Lord Zifnab gets his Crown, thought it would be bigger
Do you ever feel like you've been cheated?
The Dark Lord of the Sift, the one and only Darth Zifnab, just got his Bronze Crown, so now the tale can at last be told.
[CUE DRAMATIC THEME]
When last we saw the Dark Lord, he was pleading with LOL Schmawalker to join him so that they could end all this silly avatar madness, and rule the Sift as Dragon and Cat. LOL replied "I'll never join you! I like my silly avatars!"
Shortly after that young Schmawalker escaped, but they would meet again, this time on the new SiftStar. Emperor Blankfist goads them into fighting each other again, because he's a douche bag.
So basically LOL lights up on Zif-daddy's ass, and then Emperor Douchefist tells Schmawalker to kill him. When LOL politely declines, the enraged Emperor starts shooting farting cats at him.
Being a Canadian, Darth Zifnab enjoys fart noises just as much as Douchefist, as Terrance and Phillip are heroes in the Great White North. Still, the Dark Lord is forced to admit to himself that he enjoys silly avatars too, and because he's tired of the Emperor's debauched sense of humor anyway he picks him up and throws him into the reactor core.
(Couldn't find a decent picture of this scene that I could photoshop, so you'll have to settle for the...)
[...DRAMATIC SOUNDTRACK FOR EMPEROR DOUCHEBLANK'S DEATH]
But Lord Zifnab paid a great price for destroying the great douche bag. A horrifying flatulent odor got into his suit, so he asks LOL to remove his mask so he can breathe. The identity of the Dark Lord would at last be revealed!
[CUE DRAMATIC MELANCHOLY THEME]
Click "expand" below to see the identity of Lord Zifnab revealed for the first time!
"You can't really say you're surprised, can you?" said Zifnab to a completely unastonished LOL.
"Nope, not really," replied Schmawalker. "Oh well, you wanna grab some midi-chlorian burritos?"
"That's my boy!" beamed the proud Dark Lord.
THE END
_______________________________________
Well, not really. At least I hope it's not the end, because the Sift would never be the same without him. Zifnab has been here for over two years now, and he has given this place just as much character as any of the founding members. He has helped to define what this place is. He has posted so many popular videos that even he's lost count.
And you know what? Despite all the jokes about him being the "Dark Lord" here, Zifnab is actually quite a nice guy. In all my time here I can't ever remember reading a single harsh comment from him. I've exchanged a number of PMs with him, and I've come to the conclusion that Banfiz is just a regular person like you and me, except he happens to have a black belt in video sifting.
Zifnab doesn't put on airs about his lofty status. He doesn't wear his #1 rank like a badge. He just posts videos and votes like everyone else. In fact he's voted for other videos over 11,000 times, so he's taking the time to view our videos too. It is for all these reasons, my friends, that I say ol' Ziffy is pretty cool. (He also has a fondness for Pink Floyd and U2, which are two of my favorite bands, so he can't be all bad.
)So give it up for our friend Zifnab. He got his crown, because he is a prince among us.
52 Comments
kronosposeidon*sticky
siftbotStickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by kronosposeidon.
swampgirlDamn, KP you have a staff working for you?. Wham..lol
Zifnab, what's the deal? Everyone's getting crowns? I'm so plain jane now w/ my old tired diamond. You just wait your sorry asses till I get a vacation, then I'm catching up some
Congrats to our latest prince. Oh pardon me... dare I say, King?
mas8705*bows to Zifnab greatness* Congrats Zifnab...
PLEASE DON'T DESTROY ME!
dystopianfuturetodayAll hail Dark Lord Zifnab!
JAPRJesus Christ so much royalty...I feel like a poor person. D:
laura*sticky
)
(oh yeah, hey zifnab...that's so cool that you got that crown thingy now!
siftbotInvocations (sticky) cannot be called by laura because laura is not privileged - sorry.
dystopianfuturetodayHoly CRAPR, it's JAPR. Good to see ya'!
MrFisk1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
rasch187Always been a fan of evil, Zifnab. I've always suspected darth vader of being Canadian, what with all the hockey gear he's constantly wearing.
MarineGunrockQ to the ual to the i to the t.
Awesome story, and I lost it laughing when I saw the Dark Lord revealed. My girlfriend looked at me kinda funny though...
Anyway, congrats, Mr. Banfiz, for a job well done. Me thinks you need to get a new hobby, though.
siftbotAwarding kronosposeidon with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by MarineGunrock.
ZifnabWow, that's quite the epic post KP, *quality indeed. Thank you.
)
Thanks for the kind words everyone, I'm just happy to be a part of the community. I'm not a wordsmith like KP so I'll leave it at that for now (actually I just really want to go try to make a Darth Zifnab spore critter now
siftbotkronosposeidon has already been awarded a star point for this post - ignoring quality request by Zifnab.
EDDGreat outing of our Dark Lord and great last lines (more like couple paragraphs) from kp. I never thought about it while wallowing in my self-righteous liberal anger here, but it's true - Zifnab's the coolest, most neutral dude around. Plus, he's very prolific. Like Switzerland. Or like Canada, I guess
Anyway, while sifting goes without saying (wait... holy crap, at practically a 1000 videos, 34k votes - that's more on average than I have at 50 videos!), staying rather neutral is a real feat, knowing the group-hate we occasionally allow our discussions to degrade to. I mean, for goodness' sakes, out of 3000+ comments the guy doesn't even have one that would be '-1' rated. So allow me to congratulate you on both of these phenomenal achievements. You know we love you.
NetRunnerSomeone's falling behind on the regicide, we've just crowned our third member of the royal arisiftocracy.
Grats, Zifnab! BTW, who's your secret apprentice?
KrupoCongrats on the crowning!
IssykittyI bow to you, Dark Lord with a crown!
DeanoThat's some effort there KP! Well done to his Zifness!
EklekNo. 1 at last has its blinging crown, let us rejoice this historic moment!
(<- like these) among us sifters and lurkers..may your audiovisual delights continue to flow..
Let there be many smiling dots
Beware..KP's revelation only shows a tiny part of Zifnab's identity.. Other references ought to include none other than The Lord of the Rings, Dragonlance, Star Trek, James Bond, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Arthurian legend, the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, and soul music..my dear Wikipedia tells me..soul music, my Lord.
dagComment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)
The Sift, it's full of kings. Congrats dark Sift lord.
thegrimsleeperHoly crap, this post is awesome. Congratulations Zifnab.
All hail the real king of Siftopia.
RhesusMonk>> ^MarineGunrock:
Q to the ual to the i to the t.
Awesome story, and I lost it laughing when I saw the Dark Lord revealed. My girlfriend looked at me kinda funny though...
Who knew they made blow-up dolls with changeable expressions?
But seriously, how to congratulate a sifter like Ziffy? I guess all I can say is it's nice being one of the thousands of people who watch the viddies you post. Thanks. Keep it up; you make my long afternoons go by very quickly.
dotdudeYour Flameness.
mintbbbYay, congrats!! =)
calvadosGrats my fellow Canuck!
littledragon_79Jesus Christ, they're giving crowns to Canadians now?! That's it, I'm going to make a giant mentos & diet coke rocket and fire it at Canada. Sure it's a big country, but I figure if I aim at either a brewery or hockey rink I'll get him.
Seriously though, congrats!
KevlarCongrats, you Yahtzee-sniping bastard!
fireflyDon't give in to hate, that leads to the dark side...oops, too late.
Congrats
rottenseedto kronos: get a fucking job
to zifnab: you look like a penis with that crown on
MarineGunrock>> ^Zifnab:
(actually I just really want to go try to make a Darth Zifnab spore critter now )
Someone already did.
blankfistSheesh! Late to the party again! Oh well. Congrats, Zifnab! Major congrats. How does it feel to be the king of turd mountain?
Always a Sifter to look up to. A$$ GR@V33.
And, KP, thanks for the laugh. That was very well done. I'm glad my alter ego could succumb to such beautiful cat fart music.
12939I had to create an account just so I could reply to this.
First of all congrats Zifnab. Second, nice post kronosposeidon.
I know Zifnab in the real world (by that I mean offline) and have known him for nearly 20 years. He was my best man at my wedding this past July.
Not sure about this Darth Zifnab stuff though... He's always been pretty cool to me.
Anyways, keep up the great sifting everyone. I may not say much but I'm here almost everyday thanks to Zifnab.
blankfistAsylim's account has been instabanned by Zifnab.
gwiz665Don't underestimate the power of the Dark Side...
Well deserved applause.
FjnbkCongratulations, Zifnab! And congratulations, KP, for the extreme dedication and diligence you apply to VideoSift, which you surely must apply to your actual job.
kronosposeidon^Job? Work is for suckers.
kronosposeidon*unsticky
siftbotUnstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by kronosposeidon.
lucky760Holy wow! Mister Number One Sifter Evar has finally been crowned!
Congratulations dragon face!
guessandcheckcongrats zif
Zonbiebloody hell! finally eh
hehe so our number 1 sifter has a crown now yey! congrats Zifnab!
LadyDeathwow congrats
another king!!
fissionchipsI bow before your Siftitude. Congrats on becoming the true king of the castle.
Farhad2000Congrats Zifnab
Remember however that the first king blazes the path of those who follow him
ThylanHoly shit thats awesome everywhere
Thylan>> ^MrFisk:
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
I really do
CrosswordsI see they're giving these things out to just anyone anymore, the paper crowns at burger king have more meaning now. I kid I kid, congratulations, it's well deserved!
MycroftHomlzHey Zifty- Sorry about the delay. I have been on vacation! My first in 4 years!
It was awesome.
In other news, congrats.
MycroftHomlzWe should have banned you long ago.
CaptWillardCongratulations Lord of Darkness! Are we getting carried away with the whole "dark lord" thing, by the way?
Discuss...
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