Lord Zifnab gets his Crown, thought it would be bigger
Do you ever feel like you've been cheated?
The Dark Lord of the Sift, the one and only Darth Zifnab, just got his Bronze Crown, so now the tale can at last be told.
[CUE DRAMATIC THEME]
When last we saw the Dark Lord, he was pleading with LOL Schmawalker to join him so that they could end all this silly avatar madness, and rule the Sift as Dragon and Cat. LOL replied "I'll never join you! I like my silly avatars!"
Shortly after that young Schmawalker escaped, but they would meet again, this time on the new SiftStar. Emperor Blankfist goads them into fighting each other again, because he's a douche bag.
So basically LOL lights up on Zif-daddy's ass, and then Emperor Douchefist tells Schmawalker to kill him. When LOL politely declines, the enraged Emperor starts shooting farting cats at him.
Being a Canadian, Darth Zifnab enjoys fart noises just as much as Douchefist, as Terrance and Phillip are heroes in the Great White North. Still, the Dark Lord is forced to admit to himself that he enjoys silly avatars too, and because he's tired of the Emperor's debauched sense of humor anyway he picks him up and throws him into the reactor core.
(Couldn't find a decent picture of this scene that I could photoshop, so you'll have to settle for the...)
[...DRAMATIC SOUNDTRACK FOR EMPEROR DOUCHEBLANK'S DEATH]
But Lord Zifnab paid a great price for destroying the great douche bag. A horrifying flatulent odor got into his suit, so he asks LOL to remove his mask so he can breathe. The identity of the Dark Lord would at last be revealed!
[CUE DRAMATIC MELANCHOLY THEME]
Click "expand" below to see the identity of Lord Zifnab revealed for the first time!
"You can't really say you're surprised, can you?" said Zifnab to a completely unastonished LOL.
"Nope, not really," replied Schmawalker. "Oh well, you wanna grab some midi-chlorian burritos?"
"That's my boy!" beamed the proud Dark Lord.
THE END
_______________________________________
Well, not really. At least I hope it's not the end, because the Sift would never be the same without him. Zifnab has been here for over two years now, and he has given this place just as much character as any of the founding members. He has helped to define what this place is. He has posted so many popular videos that even he's lost count.
And you know what? Despite all the jokes about him being the "Dark Lord" here, Zifnab is actually quite a nice guy. In all my time here I can't ever remember reading a single harsh comment from him. I've exchanged a number of PMs with him, and I've come to the conclusion that Banfiz is just a regular person like you and me, except he happens to have a black belt in video sifting.
Zifnab doesn't put on airs about his lofty status. He doesn't wear his #1 rank like a badge. He just posts videos and votes like everyone else. In fact he's voted for other videos over 11,000 times, so he's taking the time to view our videos too. It is for all these reasons, my friends, that I say ol' Ziffy is pretty cool. (He also has a fondness for Pink Floyd and U2, which are two of my favorite bands, so he can't be all bad.
)So give it up for our friend Zifnab. He got his crown, because he is a prince among us.
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