Let's use this thread to tell one offensive joke each. Nothing off-limits, no holds barred, let it fly. And if Bob doesn't chime in on this one, I'm gonna be disappointed.

Here's mine:

So a Jew is standing in line to go to the gas chamber at Auschwitz and he's kvetching.

"Oy," he moans, "This is the worst day of my life! First the Nazis kill my family, then everything I own is stolen, and now I'm in line to be gassed. God please, PLEASE, send me some relief in my final moments on earth!"

At that moment, a mighty thunderclap sounds and millions of scorpions start falling from the sky.

"God be praised!" the Jew cries out in joy, "Free scorpions!"

"[capital punishment] is said to be a deterrent. I cannot agree. There have been murders since the beginning of time, and we shall go on looking for deterrents until the end of time. If death were a deterrent, I might be expected to know. It is I who have faced them last, young men and girls, working men, grandmothers. I have been amazed to see the courage with which they take that walk into the unknown. It did not deter them then, and it had not deterred them when they committed what they were convicted for. All the men and women whom I have faced at that final moment convince me that in what I have done I have not prevented a single murder."
-- Albert Pierrepoint (autobiography)

That said, there appears to be some dispute over his eventual position on capital punishment.

I'm pretty sure you do need fitness to drive an F1 race, if not muscle strength to resist the forces you're undergoing then at least to reduce body weight. However this video is not in the remotest bit impressive as a feat of fitness for a number of reasons. He was walking in many of the shots, the video is edited a number of times so we don't know whether he was resting or not between, and his headband is gone in the final shot which means there was at least a small period of rest before the final moment at the top. It's also night time when he reaches the top but evening when he's at the bottom, so we can at least assume that it didn't take a small amount of time.

The fact that he doesn't look puffed at the top is wholly unremarkable.

If I was this close to taking my own life, I don't think being patronized by a bridge would make me feel better. If anything, I would go just go somewhere else to be away from the crowd in my final moments.

They say the suicide rate on this particular bridge has dropped by 77%, but how has the suicide rate in general changed? Or hasn't it?

Scaring suicidal people away from places they can commit the act is not a solution, it's sweeping it under the rug.

Now, I accept that this is just anecdotal evidence, however, as an Australian I can confidently say that in my personal dealings I have heard nothing but absolute disgust for this woman. No awe to be found anywhere except awe that she managed to get her father to change his will whilst on his deathbed so that she got everything (rather than his undeniably money grubbing whore of a wife Rose Portius) only for him to die the next day. Way to burn up the final moments of your dad's life. A truly vile human being.

Oh, how I was hoping for a man in medieval armour with a sword to go running past in the final moments of that vid.

I found this --- difficult. It is redeemed by the final moments. So for the journey, I shall upvote.

idk if this will work but worth a try: http://www.metatube.com/en/videos/58042/Bin-Laden-Dead-Video-animation-of-terrorist-leader-s-final-moments/

*isdupe>> ^kulpims:

dupeof=http://videosift.com/video/NMA-news-recreates-Osama-bin-Laden-s-last-moments ? this embed is eng dubbed ...

3 more comments have been lost in the ether at this killed duplicate.

>> ^blankfist:

I just watched it. I'm a bit irked. What about the hatch?! Seriously?! It felt like another X-Files season finale to me, but I expected that. If you remember, the show creators promised us it wasn't purgatory or the crew wasn't dead. They. Lied.
If you liked it, I think you may be justifying it like the girls who are sexually abused by daddy yet still think he loves them.


What about the hatch? I don't think there was anything about the hatch that was left completely ambiguous -- that seems to be one of the few elements on the show that didn't really leave any lingering questions. Am I forgetting something?

As for the show creators lying about it not being purgatory, they weren't. I'm not sure if you're making this mistake, but a lot of people seem to be making the incorrect assumption that the entire show was some kind of afterlife for these characters, which isn't the case. Just the flashsideways.

Look, I can completely understand the complaints from the "not enough answers!" people. But I was mostly satisfied with the amount of answers we got. It probably helps that I've only watched every episode once, when they originally aired. Plus I have a terrible memory. So I don't even remember a lot of the specific questions that were left unanswered.

I don't know, I just thought there was something really satisfying about a conclusion that gave all of our characters such a happy ending, especially on a show that didn't seem to lend itself to such a happy ending for its characters. There was something kind of nice about seeing, say, the Sayid/Shannon reunion. Or the Sawyer/Juliet reunion. I also liked the final moments, with Vincent lying down next to Jack, to be with him as he dies. And of course the last shot of Jack's eye closing. Good stuff, man. I don't care what anyone says.

Ugh. People almost never kill themselves as a direct result of depression, we just fail to understand their state of mind and start applying labels. When depression is involved, the act of suicide is usually impulsive. I'm not even depressed, and I quite often have the unexplainable impulse to jump when I am in a high place (this is the root of my fear of heights, really), or to jump in front of an oncoming train or bus. I think most people have probably experienced this impulse a few times and it tends to scare the shit out of you because there's no good reason for it.

Most of the time suicidal people think it through to ensure their success, and you don't get to that state of mind from any place we can explain away as depression or anything else. For those people, they've thought it out and somehow it's the right thing to do. They don't have to be depressed (they can be of course), they might be old, sick, or bored with life and unable to find an answer to making the routine day-to-day more enjoyable. I didn't read the story, but it sounds a lot like this girl was tired of the abuse and impulsively took her own life. (That seems to speak to frustration more than depression.) People who do that usually find themselves regretting their behavior in the final moments, and you can hear that a lot from them because a lot of them survive due to impulsive suicide leaving a lot of room for error.

You're right at least in that she probably didn't really want to die, and those final few seconds must have been utter torture as she found herself in a helpless situation.

In my mind, the real problem here is that kids are too young to fully appreciate mortality or even life. They don't bother to think about what their life might be like in 20 years usually, and don't appreciate the full value of the things they will accomplish before their eventual death. But it also doesn't help that kids can also be massive pricks, and culture has saddled young girls with giant piles of double-standards.

Thanks for letting me know. It's fixed.

In reply to this comment by mas8705:
your final moments of a goomba is dead I think friend...

your final moments of a goomba is dead I think friend...

Dang video ends before she's finished...

Here's the lyrics in their entirety:
SPOKEN:
I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
in his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire"

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

SPOKEN:
And when I was 12 years old, my father took me to a circus, the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.
And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle.
I had the feeling that something was missing.
I don't know what, but when it was over,
I said to myself, "is that all there is to a circus?

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

SPOKEN:
Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away and I thought I'd die, but I didn't,
and when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing

SPOKEN:
I know what you must be saying to yourselves,
if that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,
for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath, I'll be saying to myself

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is