Y'know what? Seriously, fuck seagulls. I fucking hate seagulls. Y'know why? They're total cunts. You know why they're cunts? Because they're cunts. Seagulls are God's answer to "why do children get cancer?" God says, "Because fuck you, that's why! Here's a seagull, you asshole."
"Ohh, but they ate all the locusts and saved Salt Lake City!" people say. Fuck them, too. The only thing good that ever came outta SLC is Steve Young and he ended his career flat on his back and the Niners have sucked ever since. Except for Kap; we'll give 'em one for Kap. We totally woulda won that game if the other team hadn't been better. They can go fuck themselves, too.
Ok, check this out: I was walking on the beach near Pescadaro and eating this awesome fucking carne asada taco I got at the super-secret Mexican place in the gas station and it was fucking amazingly good. This is the kinda taco that if it was pussy, you'd marry it and not give a shit when it fucked your best friend and ran off to Vegas with all your money. Seriously, it was that good. And I'm eatin' this goddamn glorious taco and feeling like I'm on top of the world and all is right with the universe. Then a motherfucking seagull all Stuka-moves me and snatches my taco! I'm all, "DUDE!! That's hella my taco, BITCH!", but then I remembered that birds don't speak English so I was like "Fuck!"
Seriously, 'tho, that was totally a good taco and shit.
Fuck seagulls.

"Poor little guy, lol."

No shit on that -- can you imagine being stuck on a screaming little monster like that kid?

Also, if it'd gone in his mouth, I woulda forgiven 2020 for everything.

wow! i woulda never guessed.

mercury's days are longer than it's year!

Where was the fail? this was kinda awesome, they were super into their characters. I woulda loved seeing this as a kid

Thank goodness she didn't ask about gender equality. Woulda got tased.

I bought 32 bitcoins throughout 2012. Now worth close to half a mil. I bought about 4 or 5 grams of DMT over the next two years... each 20 mg of DMT - in my mind - is worth at least $1,000,000. Regardless, even when I started putting money in, there was serious paranoia about the volatility that exists today but isn't as bad as it was back then. You could not trust any of the bitcoin banks or markets back then. A lot of them would just close down and take off with your motherfucking bitcoins, a lot of them would get hacked or say they got hacked, so I always just wanted to get the money transferred out of the bank to a market and released to a trustworthy vendor as fast as possible. So, if you're thinking woulda coulda shoulda - you too probably wouldnah. That on top of the fact that bitcoin transactions took dayyyyssss sometimes, it was fucking slow and a lot of it was through cold hard cash not debit/credit cards...

Damn, I wish I had Gaydar that worked that well -- woulda saved me a LOT of trouble!

God, if he really had a pint of alcohol as blood then a) wow can he ever hold his liquor and b) he dead now c) explains why they were reluctant to tase him - woulda been quite a fireball.

Goddamn I love a good ol'-fashioned melt-down, followed by an incoherent, spittle-flecked rant!

That said, I woulda been off that Boeing so fucking fast there would have been a sonic boom.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The PUFFED Cheeto woulda been more representative

Woulda been better without the ultra fake ultra gore. Too much of a give away.

They shoulda got Martin himself. Betcha he woulda done it.