poolcleaner says... Thank you for sharing, as well, bareboards. I can't adequately convey my emotional responses in written communication either, so rather I try to accurately describe something, but then in the process it loses its emotional spark. In which case, I go back and edit in some emotion lololol. But sometimes I edit out the emotion, because I can be off the scales and cause people to worry lol. Do you personally know anyone along the genderfluid/genderqueer/transgender spectrum? I'm curious how that conversation of yours came about! I know a lot of transgender women and men -- in fact, the first trans* person I met was a transgender man, or FTM (female to male) as he defined it -- but I only know 2 other genderfluids and a handful of people that identify as genderqueer. Of those 2 genderfluid people, 1 is biologically male and the other is biologically female. I cannot say that genderfluid fully describes my gender identity, but it represents my oscillating gender behavior. How one chooses to appear is merely a representation of their desire to create and change and make their very being an expression of their creative mind. Sadly, creativity of this sort is caught up in the politics and social pressures of gender and confusingly associated with sexual orientation, so it's rarely explored and often mocked by the average person. I don't know what to think of the term cis-gender tbh. Maybe it's because it describes in a strict sense what I am not... I'm not sure -- But I am a bit of a hermit, so I fully understand that lifestyle. I do go out and mix with people for a certain period of time, but I always retreat back to solitude. Sometimes never returning to places I frequented for months or years at a time. There's an internal clock somewhere inside of me, with a timer, and once that timer goes DING, I'm done and I can no longer flourish in the location I once frequented with my dominating social presence. It sort of scares me and sometimes depresses me. Why do I behave like that? I can't even predict when it will happen -- but it always happens. Regardless of my gregariousness, I often desire solitude. I value sensitive people, and I believe most people are sensitive as well, but just haven't had the opportunity and courage to claim it and own that as their hereditary right. You're important to our survival by nurturing rather than destroying. Insensitive types tend to be my bane -- it shuts down the part of my brain which cares and puts me into mother protecting baby cubs mode. Sensitivity is an important aspect of our survival as mammals, because it allows us to gauge civil liberty, and determine if others are causing undo suffering, whether mental or physical, to other humans or indeed to all life, period. Without gaining this level of sensitivity for all life we as a species would end up killing off and displacing other life on the planet, harming the environment through greed and indifference, eventually creating fascist states which judge others merely by our allegiances and characteristics deemed scientifically, or worse, arbitrarily important, such as race, sexual orientation, gender... Wait a minute -- statue of liberty... That was our planet. You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! Honestly, bareboards, I don't feel like a trailblazer. The internet is just a spot to drain my overflow of ideas and help problem solve my internal debates over existence. If there's greater meaning in the process by which I solve my personal issues, cool. If not, well, at least you were entertained by the cosmic equivalent of a confused high school english lit daily journal about existentialism. "Dear bareboards, I don't get why life is so fleeting and yet we are expected to take it sooooo seriously. Oh my gaaawd... Like whatever, bareboards. I don't even care. But somehow this is all important, I just know it." I don't know if I'm channeling a valley girl or Crispin Glover in River's Edge. bareboards2 said: I don't think I can adequately convey how honored I am that you have shared your true self with me. I was just chatting in a superficial way with someone yesterday about how great it is that folks are embracing the range of "genderfluid" that is present in our species. After so many years of faking it, hiding it, feeling shame about "being different" -- and now, with the internet allowing folks to reach each other, find out they aren't alone, I see a blossoming of individuals that I find heartening. Yeah. "Boys" don't cry. How fucked up is that? On, like, 8000 different levels? Although I don't think I am gender fluid (I'm just a hermit) and am a cis-gender woman (the fact that the word cis-gender exists is thrilling!), I did grow up being told that I was "too sensitive." It is worse for biological boys, absolutely -- and it happens to girls, too. It took me decades to find the words -- Hey. I'm not too sensitive. I AM sensitive. And then more decades to learn to really claim it for its strengths it gave me compared to those folks who don't have that skill. At least I was "allowed" to cry. I am so impressed with your survival strategies in the face of that soul-crushing rule about boys not crying. Truly inspirational. I am leaving your entire message to me here so that it is not lost to the sift archives. I have developed the habit of deleting all comments on my personal wall -- but I didn't want this one to be lost. Thanks so much for sharing. Your work in claiming your true self is helping to change the world for the better. Perhaps eventually we can let all these crappy binary straight jackets go, and can all become the people we truly are. You are a trailblazer, my friend.