poolcleaner VA

Member Profile

Real Name: Nullius addictus iurare in verba magistri, – quo me cumque rapit tempestas, deferor hospes.
A little about me...
Welcome aboard the crazy trip
CIRCLE OF FOOLS SAY HI
Watch your step or you might trip
We're glad you came on by
The guys and I have prepared a brew
You really ought to taste
It makes you strong and makes you 
Don't let it go to waste
All of us are going down

Great that we pretend that we are all that
We enjoy ourselves
Should we get some help?
We have always failed yet there is no doubt
Can't go wrong from here
We are down and out

Care for some sweets to chase your drink?
I see you've quite a thirst
No no no you can't yet go
First things must come first
All of us are going down

Great that we pretend that we are all that
We enjoy ourselves
Should we get some help?
We have always failed yet there is no doubt
Can't go wrong from here
We are down and out

Delicious not? 
you feel alive?
You need a little space?
So you're not feeling well?
What's wrong with your face?

Great that we pretend that we are all that
We enjoy ourselves
Should we get some help?
We have always failed yet there is no doubt
Can't go wrong from here
We are down and out

Holy smokes! we goofed again
The brew is not quite right
We'll throw him back behind the pen
And try again tonight
Welcome aboard the crazy trip
CIRCLE OF FOOLS SAY HI
Watch your step or you might trip
We're glad you came on by

Great that we pretend that we are all that
We enjoy ourselves
Should we get some help?
We have always failed yet there is no doubt
Can't go wrong from here
We are down and out
All of us are going down

Member Since: May 18, 2008
Favorite Sift: Guy with Gun Confronts Skateboarder. Street Justice Ensues
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Comments to poolcleaner

PlayhousePals says...

Well typed [and I couldn't agree more!]

poolcleaner said:

Seeing him in action and not just through the speaker made this. Perfect ending!

I remember my brief few months in fast food. They weren't bad at all. I enjoyed myself and the people. You gotta love your job no matter what and make people smile -- when you think of the people you're serving, and you distance yourself from workplace negativity, you'll love every minute of the day.

And when you no longer love enjoy your day -- which is inevitable -- that's a sign that you need to move on to bigger and better things.

Guys like this do their thing and then move on. That's the natural progression of quality employees. Don't get stuck. If you don't put on a show, it's time to move on.

bareboards2 says...

I had the same reaction.

When I watched this vid, the feeling I got was that she wanted to howl with her pack. She doesn't have a pack.

So she created a howl that she could respond to.

Made me sad, too.

poolcleaner said:

This comment confused me.

bareboards2 says...

I don't think I can adequately convey how honored I am that you have shared your true self with me.

I was just chatting in a superficial way with someone yesterday about how great it is that folks are embracing the range of "genderfluid" that is present in our species. After so many years of faking it, hiding it, feeling shame about "being different" -- and now, with the internet allowing folks to reach each other, find out they aren't alone, I see a blossoming of individuals that I find heartening.

Yeah. "Boys" don't cry. How fucked up is that? On, like, 8000 different levels?

Although I don't think I am gender fluid (I'm just a hermit) and am a cis-gender woman (the fact that the word cis-gender exists is thrilling!), I did grow up being told that I was "too sensitive." It is worse for biological boys, absolutely -- and it happens to girls, too. It took me decades to find the words -- Hey. I'm not too sensitive. I AM sensitive. And then more decades to learn to really claim it for its strengths it gave me compared to those folks who don't have that skill.

At least I was "allowed" to cry. I am so impressed with your survival strategies in the face of that soul-crushing rule about boys not crying. Truly inspirational.

I am leaving your entire message to me here so that it is not lost to the sift archives. I have developed the habit of deleting all comments on my personal wall -- but I didn't want this one to be lost.

Thanks so much for sharing. Your work in claiming your true self is helping to change the world for the better. Perhaps eventually we can let all these crappy binary straight jackets go, and can all become the people we truly are. You are a trailblazer, my friend.

poolcleaner said:

I welcome constructive confrontation. You're a reasonable individual and I like that in a person. I'm actually a quite sensitive genderfluid human; but, as a biological male, I agree that my soul has been crushed countless times.

Also, I was quoting the Robert Smith of The Cure. I'm fairly certain Smith cried often and didn't believe the chorus at face value:

"I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I have said too much
Been too unkind

"I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Because boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

"I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that it's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

"So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Because boys don't cry"

How many times do I hide the tears in my eyes? It's sad. I shouldn't. In fact, I often adapt to my male persona in order to NOT cry. It's a fucked up thing but it's who I am, regardless of nature or nurture. Life is a confusing mess and I never believed I was a boy until later in life anyway.

I adapted from the negative reinforcement between my tendency to be overly emotional and the negative response from various authority figures in my early childhood. As long as I didn't cry or show emotion, my family, church, and school didn't punish me.

Rather than show my true emotions, I made up fake personas in order to win the affections of authority figures through confrontation and then warming up to that authority after admonishment. I believe that to be the origin of who I am as a person to this very day.

Example: I confronted you as a persona that is not my true self, you commented on my member wall, and now I am warming up to you as my true self. <3

bareboards2 says...

I know you were making a joke -- and I loved your last line.

I just wanted to say that "boys don't cry" is an example of the horrible sexism that men are subjected to from childhood onward. I honestly believe that so much "toxic masculinity" is rooted in this oppression of the range of human emotions that is forced on men all their lives.

Don't want to poop on your joke, so I came over here to say this.

What men are subjected to is soul-crushing, I swear.

poolcleaner said:

Boys don't cry --

Nephelimdream says...

You hate to love the love you hate?
(and thanks, clicking on your profile is going to make me have Bad Religion stuck in my head the rest of the night)

siftbot says...

Happy anniversary! Today marks year number 8 since you first became a Sifter and the community is better for having you. Thanks for your contributions!


Nephelimdream says...

I "sifted" (hahalame) through a ton of your comments to share this one with a friend of mine. Would it be ok with you if I stole it to share with others? I promise not to share it with North Korea, Drumpf, or my ex wife. You know, the real axis of evil. I would obviously give you credit if need be, or rescue a cat and name it in your honor, or possibly scream out your name during coitus while I'm within earshot of one lucky winner of your choosing. Thank you for your time.

poolcleaner said:

Yeah, it's a bitch. I didn't know I was an alcoholic until I was running away from hard times. Then even after I had gained a marginal amount of success, the alcohol remained. Fucking alcohol. It really does make you a different person. Sometimes a very very excellent, if not womanizing person. But sometimes a monster. Best I avoid the stuff beyond what I think I need or can handle, one drink at parties. Parties can be bad if I violate this. Or good -- it's a gamble lol.

You know what though, it's addiction period. I stopped drinking, my life improved; but, I replace it with something else. I am addicted to video games. I do 80+ hour, no sleep binges playing a game I'm seeking to master. Addiction.

Pretty soon I will have to go cold turkey even on things like marijuana, which make me mellow, happy, heightened senses, and artistic/creative focus/drive, and which my peers claim is not addicting. Nah, everything in my life is an addiction. Even creative endeavors or day to day work -- it commands my utter and impenetrable existence, allowing my world to fall to shambles, meanwhile I create art or engineer new false existence. A system of dice I throw forever for no real reason other than I am addicted forever to throwing dice. Boom. Boom. Cards. Mmm, yeah, gambling is fun and bad too, and consume entire weekends. Sex. Typing things. It's ALL addiction to me.

The only thing I get from typing my mind is the rush and addiction to the finality of saying the truth, regardless of the consequences. It just comes out and the fists raise my adrenaline and I'm fighting now. Haahhahahahahaha!!! Addiction! Adrenaline. Energy. I'll run for 4 hours straight to achieve a moment of elation and existence outside of the day to day shuffle. Addicted to life? I sit at my desk addicted to death? No, life. I am addicted to EVERYTHING.

PlayhousePals says...

Maaaaaaybe, but I don't think being 'ME-ll-OW' will be much of a motivator ... just S-p-AYING

poolcleaner said:

Well looky over here, someone named poolcleaner mailed in a couple patents to mass produce lighters for kitten paws. I'm giving fire to all of the cats in the world. This will work. We'll make it work. Just us and the vengeful fire cats.

FIRE, FIRE, FIRE CATS -- HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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