Merry Christmas, Mr. Future; the war is over



There once was a man from Dystopia
Whose dick was so big as big as a...um...cornucopia
And inside a log
He kept a large frog
That he used to pleasure his...uh...WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCK IT!¹





"What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others."
Sounds like he beat another famous dude by about 500 years.

On this plane of mortal existence, DFT began his many lives as a poor Chinese man, but through wisdom and talent he rose all the way to the position of provincial justice minister. However, as so many righteous public servants learn sooner or later, his boss was a dick, so he quit. Undeterred, he still believed in ethics, and his teachings live on and inspire to this day.


This is gonna suck!

After DFT's spirit departed the East, he awoke in a land of many city-states that frequently waged war on each other. He himself was a soldier during this period, and a brave one at that. Still he was a philospher at heart, and that is ultimately what got his ass in hot water. He quickly learned that governments frown on "corrupting the minds of the youth." These days they defend the same tactics by calling it "protecting our family values." Same as it ever was.

Now DFT could have escaped his punishment, but he took his sentence like a man, based on principles. But even death didn't stop him, because he was just getting started.


That's right, DFT; don't take your eye off him. Never trust a guy named John with a crown

After a few centuries DFT learned how to play the game better, and was soon bringing kings to their knees. Getting to that point can take a toll on a man's soul, however. Beating the man forces one to come to terms with the frailties of human nature, and the realizations can be grim. They can even turn you into that which you despise....


IM IN UR CATHEDRAL, BLINDING UR ARCHITECT

....Even a downright paranoid prick. But then DFT met a beautiful princess.²


"Sure, I'll be happy to come up to your room to see your etchings, furrriend."

And her beautiful heart filled his heart with song. So much song, in fact, that he became a professional musician, and this is the song he wrote her:



Maybe a little sappy³, but it went multi-platinum. Who are we to argue with success?

Great things soon followed...


IM IN UR ENLIGHTENMENT, FOUNDING A NASHUN OF LAWS

...Yet there would still be problems from time to time.....


"Last time I'll EVER be a Republican."

....Because no matter what you do, there's always some asshole who wants to take you down.

But he's never given up hope. To hell with Mastercard moments, because THAT is priceless.

_________________________________________

And I ain't kidding. There are few people I personally know who have done more to reach out to so many people of all political stripes, in an attempt to engage in honest dialogue, because he believes in humanity. In other words DFT has hope, and he's doing his best to spread it. Now to some, spreading ANYTHING around earns you the title of "socialist"...


"Hey cat, could you redistribute some of your hair, a little bit to the left?"

...but we all know that true socialists have male pattern baldness, so obviously that label isn't appropriate.

Whether you agree with DFT or not on the issues, you have to admit that he's knowledgeable about them, and that he's willing to communicate with anyone about them. THAT'S how you make the world a better place. That's all he wants. He wants to make America a better place again too. He wants to turn things around, so that we're once again viewed with respect by the world.

In other words, our friend wants to take us away from this:



To a place that inspired all of mankind with this: