Um, Guiness Extra Stout's a twist off. But it did look cool. Just sayin'.

From this week's issue of The New Yorker:


Shouts & Murmurs February 16, 2015 Issue
Diary of the Left Shark
By Kelly Stout




A remarkable feat of agility was performed on Sunday night, and it had nothing to do with football. It was the sharks. . . . The dancing sharks at Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime show . . . danced in unison. But soon, one of the sharks, specifically Left Shark, said enough of that, and began to do his own thing frenetically on national television.

—Washington Post.

First rehearsal went great. Katy says to just call her “Katy”—very down-to-earth move. Happy to see Eric! Grateful he got me this gig, as not a lot of work out there for us sharks.

Second rehearsal O.K. Eric picking up dance moves faster than me, which is no biggie, since I’m still getting over quad injury. Still, resolving to work harder. Went for a beer afterward with dancing Blue Surfboard, named Jeremy. He’s worked with Miley Cyrus!

Eric texted wanting to know if I could use some “extra practice.” Didn’t think I needed “extra practice,” but Eric = good buddy, so I value his input. Couldn’t meet him, though, had book club.

Eric acting high and mighty in rehearsal—keeps referring to himself as “old veteran.” Feel he should turn it down a notch. Super Bowl halftime show is not a combat situation, and metaphor makes no sense.

Rehearsal rough tonight. Eric called my grasp of choreography “amateurish.” Said he did big favor by recommending me, and now worried Katy won’t hire him again. Said work must be “on a professional level” with “zero tolerance for mistakes.” I told him I was sorry to have disappointed, that my work will be “professional level” from here on out. Went to bathroom and cried into fins, but no one saw except Jeremy, who was very understanding. J says Katy makes a lot of people crazy—just ask Russell Brand! Found joke to be a little sexist—and, besides, Katy not really the problem—but appreciated support.

Katy took me aside after rehearsal. Uh-oh. But no! Said she likes seeing my extra effort! On verge of major breakthrough vis-à-vis choreography!

Happy to have long weekend off from rehearsal to regroup. Guy at brunch overheard me talking about current gig and asked if I am a real shark! Of course I’m a real shark! Tried not to be offended, but people can be so ignorant.

Back at rehearsal. Things steadily better, but sometimes feel Eric = competitive with me, since so few of us sharks in the industry. But shouldn’t that bring us closer? (Rising tide lifts all sharks!)

Big day almost here. Grandma and Mom both called to say everyone back home’s rooting for me. Pressure, but in a good way.

Eric recommended some changes to choreography today. Katy considers Eric “genius,” so took recommendations. Feel my success with old choreography hard won, so am disappointed. This time, Eric didn’t offer any “extra help.”

More dance changes today! Can’t keep up, and Eric can tell. Hate to sound paranoid, but worry that Eric’s trying to sabotage me! Going to have a glass of Shiraz to relax before practicing new moves.

Regret drinking entire bottle of wine last night. Skipped rehearsal, which I realize is not “professional level” behavior, but Eric and his “zero-tolerance policy” can suck it.

Embarrassed by last diary entry. Eric is not sabotaging me. Am letting my insecurities get in way of friendship.

NOPE. ERIC’S DEFINITELY TRYING TO SABOTAGE ME. Super Bowl is tomorrow and he changed dance moves AGAIN. Trying to make a fool of me. Unsure which makes me sadder, potential end of dance career or potential end of friendship.

Super Bowl over. Grandma and Mom called to remind me that my personal best was all they ever asked for. Am laughingstock of Internet. Gained hundreds of Twitter followers, but suspect most are “joke” follows. Katy sweet about it.

Jeremy invited me to have a beer with him and other Surfboard. Frankly, feel that other Surfboard’s kind of a blowhard, so declined.

Got voice mail from Mom this morning asking if I’m considering going back for teaching degree. Said I’m “good with kids” and not end of world that dancing didn’t work out. Ouch.

Jeremy brought over falafel last night and made me forget Super Bowl debacle with impression of Taylor Swift. Didn’t know Jeremy = T.S. fan! Promised I wouldn’t tell Katy. Not that I’ll be working with Katy again anytime soon.

Text from Eric wanting to know how I’m “holding up.” Chose not to say anything, as had nothing nice to say.

Jeremy joining book club! Silver lining of Super Bowl ordeal.

Downloaded application to Columbia Teachers College. Think I could maybe make a difference in lives of youth, plus get mind off Super Bowl. Jeremy, Mom, and Grandma all supportive. Mom asked if Jeremy just a friend or what. Her ideas re male friendship pretty “stone age,” but appreciate her interest.

Feeling O.K. about future. Dance world maybe too toxic for shark like me. Perhaps whole episode not humiliation but wake-up call! Considering move to Austin. ♦

Uhhh yeah, a slap from a lady (or the smallest guy in this viddy) may simply make Payback here a bit jocular or perhaps horned-up or at worse, just get him going....and if I saw a cat this built go at woman being as short, stout and slower nowadays as I am.....be goin' for some hamstrings with good steel or using some powered device of some sort to intervene-Not that I'd really wanna even ever even have to do something as bold-faced and silly :0

That's a stout pole. A lot of them are designed to break away.

Tripod next time? And where can I get such a cool, stout-looking hammock like that? Thing looks almost medieval.

Surprisingly stout lamp post say "yes".

Good points. Not that I agree wholeheartedly or at all, necessarily, but you seem congruent in quoting a text. Bibliography isn't stout enough for MLA standards, but I'll let it pass.



Here's what I don't get the most; out of all things you are not supposed to do according to the bible, it seems like homosexuality gets an "unfair" mention. Being that it's only condemned a few times. Now, I know if it's condemned once it might as well be condemned a thousand times, but I just feel that it's slightly coincidental that homosexuality—an act that can actually be repulsive to a non-homosexual or to a homosexual that's ashamed of his/her own feelings—that it is the one touted as the downfall of humanity. I mean there are plenty of ways to sin, why is so much emphasis placed on homosexuality. It just doesn't seem to be congruent with the amount of mentions it has.



Also, as a straight male, I've never had to make a decision in my sexuality. In fact, if anything I'd say it seems out of my control (not my actions but my tastes). So really, anecdotally, I'd say that sexuality is far from being within our conscious control. The problem, it seem, the religious have with that, is it seems to undermine parts of the bible. This, to me, is why it has become such a lynch-pin issue. To admit homosexuality is naturally occurring and against our control, would prove a part, even a small part, of the bible fallacious.

Instead of attacking homosexuality, however, I'd think that Christians would be better off focusing as much on homosexuality as is in the bible—which is very little.>> ^shinyblurry:

>> ^VoodooV:
I do have to give the WBC credit for just showing up and credit to Brand for controlling his audience enough to give them a chance to speak.
Anytime you have that chance to at least have a dialog is a win and how one learns.
This just reinforces the absurdity of believing in a god or at the very least having any immutable doctrine of god.
Even if you're at the very least a deist, this idea that you can know precisely what god wants (on BOTH sides of the issue). You don't know that god wants you to hate fags, for that matter you don't know that god wants you to love either.
Even amongst people of the same faith, you can't get anyone to agree on exactly what god is/wants. There is no authoritative source, and that includes the bible and it's multiple versions. There is no empirical evidence either way.
even if you do believe in a god, saying "I don't know" sets you free from any religion or cult like this.
Even if a god does exist and does in fact hate homosexuality and does not want you to be/practice it. He's got an undeniably shitty way of communicating this guideline and why it should be adhered to.
God may be all powerful, but he's shite at communication and education.

That may be true of the various religions, but in Christianity you have near universal agreement on the foundational tenants of the faith, both today and going back to the early church. How you get saved and what God expects you is very well understood and agreed upon by nearly all Christians. Yes, there are differences..some people think baptism is really important, some not so much. Some people think speaking in tongues is important, others not so much. These are all peripheral issues to the heart of the fatih, which is the suffering death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. There is no confusion in the church as a whole as to how you get saved.
It's also not that God is a bad communicator, it is people are hard of hearing because they suppress the truth:
Romans 1:18-21
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.
He gives everyone more than a clue that He is there and what He expects of them, but they harden their hearts to God because of sin.
And far be it from me to defend the WBC, but they have a point about sin. This nation (world) glorifies sin, but sin is what leads people to destruction. If you glorify sin to someone, it is like hating them. Where the WBC goes wrong, and that's to put it mildly, is the negative and judgmental way they present the gospel. This is what scripture says about sharing the faith:
2 Timothy 2:24-26 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
I think they skipped over these verses when they put together their ministry. They've probably done more in recent times to turn people away from Christ than all the televangelists put together.

>> ^zombieater:

I like the idea of this survey, but the description mixes two different topics. The theory of natural selection and evolution have nothing to do with the origins of life on earth (the prevalent scientific theory belongs to abiogenesis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abiogenesis). I believe this may be what gwiz touched on, in that numbers 2 and 4 also refer to evolution.
Perhaps we could ask a survey that asks about the origin of life on earth? Selections could include:
1) Creationism
2) Deism (Clockwork Universe Theory)
3) Abiogenesis
4) Panspermia Hypothesis
The Gallup poll to which you refer did not focus on the origins of life, rather how life has changed (or not changed) in our recent biological history. I doubt you meant that aliens have changed life since it first began, which is why I believe two different ideas are mixed here.


Your right, I did mix it up a bit. I tried to even it out a bit in a quick edit maybe 10 minutes afterwards when I fully re-read it (and the realization that it was slanted hit me; I also tried to make the religious stances sound more equalized--hard to do without evidence...). But, really I had it up for too long so I just left it be; or at the least I thought it was too long. I figured everyone would gather what there was to choose from and what I meant whether I made some mistakes or not. Even in my description of Evolution I made sure to make people realize that Darwin's old natural selection isn't the "exact" primer for everything in biology although a strong one. We've found much to our surprise that stranger things are going on in the lands of "Evolution" and natural selection, survival of the fittest, and other old adages taught in school as the MOST of the only things driving Evolution for the most part may be a little off--not completely--just that the window to our knowledge IS NOT closed and our horizons are broader than once thought thanks to modern scientists re-tooling their devices and machines to once again have a more thorough and "re-tooling" our look at Evolution for a harder "inside look" as well. It's more like an onion now with layers that peel off; each time you peel off one there's another ready to be peeled off... (I'll make sure I didn't get that confused in the poll, somewhere...)

As for choices two and four... I was also concerned that they both had Evolution (especially choice four as I listed it DIRECTLY, even though technically an Alien intelligence is bound to believe, perhaps, in fourteen different reasons for their existence and ours as well...so I may have "jumped the shark" so to say on that one altogether) as a primary tool in them as well as it really didn't differentiate them that much from straight up Evolution (and it did in fact make Evolution seem like the clear choice in many respects, unless you are a STOUT believer of the other two--no case was made for them). Your selection of choices certainly would have worked as well (though to be honest I think many would need to go to Wikipedia before they picked it ), but I did want to try to remain close to the Gallup Poll (as you discussed later) and you're correct in that I should have stayed away from the Evolution subject on those and focused on what their key beliefs, politics (if any), key ideas, and as I said earlier perhaps to even make a case for them--as much could be made. (That goes for @gwiz665s comment too as well, as you said; his comment noted the same discrepancy...) These are things to make sure I do on my next poll; but, I think everyone can make it through this one OK for now.

C'est la vie.

PS- My shift keys are broken and it's DRIVING me nuts. If it seems like I'm randomly not capitalizing letters that should be, that's why! Good thing I'm proof-reading right now or I would have had 10 or so just in this post alone!

Alright, the problem with this approach is that he's giving the conclusions, but not helping on 'HOW' to get to the desired goals.

It's easy to just say 'don't listen to any one, dress the way you want', but for a teenager this is extremely difficult to carry out. They are afraid of being judged and alienated by their peers. You could tell them, 'Oh, don't bend to peer pressure'. But they DO get affected by them because they are, after all, teenagers. They are not as experienced or as mentally stout. That's why they need our help and advice in the first place.

It would be more useful for the teenager if you could give specific examples to help them cope with their situation, such as 'Be absolute about your stance and opinion to others', and 'Never let them have one over you. Strike back! Then at least they will leave you alone.' You know, advice which explains the general rules of the school yard and how to protect yourself from it. That's what these kids need most, not some moral assessment of the whole situation.

So good effort, but no bacon. Then again he's not a professional guidance counselor or anything so.... meh.

Also, I will no longer complain about my stout kitty.

>> ^critical_d:

Interesting! But now, let this American remind you that Guinness is not black, it's a deep shade of red.
From the FAQ on http://www.guinness.com "Look closely. GUINNESS® beer is not actually black but rather dark ruby red because of the way the ingredients are prepared. Some malted barley is roasted, in a similar way to coffee beans, which is what gives GUINNESS® its distinctive color."
Cheers!
>> ^robbersdog49:
>> ^critical_d:
...and served by a leprechaun on St Pattys Day!
>> ^ChaosEngine:
>> ^jcf79:
Or, you could try drinking a stout that actually has some flavor...

Have you ever actually tried a real pint of Guinness? And I don't mean whatever watered down piss they serve in the rest of the world, I mean a real pint, as in, in Ireland?


What is St. Patty's day?
It's Paddy. All you Americans who say St. Patty's, you're all wrong. Simple.
And before someone says it's Patty because it's short for Patrick, it's not. It's Paddy because it's short for Padraig, which is the original spelling.
Paddy. P A D D Y
Now let's all have a nice pint o' the black stuff!


Try ordering a pint of the red stuff and see what you get. I'm betting it won't be guinness

Interesting! But now, let this American remind you that Guinness is not black, it's a deep shade of red.

From the FAQ on http://www.guinness.com "Look closely. GUINNESS® beer is not actually black but rather dark ruby red because of the way the ingredients are prepared. Some malted barley is roasted, in a similar way to coffee beans, which is what gives GUINNESS® its distinctive color."

Cheers!

>> ^robbersdog49:

>> ^critical_d:
...and served by a leprechaun on St Pattys Day!
>> ^ChaosEngine:
>> ^jcf79:
Or, you could try drinking a stout that actually has some flavor...

Have you ever actually tried a real pint of Guinness? And I don't mean whatever watered down piss they serve in the rest of the world, I mean a real pint, as in, in Ireland?


What is St. Patty's day?
It's Paddy. All you Americans who say St. Patty's, you're all wrong. Simple.
And before someone says it's Patty because it's short for Patrick, it's not. It's Paddy because it's short for Padraig, which is the original spelling.
Paddy. P A D D Y
Now let's all have a nice pint o' the black stuff!

>> ^critical_d:

...and served by a leprechaun on St Pattys Day!
>> ^ChaosEngine:
>> ^jcf79:
Or, you could try drinking a stout that actually has some flavor...

Have you ever actually tried a real pint of Guinness? And I don't mean whatever watered down piss they serve in the rest of the world, I mean a real pint, as in, in Ireland?



What is St. Patty's day?

It's Paddy. All you Americans who say St. Patty's, you're all wrong. Simple.

And before someone says it's Patty because it's short for Patrick, it's not. It's Paddy because it's short for Padraig, which is the original spelling.

Paddy. P A D D Y

Now let's all have a nice pint o' the black stuff!

>> ^jcf79:

Can't say that I have, and I'm sure the stuff over in Ireland is top notch, but I'm talking about the cans and bottles we have in Ohio. Personally, I'd rather have a Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout, a Left Hand Milk Stout and for the love of god yes please a Founders Breakfast Stout. New Holland Poet, Great Divide Yeti, and on and on and on. I guess my point is that I don't see why people get so worked up over guinness over here in the states when there are so many excellent stouts here that actually have a great flavor and charachter. But, if you like watered down stout from a can, don't let me stop you from enjoying it.


Actually I agree with you. Stout from a can is the devil. But I won't even drink Guinness on tap outside Ireland. It really is a different drink.

Can't say that I have, and I'm sure the stuff over in Ireland is top notch, but I'm talking about the cans and bottles we have in Ohio. Personally, I'd rather have a Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout, a Left Hand Milk Stout and for the love of god yes please a Founders Breakfast Stout. New Holland Poet, Great Divide Yeti, and on and on and on. I guess my point is that I don't see why people get so worked up over guinness over here in the states when there are so many excellent stouts here that actually have a great flavor and charachter. But, if you like watered down stout from a can, don't let me stop you from enjoying it.
>> ^ChaosEngine:

>> ^jcf79:
Or, you could try drinking a stout that actually has some flavor...

Have you ever actually tried a real pint of Guinness? And I don't mean whatever watered down piss they serve in the rest of the world, I mean a real pint, as in, in Ireland?