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Alan Rickman as the Metatron

submitted by bl968

1 decade 7 years ago

Comedy

Funny quotes....

Behold the Metatron! Herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God!

Oh, give over, will you? I couldn't rape you if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped. (lowers his pants) See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. You bottom-feeders and your arrogance... you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers.

Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.

Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're... talking to themselves.

You people! If it hasn't been made into a movie, it's not worth knowing about, is that it?

You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar, may I continue uninterrupted?

To answer that; human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it your mind would cave in and your heart would explode inside your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.

You don't mind that I lost the wings, do you? I'm trying to keep our profile low.

The little stoner's got a point!

Be who you've always been. Just... be this as well, from time to time.

Oh, Bartleby. Was Wisconsin really that bad?

One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.

Anyone that isn't dead or from another plane of existance would do well to cover their ears right about...NOW.