"The W.H.O. has been very clear about this: Drink all the wine, and buy as much as you can at the store. Wait that can’t be right. Oh, that’s the Wine Hoarders Organization. Well, the C.D.C. says to get plastered and scream “GRAPES” from your rooftop at all hours—goddammit, sorry, that’s from the Center for Downing Cabernet. Here’s one from A.A.: E.A.T.S.H.I.T. Oh I see, A.A. stands for Angry Acronyms. Well, this solved nothing. I’m gonna headbutt my stove for five hours"