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Squirrel jumps on UPS delivery man

StukaFox says...

I gotta squirrel story.
So when I lived in Mountain View, for Christ only knows what reason, the idiots in charge of power put this big-ass transformer thing on the corner of my property. The thing hummed with menace and I knew that shit wasn't right. But I didn't worry none because there was a big green metal cover over it that provided the same protection against horrendous death that a box of Kleenex would have provided the World Trade Center on 9/11.
One day, I'm standing on my balcony and drinking a beer. I mighta been stoned, too, only there's no 'mighta' that day. I'm watching the whorehouse across the street (really) and generally buzzing when I see a squirrel on the lawn. I hate squirrels. A motherfucking squirrel ate my bar fridge and fucked me outta the $50 I was selling it for on Craigslist (really).
Anyway, I got this longneck of Bud in hand and I'm working out whether I can brain the goddamn rodent with it when the neighbor's cat come rippin' ass from under the balcony and goes after Skippy.
Well here's some amusement!
The squirrel is running for it's pointless life and the cat is banking like a F-16 chasing an Iraqi MIG and I've already got $10 down on the kitty with a $3 over/under. I already know how this was gonna end and I was rootin' for it every step of the way.
Only it didn't.
The goddamn squirrel found the ONE way to get under that green metal cover I mentioned previously. The cat stops in amazement and I'm all pissed because I've been gypped outta Wild Kingdom's money shot.
A second later there's a flash like Ivy Mike going off from under the cover and an a concussive BOOM!! The fucking cover blasts off like a Space-X project gone horribly wrong -- or, in this case, delightfully right.
The cat jumps like 5 feet in the air and an arc of turds flies outta its butt, the cover returns to earth as a traffic hazard in the middle of Latham St., and the squirrel is basically vaporized. And now I'm the happiest motherfucker in Mountain View because dude, that shit was AWESOME!
I call out, "Babe! You won't believe what just happened!" 'cause you gotta totally share shit like that.
Then I realized everything is TOTALLY silent, like Little House on the Fucking Prairie silent.
"The power's out," my wife responds.
And it STAYED out for like two goddamn days while the putzes from the power company had to rewire pretty much everything that blew up.
Honey Badger didn't give a shit because Honey Badger'd copped an oz right before this shit happened. And as Fat Freddy taught us, "Dope will get you through times of no power better than power will get you through times of no dope." Or some shit like that. I dunno, I'm totally fucking baked right now.

The Rains of Castamere - METAL Game of Thrones Cover

siftbot says...

The Rains of Castamere - Metal Cover (Game of Thrones) has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

The Rains of Castamere (Metal Version) - Game of Thrones has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

The Rains of Castamere & Game of Thrones Theme Choral Medley has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

Sigur Rós - The Rains of Castamere (Game of Thrones 4x02) has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

Game of Thrones: The Rains of Castamere Instrumental has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

The Rains of Castamere (Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 6) has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

A Lannister Always Pays His Debts (Game of Thrones Season 3) has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

Game of Thrones Piano Suite has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

Game of Thrones - The Rains of Castamere has been added as a related post - related requested by Lilithia.

Game of Thrones - The Rains of Castamere

The Rains of Castamere & Game of Thrones Theme Choral Medley

The Rains of Castamere (Metal Version) - Game of Thrones

Sigur Rós - The Rains of Castamere (Game of Thrones 4x02)

The Rains of Castamere (Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 6)

Game of Thrones: The Rains of Castamere Instrumental

"Ask Jesus" To Come Sit On Your Heart

MrFisk (Member Profile)

Jaw dropping guitar metal cover...OF LADY GAGA?!?!

Jaw dropping guitar metal cover...OF LADY GAGA?!?!

kasinator (Member Profile)

Jaw dropping guitar metal cover...OF LADY GAGA?!?!

What are your favorite album covers? (Art Talk Post)

blankfist says...

^Ooooo! Yeah, Iron Maiden had some awesome covers! I used to have this Iron Maiden Number of the Beast album cover as a black light poster on my wall in high school. Eddie is legendary! I've got a cheese-lovin' nostalgic spot for most of the Heavy Metal covers from that time. I mean, come on, how can you not include this 80s-era nuke hysteria gem? Vic Rattlehead is also legendary.

As an aside, do you remember how many 80s heavy metal bands had mascots?! Motley Crue's Allister Fiend?! Anthrax's Not Man? A quick Google search netted this site with a list of 80s band mascots. Classic stuff.



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