Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

I would relocate her into the local Motel 6.

Dunno, I've never really been in the situation. It depends a lot on the circumstances. If it was directed at me, I think I would get in her face and tell her what I feel. Being family doesn't give you the right to be a bitch, no matter how old you are. But if it were more general like "all students are lazy blah blah" then I would probably shrug it off and just argue against it.

If she was like "You're a bad person", I would probably kick her out -> making me a "bad person"

^Dag, you said it.

You have graciously invited said lil'ole lady in your home. Being old is no excuse for being a little witch, unless she's senile. Even then she'd need to be told she's behaving badly.

It is your home, your sanctuary. Hand the lady her bags. Accept nothing but the respect you deserve in your own home. (I take this is an in-law?)

She'll either get it, apologies, and treat you nicely..or she'll leave in a huff never to return. Either way you get peace.. Win=Win

I always think subtlety is best in this situation - like a horse laxative in her ice cream.

No, seriously, you strike me as someone with a subtle wit - use it as sharply as you can. You can avoid the screaming and emotional turmoil that are likely to ensue from "getting in her face", and still let her know that her attitude is not appreciated. If she still persists, then yeah, it's probably time to sit her down and say something like, "If you're uncomfortable staying here, then we'd be happy to put you up in a hotel. But in any case, you are definitely making me uncomfortable in my own home, so please lay off with the snide remarks. Coffee?"

1. Take out life insurance on little old lady.
2. Find a stair case.
3. Accidental strong 'gust of wind'
4. ????
5. Profit

Too much?

Is she your mom? You partner's mom?

I feel your pain. If it is your relative: say something to them in private. If it is your partner's relative: ask them to speak with them on your behalf.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend should understand that they need to be on your side. End of story.

What Dag said.

Well, I trust you folks in Silver City know how to hide firearms like we do down here in Roswell.

Since we have that base covered, they are probably passive-aggressive and just hoping you'd say something about how fat they were (too easy) or rejoice in the fact that you didn't turn the blankets down at the opportune time like great-great-aunt Gertie.

I think they kind of want you to tell them off, in the loving but frankful way a matron would do.

Actually, they probably want to bitch a little bit, and have someone beautiful there who cares enough to listen.

They want more attention.

Outright challenge her on it. Sure, old people deserve your (our) utmost respect, but not when they have little or none for you. Failing that, unscrew a floorboard somewhere and cross your fingers

i'd be inclined to most of the above, but even in a hypothetical, theres the question of the collateral fallout from her being someones little old. and whos. and their relationship to you etc.

But disrespect should not be put up with, and not be expected to be put up with either. respect is mutual, not one-sided.

i know how to get rid of the old hag by morning.

have mg park in your driveway tonight.

So, it could have hypothetically gone down essentially like so:
I tell her she hurt my feelings and give point by point rebutals to each of her attacks (me thinks thou doth protest too much...), to which she said "isn't that funny?", not "I'm sorry".
So I go to my room and cry.
So then my absolutely amazing husband comes back from the grocery store, hears of the incident from his auntie and proceeds to tell his mother that she can't come into his house and insult his wife, whom she obviously doesn't know at all. As he is escorting them to their car, and closing the door after them, he says "By the way, did you wish Laura a Happy Birthday?".
Let's also say that said lil 'ol lady will not speak to her son any longer.
That's why I wouldn't know what to do about the situation, hypothetically...

...and thank you all for writing, showing me once again how amazingly intelligently lucid you all are. Good stuff. *hug*

Your husband did the right thing.. You shouldn't have to deal w/ that. You come first.

Hey girl, and Happy Birthday!

"It's not that I hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies."

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

I read an interesting book on parenting - I can't remember which, might have been "a Passionate Marriage" that said that couples can fall into a trap of placing too much importance on their "vertical" relationships. Those would be your kids and your parents- but the book posits that if you maintain your "horizontal" relationships (spouse and friends) the rest falls into place.

Meaning that your parents and kids are most content when you are - and you are content by focusing on your spouse and friends.

I like that dag. In fact, this whole thing isn't really that big of a deal to us, but it's hard not to think about one's mother when she's 90.
I believe the essential problem in this case is just the tremendous difference in worlds/realities. There are people who live and breathe by what everyone else thinks of them and what they're "supposed" to do, and there are those who don't.
Someone who keeps their house dust-free, lacy, watches soaps, and is involved in Eastern Star...doesn't understand our world at all. So it is uncomfortable for them when they visit because we have an unconventional house (by that I mean no sofa/loveseat/recliner configuration, no commercial tv, etc.) and I'm not vacumming in pearls and high heels.
When we visit them, we can slip into their reality and it's ok, but they visit to save on hotel bills when they go to meetings around here and that's when it gets ugly...they had been trying, though. That's what made it do-able for me. This one was the last straw, though.
I think I was feeling slightly guilty for not handling it differently. I think I'm over it now, though.

Update, for the record :
Everything's good again as of this week. Turns out I have some kind of "full pardon/forget about it" switch on a person's 91st birthday. And she's being cool. Go figure

Cleaning up ~ *discard

Discarding this post - discard requested by original submitter laura.