Kulpims turned me on to this site, and it's a winner: Book-A-Minute Classics. Perfect for those who are lazy and ignorant but who want to sound smart and educated. In other words, all of us! Here's a sample:

THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Ancient Mariner:

I am creepy and old. Listen to me.

Wedding Guest:

I'm late, but I'll listen.

Ancient Mariner:

I killed an albatross. Then everyone died.

THE END

Don't you feel smart and sophisticated already? You're welcome.