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Well oot o' the East there came a hard man
Oh-ho, a' the way frae Brigton?
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

Well he went intae a pub and he come oot paralytic
Oh, VP and cider |VP is rum or sherry, I think
Ah-ha, what a hell of a mixture
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Sex rears its ugly head...)
Does this bus go tae the Dennistoun Palais?
Oh-ho, I'm lookin' fur a lumber |looking for a woman [1]
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Eyes up the talent, and lo and behold...)
In the dancin' he met Hairy Mary,
Oh, the flooer o' the Gorbals |flower
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Chats he up...)
Aw noo Mary, are ye dancin'?
"Oh no, it's just the way I'm staunin'" |standing
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Rebuffed!)
Well then, Mary, yer one in a million,
"Oh-ho, so's yer chances!"
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Rebuffed again!)
Well then Mary, can I run ye hame?
Oh-ho, I've got a pair of sandshoes,
"A ha-ha, ye're hell of a funny!"
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

(spoken: Never say die. Sways aboot nonchalantly,
picking his nails with a bayonet. An' he knocks her off...)
Well, doon through the back-close, an' intae the dunny, |[2]
Oh-ho, it wasnae fur the first time, |wasn't
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

Then oot came her mammy - she was goin' tae the cludgie, |[3]
Oh-ho, I buggered off sharpish,
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

Noo Hairy Mary's lookin' for her hard man,
Oh-ho, he's jined the Foreign Legion |joined
Ah-ha, Sahara unner ra camels, |under the camels
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

Then Hairy Mary's had a little baby
Oh-ho, its faither's in the army
Ah-ha, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice