marshall is a totally faggy name.
What self respecting Puerto Rican Jew is named Marshall?
Oh...wait.... nevermind... self respecting...ha.. i kill me.

In reply to this comment by rottenseed:
Not that anybody cares but I'm bored at work sooooooo...

What up playas and hustlas my REAL name is Marshall, aka Marsh E. Fresh and I live in Pacific Beach, CA. I am 25 and I work full time as a project manager for a commercial construction contractor. By night I am a college student aspiring towards a mechanical engineering degree. It's slow going with the full time job and all but it keeps me out of trouble. I've got no kids that I know of, however, I donate sperm every day (let me know if you see a child that looks half-kleenex, half human). I have an awesome beard.

I love the sift because it's full of people smarter than myself that I can learn from, then turn around and mutilate what I've learned while bestowing the knowledge upon somebody else. It's a great atmosphere here and as you've probably noticed I try not to take many things seriously. I hope to never grow up (except when it comes to that baby-dick issue I've got).

vote for Kulpims video (I know I'm a whore)

>> ^moodonia:
Hey Kronosposeidon!
Thanks for the invite to the Rasch-lebration. I hope you and yours are having a nice summer I have a week off work soon, so with luck summer will hit Ireland that week!

"...you and yours"? Are you referring to him and a box of kleenex?

Somebody get this blubbering baffoon a kleenex!

Your video, Hugh Laurie: Man of Steel, Limbs of Kleenex, has made it into your personal Highest Rated Videos listing. Congratulations on a job well done. For you contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Nah - Hamas, PLO, Hezbollah, whatever. Name your Palestinian terrorist regime du' jour. They're all the same animal. The objective is the removal of the state of Isreal by whatever means necessary. Isreal could be as armed with only drinking straws and gentle as a Kleenex and it wouldn't matter beans to the Palestinians or other terror states.

And the Arabs DO 'help' the Palestinians... By arming them with rockets, rifles, and bombs. Iran, Syria, Lebanon - they're all funnelling weapons to the Palestinians. Maybe if the Isrealis can safely ignore the Arab gun to thier head, a peaceful solution can be found. Maybe the Arabs would be better off halting the weapons and giving more food & jobs. But the dirty secret is that the Arabs hate the Palestinians too. They just hate Isreal more and are keeping the Palestinians poor and angry so they can have a useful tool of angry terrorists to do the dirty work they're too afraid to do themselves after Isreal gave Egypt such a spankering.

Hoo-boy. Bet it took two whole Kleenexes for the cameraman to wipe the spittle off the camera lens after that little commentary.

But Sanchez should have gone straight after the media mogul morons who hired Mr. Not Joe The Not Plumber to do some job that he was so completely unqualified and unsuited for, not the village idiot himself.

>> ^dag:
Enzo, the Fermi paradox accounts for the probability of no faster than light travel. The milky way is at least 13 billion years old. That's more than enough time for thousands of civilisations to arise and colonise other stars using space ships that only reach a small fraction of the speed of light.

Yea but that's also so much time that many intelligent life could have lived then died. The key to finding life isn't just being in the right place, it's being there during the right time as well. It's important to realize we may be alone...right now. Or if there is life out there it may be in very primitive stages and not yet intelligent (we're still waiting for intelligence here on Earth). Our time here on earth is nothing more than kleenex skeet compared to the age of our galaxy.

Three squares is enough? Maybe if you're deployed in Iraq.

I'm to the point where I shower after almost every dump. If there are baby wipes or paper towels to wet down, I feel I can get clean enough that I don't need a shower. It's been years since I used only toilet paper.

It's like Will Smith said "if you were walking down the street and you got some feces on your arm, would you be happy just to rub it off with some dry kleenex?"

We have a few that are led by dominant brand name too. We used to call any powdered cleanser Ajax, because it was the only of it's kind for a long time, now we call it Comet. We still call facial tissue Kleenex and those feminine products Tampons, and cotton swabs Q-Tips. There's probably a lot more and corporate sales are always trying to break us from those habits.

Have a Kleenex...oh, sorry.

*promoted

/sniff
i'm a little verklempt. someone pass me a kleenex.

I'm not here to roast Obsidianfire...

I'm here to fuck Karkarlee.

I'm saying I'd really love to Zmx1ZmY= her cGlsbG93, even if it is illegal in 42 states.

I'm here to roast Obsidianfire, and not even mention his girlfriend at all, because that would be inappropriate and offensive, which is not the kind of humor we want here at the roast.

WARNING: The following message has not been approved by the FCC, Homeland Security, or President Cheney. Any and all remarks henceforth shall be referred to as "the jokes", and should not be construed as more than a feeble attempt by a bored Idahoan to garner laughter from his fellow computer-obsessed geeks, nerds and general cretins.

Commencing episode of "According to Jim" in 5...4...3...2...1

--
I'm kidding, of course. I know how OF gets when people mack on his chick, and if I wanted to be threatened by a bearded cave-dweller, I'd draw a cartoon about Muhammad for a Danish newspaper.

But seriously, how funny was that episode with moodonia? Only in the Internet age can a guy in America threaten a guy in Ireland about a girl in Finland...or wherever the hell [redacted] is?

And besides, how is OF going to hurt moodonia? Is he going to buy a ticket to Ireland? With his "money" that he gets from his "job?"

But anyway...

...

Jesus Christ, this roast is lame! I've had more laughs watching Schindler's List.

I've seen better roasters at a Kenny Rogers restaurant.

This is about as exciting as the George Carlin 2009 World Tour...and just as lively.

...

I see blankfist is here...from the trail of a$$ grav33 leading from the mens' bathroom to KP's mouth. I never thought I'd see the day when someone received herpes on the internet.

Choggie wanted to be here, but he's using his VS sabbatical to teach English to Thai schoolchildren. Or as KP calls it, "fishing."

Alright, enough about the losers here...Good night!

Just kidding. Really, you guys are all so great. Your comedy is like AIDS in Africa. Everybody hates it, but nobody does anything constructive to change it.

--

Alright, time to roast the Negro flamer. If OF can please leave his high-paying job for the night and let his wonderfully-supportive friends drive his Ferrari to his mansion, we'll begin.

Shit, what to say about a nobody like Obsidianfire?

First of all, I think we should discuss banning him for his self-posting of this video. Who knew El Flamer Negro was a homeless black guy with schizophrenia, who thinks he has a [redacted] who loves him? BANNED.

Secondly, I think OF is actually Paul Reubens, aka "Pee Wee Herman." How do I know this? Well, OF states that his favorite show was Pee-Wee's Playhouse. OF is from Clearwater, Florida, and Pee Wee was arrested in Sarasota, Florida for jerking off in an adult theatre. The two cities are very close to each other. Either he's actually Paul Reubens, or he was raped by Pee-Wee Herman. This could also explain why he defends his "[redacted]" so strongly. Keep up those appearances, right Pee-Wee? I mean, OF?

Obsidianfire thinks he's hot shit because he makes his avatars with Photoshop. Oh yeah, OF, it's really tough to copy a design from the internet, then crop it into a 100KB avatar. Look at me, I'm a "graphic designer!" I have a "[redacted]!" ...let me tell you something, OF. MS paint, a bottle of lube, a box of Kleenex and a tiny flaccid penis would make me just like you.

But to be nice, I must admit that you're a really good guy, OF. I mean, some people here are mocking you for being an old-school sifter, yet only having a few videos up. But they don't understand how hard it is to find an internet connection in a crack house while trying to give your landlord a reach around.

And besides, it's not about quantity, it's about quality. And I'm sure when you finally meet [redacted] in person, [redacted] will repeat that to you...in bed...before [redacted] dumps you for some Finnish soap opera star.

*takes a bow*

>> ^iloseatlife:
booooooooo hooooooooooooooooo
more crybabies
you guys make me think I should get some stock in kleenex


A fine method of enforcing conformism: deride anybody who complains about anything.

>> booooooooo hooooooooooooooooo
more crybabies
you guys make me think I should get some stock in kleenex

^iloseatlife

indeed, you do

booooooooo hooooooooooooooooo
more crybabies
you guys make me think I should get some stock in kleenex