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Birds Aren’t Real On Fox News

newtboy says...

Silly rodents….bring it.
You cannot hurt a newt, we can regenerate not just limbs but also our organs, even HEARTS, and that ability doesn’t go away with age like in other regenerators!!
(https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms11069 )
and we are deadly poisonous!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvBi5Wv8-qg

Newts are the pinnacle of a 50 million year biological warfare scenario…impossible to kill, deadly to try.

BRING IT ON FURBALLS!

noims said:

You can't afford to make enemies like that, newt. Big Mole has deep deep pockets.

Birds Aren’t Real On Fox News

newtboy says...

Only a government mole would say such a thing hoping to embarrass or shame people out of telling the truth!

What you don’t realize is we already know….moles (and gophers) also aren’t real, having been replaced worldwide by government controlled bioengineered cyborg rodents after 9-11 to keep track of may-be-terrorists who already know how to successfully avoid surveillance by “birds”.

Nice try…we’re on to you little fuzzy buddy.

noims said:

On the secret third hand that humans all have, I hope the commenters here on the sift who also claim birds aren't real stop doing so - it's only feeding into the birdbrains' delusion. This paragraph was not written under duress, and there are no starlings in the room here with me.

High Quality Horizontally Spinning Rat

newtboy says...

The evolution is accelerating. We will soon become subservient to our digital rotating rodent overlords….and I for one welcome them and offer my services in any way I can be of use to them.


Massive Front Yard CLEAN UP of abandoned 1908 farm

BSR says...

Didn't see much of the cat after a while. They probably fired the critter for not doing its share of the work. Unless it was on "rodent duty" in which case it probably exterminated the rodents, got paid and moved on to the next house.

Squirrel jumps on UPS delivery man

StukaFox says...

I gotta squirrel story.
So when I lived in Mountain View, for Christ only knows what reason, the idiots in charge of power put this big-ass transformer thing on the corner of my property. The thing hummed with menace and I knew that shit wasn't right. But I didn't worry none because there was a big green metal cover over it that provided the same protection against horrendous death that a box of Kleenex would have provided the World Trade Center on 9/11.
One day, I'm standing on my balcony and drinking a beer. I mighta been stoned, too, only there's no 'mighta' that day. I'm watching the whorehouse across the street (really) and generally buzzing when I see a squirrel on the lawn. I hate squirrels. A motherfucking squirrel ate my bar fridge and fucked me outta the $50 I was selling it for on Craigslist (really).
Anyway, I got this longneck of Bud in hand and I'm working out whether I can brain the goddamn rodent with it when the neighbor's cat come rippin' ass from under the balcony and goes after Skippy.
Well here's some amusement!
The squirrel is running for it's pointless life and the cat is banking like a F-16 chasing an Iraqi MIG and I've already got $10 down on the kitty with a $3 over/under. I already know how this was gonna end and I was rootin' for it every step of the way.
Only it didn't.
The goddamn squirrel found the ONE way to get under that green metal cover I mentioned previously. The cat stops in amazement and I'm all pissed because I've been gypped outta Wild Kingdom's money shot.
A second later there's a flash like Ivy Mike going off from under the cover and an a concussive BOOM!! The fucking cover blasts off like a Space-X project gone horribly wrong -- or, in this case, delightfully right.
The cat jumps like 5 feet in the air and an arc of turds flies outta its butt, the cover returns to earth as a traffic hazard in the middle of Latham St., and the squirrel is basically vaporized. And now I'm the happiest motherfucker in Mountain View because dude, that shit was AWESOME!
I call out, "Babe! You won't believe what just happened!" 'cause you gotta totally share shit like that.
Then I realized everything is TOTALLY silent, like Little House on the Fucking Prairie silent.
"The power's out," my wife responds.
And it STAYED out for like two goddamn days while the putzes from the power company had to rewire pretty much everything that blew up.
Honey Badger didn't give a shit because Honey Badger'd copped an oz right before this shit happened. And as Fat Freddy taught us, "Dope will get you through times of no power better than power will get you through times of no dope." Or some shit like that. I dunno, I'm totally fucking baked right now.

Squirrel jumps on UPS delivery man

luxintenebris jokingly says...

i surmise another theory.

red (its nickname) is voting blue, mistaken UPS for USPS - squirrels scan too fast (do the same): misread - and was making sure his absentee ballot had arrived.

red reckoned the blunder then rapidly retreated.

or maybe the order from 'nest, birdbath and beyond' was due.

no. the owner/tenant likely feeds the damn thing and its gotten bold. the females here do the same. live in fear that if COVID doesn't get me, rabies or bubonic plague will. they approach any departure like rodent paparazzi (not really much of a differential from the 'regular' paparazzi). the kid left a toy van 'neath a tree; immediately thought the bastards were changing tactics. NO! it's not paranoia! you saw want they did to that USPS guy!

((((they watch from the trees!!!))))

BSR said:

Damn Squirrel. Probably voted for Trump.

Cheetah Kill Right Under Our Car

00Scud00 says...

Kind of illustrates why domesticating large cats may not have been a good idea, I mean finding dead birds and small rodents on your doorstep is one thing, but this?

Life - Stoat kills rabbit ten times its size - BBC One

A Bowl Of Peanut Oil Catches 7 Mice In 1 Night

DuoJet says...

I hate this guy and his channel passionately. He's making tons of youtube bux torturing and killing various animals, primarily rodents. He's one of those "survivalist" wackjobs who has somehow found a enormous audience of people who seem to like watching videos of animals in pain.

And before anyone replies with something utterly moronic like, "dood relax their jus mice okey", I know what they are and I know that they struggle against losing their lives just as earnestly as humans do.

Why Humans Are Obsessed with Cats

Payback says...

I also don't get this "dogs were domesticated by humans, cats domesticated themselves" bullshit. Dogs were domesticated the exact same way as cats, the only difference is we discovered cats are only useful for rodent control, as hunters. Dogs could be hunters (terriers), hunter-helpers (pointers, retrievers), protectors and herd control (shepards, collies), beasts of burden (Rottweilers), etc. Of course we spent more time working with dogs. They had useful abilities already. Cats are much like rats, racoons and other animals that thrive in the presence of humanity. They're just at the top of their respective food chain, like we are.

Rat taking a shower

FlowersInHisHair says...

Yeah this isn't normal rodent grooming behaviour. The animal isn't cleaning itself - rather, it has been covered in soap (quite a lot of it) and can't get it off. This looks like cruelty.

Instructions for a Happy Life...

In Cold Blood

BSR says...

What the hell! Why did that mouse kill all those people? Was he that hungry? He let's 2 people live so he can escape the scene of the crime scott free. I hope there's a sequel.

The Danny Trejo of rodents. Badass.

Why Australian snakes are so venomous

oritteropo says...

I read an interesting article on the BBC's web site on exactly this question - http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20160404-why-some-animals-have-venoms-so-lethal-they-cannot-use-them

It makes some of the same points as this video, but also has an additional one in regards to why some animals are so toxic to humans: Bad luck! We aren't their targetted prey, so it's pretty much irrelevent to them whether their sting can kill one or 1,000 humans.

Bad luck comes into it as well. A bite from a Sydney funnel-web spider is extremely dangerous for humans, whereas rodents are relatively unaffected by their venom. Since these spiders evolved to eat neither rodents nor humans, this can be seen as nothing more than an unfortunate alignment of the spider's neurotoxin with a receptor on some of our cells.

garmachi said:

The "Why" doesn't get addressed until 5:20, and even then it's preceded by "I think it's because..."

The first five minutes are some pretty good filler though.

It's Beautiful Noise of Capybaras

ForgedReality says...

Sometimes cats will bring you a dead bird or rodent, and they're quite eager to clean your face, arms, legs, feet, etc. with their raspy tongues.

ant said:

Prove it. I want to see it feed, clean, etc. you.



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