my "First" comment; look to blankfist's pocket pussy. He's got to be the only person who buys sex toys in the canned meat aisle.

Oh, and I forgot to mention how I see rasch187's future in law. I see him getting Michael Jackson off. Then helping him with his court case.

@schmawy: I didn't hear any complaining when the strawberry jelly was on your muzzle, you kinky bastard. Now behave yourself, I've got a new rifle to try out, kitty cat...

@blankfist: Gay jokes from blankfist...what a surprise! I hope your movies are more original than your comments, or you'll be back to directing gay midget porn soon enough.

@MycroftHolmez: I'm sure that would be somewhat funny if I had seen some geeky movie. Instead it's uninspired and boring. Like you, mycroft.

@mas8705: the channel envy is plain to see. Rocknroll is for men, videogames are for boys...and fat, ugly mid-30s losers who still live with their mom...looking your way, mas.

@kulpims: your name suddenly came up on the list of potential sacrifices.

@firefly: we Europeans aren't squeemish when it comes to phallic land masses...you damn prude.

@Zifnab: you know all that talk of me being Mr. Peanut was just a trick to get you to suck my salty nuts? Worked perfectly. His dark helmet bobbing forwards and backwards...memories.

@gorgonheap: you succesfully killed your own joke, not to mention what little respect you might still have had here, with that last comment. How can I kill something that is already dead?

@laura: look who the stalker is now...I want you to tear up that restraining order, laura!

@calvados: you did that with your ex-"girlfriend" as well. I've seen the pictures...no room for doubt.

@gwiz665: Give me a challenge! This is a guy who sits in front of his computer all day, drinking cola and jerking off at regular intervals. He probably wears glasses too. His idea of wit is quoting Futurama. Despite being heterosexual, he hangs out in gay bars because no woman will speak to him. His mother makes up stuff about him so her friends won't think Lil' Nicky is as pathetic as he is. All in all, we're all richer people for not knowing this guy in person.

@nibiyabi: My hairy back and busted knuckles are powerful aphrodisiacs. Just ask your grandma.

@thinker247: I was looking forward to ripping you a new one, but then you end up praising my name. Bullet dodged for now...

@Crosswords: I'll make an exception and eat ice cream from your decapitated skull. THEN I'll get romantic with said skull. That knife-wielding raccoon won't be able to help you then.

@alien_concept: I think I prefer you keep sending me nude pictures of yourself instead of stuff like this. I know you crave my attention, but like I told you after those inappropriate phone calls you made: "I don't dig bald chicks or wooden legs". And I know you've tried to better yourself, but honestly; 3 teeth, no matter how white, are still 29 too few. Keep looking, Rae, I'm sure there are some guys in the damaged goods department that might go for you.

@NordlichReiter: ...and I'd do it again. And again. Then I probably wouldn't care anymore.

@my15minutes: your 15 minutes were up 5 minutes after you were born, you uninteresting spellchecker you!

@rougy: who are you, why should I care...and why are you wearing my dirty boxers as a hat?

@dotdude: I hear roast of dotdude is a Creole delicacy...

*promote me killing people

Promoting this Sift Talk post - promote requested by rasch187.

Oh look, rasch promoted his own roast. I haven't seen this much vanity since choggie discussed one of his own videos. But, rasch, you were a great sport about the whole thing, and I thank you for that. You're a great Sifter and a lot of fun... in bed. [/gay joke]

Fry did it!

I do wear glasses, but my mom thinks I'm cool...

I.. *sniff

*storms off to redtube*

Ah, my dear Rasch. I don't really want to pick on the guy, 'cause, well, we've been (rather unfortunately and completely by mishappenstance, or so I've been re-re-reassured) been blood-tied...

No, seriously, I just wanted to remind rasch, my man, that you're late for transfering past 14 months' alimony payments to my second-degree cousin Ilsa, dude. And by the way, it's also her 13th birthday next month, so, I dunno, maybe send a card or give her a call. You do know the number of the spousal abuse victims' clinic she's in, don't you? I think she's ready to hear your voice now, at least her doctors say she needs closure after that animal-sacrifice thing sent her over the edge.

Oh yeah, and that reminds me, have you divorced the six goats yet? If not, tell me how those public hearings go. Yeah I know, I'm surprised the 'liberal Norwegian society' hasn't embraced human-animal marriage as part of a doctor's thesis research yet, those hypocrites.

Best of luck on your animal-related law proposals and try not to kill anyone in the next week or so.

^ I'm not making any promises on that not killing anything deal.

@mas8705: the channel envy is plain to see. Rocknroll is for men, videogames are for boys...and fat, ugly mid-30s losers who still live with their mom...looking your way, mas.


Wow... this is a swing and a miss everywhere you look at it... You didn't recall that I'm 21... did you? and I'm actually 135 pounds... But in all fairness, that is a good explaintion of some of the gaming communittee...

I try to rip you apart, yet you let it go because I "praised your name?" I guess this means I can say anything i want at any time. Well here goes:

Rasch187 is a child molestor, in the degree of DFT, but a bit worse because he makes them go hunting with him afterward. He then pulls a Dick Cheney and buries their bodies in the woods next to earlier victims.

Rasch187 caused 9/11. He was the planner, and he personally picked the 20 hijackers who were supposed to do the job. But I know what you're saying. "There were only 19!" Yeah, well, Rasch decided that one of them was too young for the mission, so he fucked him in the ass and buried him in cement while finishing the foundation of his house.

Rasch187 killed Jesus. Everything was going well until Rasch whispered in the ear of Judas, "Hey man, what's up with the whole 'Judge not, lest ye be judged' bullshit? I say you betray him and take the money." Then he raped Judas and buried him in the formerly-filled tomb of Lazarus.

Rasch187 started the Holocaust. He told Hitler that some Jewish guy double parked in front of him, which sent Hitler into a fury. Six million dead Jews, and all because Rasch hates every single one of them, just because they're Jewish.

Rasch187 discovered an entirely new civilization on a planet near Alpha Centauri. Then he raped, killed and buried them all in Arlington National Cemetery. He does not visit their graves on the anniversaries.

Rasch187 started a national chain of orphanages, then burned them all to the ground on opening day, after raping and dismembering all the children. He also killed all of the kids' parents beforehand, just so he could stock the orphanages with victims.

Rasch187 is friends with blankfist.

Seeing how the regular 48 hours these things are supposed to last are more than up, I guess it's time to wrap things up. First I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to participate, and if you're lucky it'll be you who is on the block next time. Also special thanks to thinker247 who had what I thought was the best zinger with his Neil Patrick Harris line. For all those too afraid to participate I understand Rasch is out orphaning some Bambis this weekend so if you've got any last minute jabs now's you're chance to do it and have a head start. It'll be like The Most Dangerous Game, only with more corpse rape.

@thinker247: there's no part of that comment I didn't like.