Today I choked out a guy using my right shin and left heel.

No, this video isn't of me, so put that banhammer down. This sift is just in celebration of a very special occasion: I pulled off a gogoplata in training today. This video is a clip from an MMA match in which Ryusuke Uemura takes out some guy I don't know with the gogoplata. Yes, that's right, he pulls off a submission usually attempted for comedic relief against a guy trying to punch his head in. Awesome.

For those of you who don't know the ins and outs of submission grappling, the gogoplata is a trachea-compression choke that is performed in as ridiculous a manner as the name implies.

Here's how to perform the gogoplata in the video, the same one I used today, in SIX SIMPLE STEPS. For six easy payments of just $69.99 each, you too can...oh, sorry, back on topic.

Step 1: From closed guard with you opponent kneeling, break his posture, then open your guard. Move your body to the right, to the side of his head like you're going for a kimura except with your upper arm pushing his head down towards the mat. Instead of going for the kimura, grab your right ankle and pull it towards your head, like you're forcing an omoplata.

Step 2: Your opponent will try to drive into you to prevent the omoplata, so instead you continue to pull your ankle towards your head.

Step 3: Force his head out a little to make space, then pop your right ankle into the space between your chest and his neck. Your foot should hook against his neck. CLAMP DOWN, HE WILL TRY TO POSTURE UP AND RIP HIS ARM OUT. I suggest a gable grip, but I've seen guys use a grip on their right toes. I personally have found I'm not strong/good enough to do that.

Step 4: Pull down on his head with both arms, while driving your shin into his trachea. Readjust and break posture as necessary.

Step 5 (Optional): If he doesn't tap, you're not getting enough pressure. Bring your left leg up against the back of his neck, then relock your gable grip over your left ankle. Pull down and squeeze the daylights out of your opponent.

Step 6: Wait 'til your opponent taps or naps. Either way, he will slump to the floor in humiliation or unconsciousness. Scream like a banshee, make a heroic pose - go wild, you're now a certified badass!

Sidenote: For those of you judo nutriders, this is proof that BJJ != judo. I dare you to try to give me the proper judo name for this choke.

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