Hilarious and well done.

But as for the Hero's Journey / monomyth... I don't know. It's like you took the 7 most popular tropes off of tvtropes.com. Yes, they're very common story elements. But you could keep coming up with 8th, or 9th, or 47th most common story tropes. Do these 7 really cluster together frequently? Are they common in literature and the classics?

Wait, a 9.99999 out of 10? Then how can you call it a God-awful piece of shit?

I personally enjoyed the CGI. To me, it was a guy's movie through and through. It had scantily clad women, it had gore and violence, it had well thought out action sequences (come on, that ending with the golden dragon was awesome.)! The CGI made it into a near photo realistic cartoon, and being a hardcore fan of comic books and anime from yesteryear, I was glad I didn't have to watch another "actor superimposed over CGI background" movie like, say, Phantom Menace.

And Malcovich's character was a Contagonist (embodies obstruction, envy), which is an important part of story structure, especially when dealing with archetypal characters which Beowulf most certainly does. Some believe the story of Beowulf to be a Christ allegory, which can also be said to be a monomythic Hero's Journey. Malkovich's character, Unferth, is jealous of Beowulf, because Unferth is unable to slay the Grendel. Hardly a puny role.

The "I am Beowulf" line is probably played out a bit because it sounds very reminiscent of the 300's "This is Sparta!" line which we've heard a zillion times now. I will concede this is unfortunate, and it also bothers me a bit, too. Still...

I AM BLANKFIST!